DOI Heft:
April 5, 1862
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16869#0142
134
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 5, 1862.
THE TAEPINGS AND THE RED TAPEINGS.
Ao-n
he gravest attention has
been recently attracted
to the Taepings, who
having sacked Ningpo,
would, no doubt have
gone aud done the ditto
to Shanghai, had not
the British Government
thought proper to pre-
vent them. These Taep-
ings, it appears, are a
horde of ruthless rob-
bers, who under the
pretence of patriotism,
have for ten years past
been laying waste the
finest provinces of
China, and desolating
and destroying, like a
flight of locusts, where
ever they have passed.
In some respects they
bear a family resem-
blance to the tribe of
the Red Tapeings who
were rampant here in
England some short
time ago, and whom
Punch was so invalu-
able in lending aid to
crush. Like the Taep-
ings, the Red Tapeings
did great damage to their country; and doubtless would have done much more had they not
happily been checked. It is a matter for congratulation that England has a champion
policeman in her Punch, ever ready to protect her from thieves like the Red Tapeings, who tied
her hands behind her with the red tape of Routine, and did their worst to rob her of her
honour and her strength.
FRENCH POT AND ENGLISH KETTLE.
Among the protectionists in the Erench Legis
lative body, one of the leading orators is a M.
Pouyer-Quertier. Here is a remarkable
passage extracted from a speech which this
gentleman made the other day :—
“ Had the advantages accorded to England by the
treaty made her a more faithful and reliable ally ? The
answer to that question might be found in what was
now passing in the British Parliament, which was voting
enormous armaments. Could they consider themselves
at peace, when the coasts of Prance were surrounded by
English gunboats and plated frigates? Were those the
fruits of the alliance ? Let the partisans of Free Trade
answer the question. The fruits of the treaty were not
only commercial disasters but increased financial bur-
dens. There could be no hope of economy while England
kept on increasing her armaments. On the contrary,
their burdens must be increased.”
With change of names, merely, the words
above quoted might have been uttered by an
opponent of the French treaty in our House
of Commons. Indeed, one seems to have read
them over and over again in the Parliamentary
debates. It would hardly be rash to bet five
shillings that they are to be found in Hansard.
M. Pouyer-Quertier surely is either a pla-
giarist, or a wag. The idea of the French
coasts surrounded by English gun-boats and
plated frigates, and of France laden with in-
creased financial burdens in order to keep pace
with English armaments, is certainly droll. It
did not apparently occur to M. Pouyer-Quer-
tier to ask, if it did to consider who first began
this game of beggar my neighbour ? Perhaps,
however, his above-quoted observations were
meant to suggest a question of which the pro-
posal would have been inadmissible.
THE END OF NAVAL WAR.
{To the Peace Society.)
Gentlemen,
The action Mernmac v. Monitor, tried between the Confede-
rates and Federals, conclusively proves that one iron-clad ship is a
match for several wooden ships carrying more and heavier guns, and
that two iron-clad ships may pound one another about for hours
without material result.
Iron transports big enough and numerous enough to landau invading
force of any magnitude on these shores would be inconveniently expen-
sive necessaries for the acquisition of glory or plunder by the conquest
of England. Wooden transports are pervious to missiles discharged
from Armstrong guns, and the effect that would be produced by one of
those missiles, particularly a three hundred pound bomb, in a transport
full of enemies coming to rob and murder us, is something delightful to
contemplate. We may rejoice in imagining the havoc which one
Warrior would create amongst a whole fleet of timber vessels crowded
with invaders.
Still more pleasant is the prospect of the progress which is now
likely to take place in Naval warfare. If there are no ships of war but
iron ships, and iron ships are mutually shot-proof, how are they to fight ?
Hostilities might perhaps still be carried on by means of shells,
charged with fulminating silver, regardless of expense. Such shells, if
big enough, would no doubt knock a hole in the iron sides of any
vessel; but as fulminating silver goes off with much less friction than
what will kindle a lucifer match, there would be rather too much diffi-
culty in charging a shell witli it.
It remains to he seen, if the science of reciprocal destruction should
be thus arrested, what plan the human brotherhood will then invent
for smashing, burning, or sinking one another’s fleets. Some new dis-
covery in electricity, some artificial lightning for example, which will
smite through ribs of steel, may possibly be found to answer their
benevolent purposes; but there really does seem some ground for
hoping that, ships being rendered practically invulnerable, any two
vessels of war belonging to hostile nations, will, hereafter, meeting on
the high seas, each find herself unable to injure the other, and therefore
be obliged to part in peace, the result of their collision having been as
nearly as possible the opposite to that of the conflict between the Kil-
kenny Cats. Congratulating you most sincerely on the prospect of this
happy result, I am, gentlemen,
Your Fellow Labourer,
“MAY AND DECEMBER.”
Sir C. Cresswell.
Sir Punch Punch seldoms interferes with the Court of his friend |
Sir Cresswell Cresswell, feeling that Sir C. C. is perfectly com-
petent to manage that tribunal without Sir P. P.’s aid ; and having
also a natural indisposition to advert to topics of an unedifying de-
scription. To the facts of a case which has just occurred before his
friend, SirP. P. intends to make no reference at all; but as the parties
move in the same exalted circles with himself, it would not be seton les \
regies to ignore the matter altogether. Without proffering to the {
Marquis of December any undue condolence on the undesirable j
result of his union with Miss May, now relegated to her own sphere
in society. Sir Punch Punch affectionately asks the Marquis why on
earth, when he wanted to marry, he descended to earth, and wedded a
child of the people ? Sir P. P. hopes that he is not compelled to
interpret this into a distrust of the worldly wisdom of Lord De-
cember’s own Order. Could the Marquis have imagined that he
could not find in the Peerage the name of some lady, young,
lovely, and pleasing as plebeian Miss May, and equally ready to be-
come the Marchioness of December? Could he think that because
he was seventy-six, there was no aristocratic beauty of twenty, who
would have devoted her spring of life to making him happy. Sir P. \
P. hopes—hopes that Lord December was actuated in this matter ;
by caprice only, and did not wed plebeiau twenty from any_ idea
that patrician twenty would remember his seventy-six, and forget
his coronet. We affectionately conjure him to show that such a sus-
picion is unfounded, and to let it be known that he desires to marry
again. Let him give his Order a turn this time, and Sir Punch
Punch can assure him that he may at once order the orange blossoms, |
and that at least a dozen Dowagers are ready to advise —were
advice needed—their lovely young charges to recollect that a Marchio-
ness’s coronet is not a thing to be lightly rejected, even if it be proffered
by a shaky hand. Come, my Lord, let us soon read that “ A marriage
is on the tapis between the accomplished Marquis of December and
the young and lovely daughter of the Honourable Mrs. Excelsior
Clamber.” Do justice to the Dowagers.
Silent Spirit-Rapping.—Mr. Forster the “Medium” has not yet,
we believe, gratified any of his clients with spirit-music, but he gives
them an equivalent in the spirit-writing on his arm, which they may, if
they please, take for the “ Devil’s Tattoo.”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 5, 1862.
THE TAEPINGS AND THE RED TAPEINGS.
Ao-n
he gravest attention has
been recently attracted
to the Taepings, who
having sacked Ningpo,
would, no doubt have
gone aud done the ditto
to Shanghai, had not
the British Government
thought proper to pre-
vent them. These Taep-
ings, it appears, are a
horde of ruthless rob-
bers, who under the
pretence of patriotism,
have for ten years past
been laying waste the
finest provinces of
China, and desolating
and destroying, like a
flight of locusts, where
ever they have passed.
In some respects they
bear a family resem-
blance to the tribe of
the Red Tapeings who
were rampant here in
England some short
time ago, and whom
Punch was so invalu-
able in lending aid to
crush. Like the Taep-
ings, the Red Tapeings
did great damage to their country; and doubtless would have done much more had they not
happily been checked. It is a matter for congratulation that England has a champion
policeman in her Punch, ever ready to protect her from thieves like the Red Tapeings, who tied
her hands behind her with the red tape of Routine, and did their worst to rob her of her
honour and her strength.
FRENCH POT AND ENGLISH KETTLE.
Among the protectionists in the Erench Legis
lative body, one of the leading orators is a M.
Pouyer-Quertier. Here is a remarkable
passage extracted from a speech which this
gentleman made the other day :—
“ Had the advantages accorded to England by the
treaty made her a more faithful and reliable ally ? The
answer to that question might be found in what was
now passing in the British Parliament, which was voting
enormous armaments. Could they consider themselves
at peace, when the coasts of Prance were surrounded by
English gunboats and plated frigates? Were those the
fruits of the alliance ? Let the partisans of Free Trade
answer the question. The fruits of the treaty were not
only commercial disasters but increased financial bur-
dens. There could be no hope of economy while England
kept on increasing her armaments. On the contrary,
their burdens must be increased.”
With change of names, merely, the words
above quoted might have been uttered by an
opponent of the French treaty in our House
of Commons. Indeed, one seems to have read
them over and over again in the Parliamentary
debates. It would hardly be rash to bet five
shillings that they are to be found in Hansard.
M. Pouyer-Quertier surely is either a pla-
giarist, or a wag. The idea of the French
coasts surrounded by English gun-boats and
plated frigates, and of France laden with in-
creased financial burdens in order to keep pace
with English armaments, is certainly droll. It
did not apparently occur to M. Pouyer-Quer-
tier to ask, if it did to consider who first began
this game of beggar my neighbour ? Perhaps,
however, his above-quoted observations were
meant to suggest a question of which the pro-
posal would have been inadmissible.
THE END OF NAVAL WAR.
{To the Peace Society.)
Gentlemen,
The action Mernmac v. Monitor, tried between the Confede-
rates and Federals, conclusively proves that one iron-clad ship is a
match for several wooden ships carrying more and heavier guns, and
that two iron-clad ships may pound one another about for hours
without material result.
Iron transports big enough and numerous enough to landau invading
force of any magnitude on these shores would be inconveniently expen-
sive necessaries for the acquisition of glory or plunder by the conquest
of England. Wooden transports are pervious to missiles discharged
from Armstrong guns, and the effect that would be produced by one of
those missiles, particularly a three hundred pound bomb, in a transport
full of enemies coming to rob and murder us, is something delightful to
contemplate. We may rejoice in imagining the havoc which one
Warrior would create amongst a whole fleet of timber vessels crowded
with invaders.
Still more pleasant is the prospect of the progress which is now
likely to take place in Naval warfare. If there are no ships of war but
iron ships, and iron ships are mutually shot-proof, how are they to fight ?
Hostilities might perhaps still be carried on by means of shells,
charged with fulminating silver, regardless of expense. Such shells, if
big enough, would no doubt knock a hole in the iron sides of any
vessel; but as fulminating silver goes off with much less friction than
what will kindle a lucifer match, there would be rather too much diffi-
culty in charging a shell witli it.
It remains to he seen, if the science of reciprocal destruction should
be thus arrested, what plan the human brotherhood will then invent
for smashing, burning, or sinking one another’s fleets. Some new dis-
covery in electricity, some artificial lightning for example, which will
smite through ribs of steel, may possibly be found to answer their
benevolent purposes; but there really does seem some ground for
hoping that, ships being rendered practically invulnerable, any two
vessels of war belonging to hostile nations, will, hereafter, meeting on
the high seas, each find herself unable to injure the other, and therefore
be obliged to part in peace, the result of their collision having been as
nearly as possible the opposite to that of the conflict between the Kil-
kenny Cats. Congratulating you most sincerely on the prospect of this
happy result, I am, gentlemen,
Your Fellow Labourer,
“MAY AND DECEMBER.”
Sir C. Cresswell.
Sir Punch Punch seldoms interferes with the Court of his friend |
Sir Cresswell Cresswell, feeling that Sir C. C. is perfectly com-
petent to manage that tribunal without Sir P. P.’s aid ; and having
also a natural indisposition to advert to topics of an unedifying de-
scription. To the facts of a case which has just occurred before his
friend, SirP. P. intends to make no reference at all; but as the parties
move in the same exalted circles with himself, it would not be seton les \
regies to ignore the matter altogether. Without proffering to the {
Marquis of December any undue condolence on the undesirable j
result of his union with Miss May, now relegated to her own sphere
in society. Sir Punch Punch affectionately asks the Marquis why on
earth, when he wanted to marry, he descended to earth, and wedded a
child of the people ? Sir P. P. hopes that he is not compelled to
interpret this into a distrust of the worldly wisdom of Lord De-
cember’s own Order. Could the Marquis have imagined that he
could not find in the Peerage the name of some lady, young,
lovely, and pleasing as plebeian Miss May, and equally ready to be-
come the Marchioness of December? Could he think that because
he was seventy-six, there was no aristocratic beauty of twenty, who
would have devoted her spring of life to making him happy. Sir P. \
P. hopes—hopes that Lord December was actuated in this matter ;
by caprice only, and did not wed plebeiau twenty from any_ idea
that patrician twenty would remember his seventy-six, and forget
his coronet. We affectionately conjure him to show that such a sus-
picion is unfounded, and to let it be known that he desires to marry
again. Let him give his Order a turn this time, and Sir Punch
Punch can assure him that he may at once order the orange blossoms, |
and that at least a dozen Dowagers are ready to advise —were
advice needed—their lovely young charges to recollect that a Marchio-
ness’s coronet is not a thing to be lightly rejected, even if it be proffered
by a shaky hand. Come, my Lord, let us soon read that “ A marriage
is on the tapis between the accomplished Marquis of December and
the young and lovely daughter of the Honourable Mrs. Excelsior
Clamber.” Do justice to the Dowagers.
Silent Spirit-Rapping.—Mr. Forster the “Medium” has not yet,
we believe, gratified any of his clients with spirit-music, but he gives
them an equivalent in the spirit-writing on his arm, which they may, if
they please, take for the “ Devil’s Tattoo.”