DOI Heft:
April 19, 1862
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16869#0162
154
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 19, 1362.
hopes to steal a good bell out of the International when nobody is
looking, and we hereby caution the newly enrolled X Division to keep
an eye upon him.
Mr. .Bass tried it on again with the Hop Duty, but Mr. Buxton
said that six big brewers had told him that the change was all right,
and after some debate, Mr. Bass corked himself up.
Then did the Government get a beating. Mr. Punch, who foresaw it,
as he foresees—or if Admiral Clerk of the Weather Eitzroy, likes
it better, “fore-casts”—everything, merely remarked in the most cur-
sory manner, when the Bill for Building Courts of Law in Carey Street
was brought in, that “ he had heard of that sort of thing before,” mean-
ing, of course, that the measure would be rejected by 83 to 81 on the
tenth of xVpriJ. Which it was, Mr. Punch's prophetical powers being
once more vindicated in the most wonderful manner. The putting
the Courts where it was proposed to place them would have the advan-
tage of cutting up an abominable neighbourhood, but would cost an
awful quantity of money, whereas there is the site of Lord William
Russell’s execution ready for the architect. But Government have
no business to get themselves beaten—fellows could hardly have gone
to hear William Tell again, and if they had they ought to have hur-
ried down to help William Cowper—the electric telegrams are stack
up in the box lobbies. Brand should add to the message, “ Come
down, directly, and be hanged to you, will you ? ”
Friday. Lord Granville produced the alterations Government
meant to make in the Revised Code. We believe that about one
person in five hundred understands the matter, and for the benefit of
that intelligent Unit, we will mention that
Part of the grant is to depend on the general inspection of the
schools, and not on individual examination. Four shillings a year per
head on the average attendance of scholars. Eight shillings for every
child who has attended 200 times, and can pass examination in the
3 R’s. There are to be six standards of examination. No grant
on account of a child passing in the same standard in which he had
succeeded in the previous year. What pupil-teachers may lose
by the changes is to be made up to them.
He did not think the changes were improvements, and if further conces-
sions were to be made the scheme would not be worth carrying out at
all. There, intelligent Unit, and what are you going to stand ?
A Fortifications debate followed. Lord Ellenborough is convinced
that we shall have to fight for our homes upon the soil of England, and
that at present our means of defence are utterly inadequate. The Duke
of Cambridge said that no question had engrossed public attention
to such a degree as the question of iron plates and cannon-balls, which
sensible remark shows that to a certain extent our George understands
what is going on outside the Oss Guards.
Sir George Grey has issued an order putting down Perambulators.
Materfamilias may be incensed, but he has. That is to say, he has
commanded—look at the Gazette—that no locomotive carriage of any
kind shall be allowed in the streets, between seven in the morning and
ten at night, “ if it is impelled by anything but an Animal.” We
think we have you there, M’m, and the abominable child-cart will drive
us into the mud and cut our toes no longer. For if an elegant and
respectable maid-servant will submit to be called and considered by the
police and the public as an Animal, we do not understand servantgalism,
and penny fiction is written in vain. So, away with the Perambulator,
scrunched by Grey, who was also legislating against steam carriages.
Answered to Sir Joseph Paxton,"Mr. Cowper, that Chelsea Bridge
was not unsafe, but that it was to be strengthened, as vast crowds
would come upon it, we presume en route to see the beasts in
Battersea Park next July.
The week was finished by an exceedingly good Italian debate, if that
can be called a debate in which Bowyer, Hbnnessy and Maguire
attacked the free institutions of Italy, and these were defended by
Layard, Gladstone, and Palmerston. It was hardly fair play for
the poor d warfs, but it was pleasant to hear the giants come out strong.
Mr. Punch seldom quotes, out of mercy to those whose pinchbeck must
suffer so miserably beside his gold, but he must give Pam’s gallant
peroration:—
“I trust that Rome may soon be destined to exercise, not an arbitrary power
over the world, but a great and distinguished influence over Europe, i trust that
when it becomes the capital of Italy it will exercise its power for the development
of intellect—the encouragement of the arts and sciences—for improvements of every
kind—-and for the promotion of commercial activity and political wisdom. When
that time arrives, and I trust it is not so distant as hon. gentlemen opposite expect
it to be, I shall be willing that posterity shall judge between those who may have
contributed to that result by the wisdom of their counsels—by their advice-and
moral influence ; and those who doggedly resisted it, and were the champions and -
defenders of everything corrupt, tyrannical, and oppressive in the former institu-
tions of Italy. When that time comes, I formally appeal to that tribunal for a
decision in our favour. {Cheers.)"
We should think there were. Parliament is up for Easter.
BEAUTY NOT WITHOUT PAINT.
ut from a column
of miscellaneous
intelligence in the
Morning Post, the
following para-
graph is respect-
fully submitted to
the readers of
Punch:—
“The Emperor Na-
poleon, in his judg-
ment of women, held
that it was their busi-
ness to dress exqui-
sitely and to look
lovely, and as a proof
how highly the ladies
>of the present day
prize his judgment,
enamelling has be-
come quite general
amongst the ladies
of the Hite who fre-
quent fashionable and crowded assemblies, it being the only method ladies have of
displaying their matchless beauty, and the only possessor in the world of that
great art is Madame Rachel. It is effected by judicious appliances of Arabian
herbs, which give a matchless brilliancy and lustre to the hair, teeth, and, com-
plexion, rendering woman what she ought to be, beautiful beyond comparison.”
It is not likely that the Emperor Napoleon would have very much ad-
mired the ladies of the elite who frequent fashionable and crowded assem-
blies, if it is true that enamelling is the only way they have of displaying
their matchless beauty; a beauty which is matchless only insomuch as
it is unmarriageable, and a drug in the match-market. Such beauty is
precisely matched by the loveliness of a whited sepulchre.^ If any of
the enamelled ladies of the elite are wives of the elite, the elite are not
to be envied. A lady whose face wants mending has no business to
dress exquisitely, but ought to dress with the plainness which suits her
features ; and she cannot look lovely, but may look hideous, and makes
herself lpok so by getting her visage enamelled.
To make the insertion of the foregoing recommendation of enamelling,
in a paper largely read by fashionable people, pay, the demand for that
process must be extensive among the female aristocracy. This would
be an appalling consideration for young noblemen and gentlemen if there
were any possibility of mistaking an enamelled old hag for a blooming
maiden. Without looking her closely in the mouth, it would be easy
enough to tell if her teeth were enamelled by art instead of nature. If
the enamel which Madame Rachel plasters the face with is the same as
that with whicli she incrusts the teeth, her clients must indeed acquire au
ivory complexion. We cannot understand enamelled hair; but should
think it must be very stiff.
No enamelling, however, will render any woman beautiful beyond
comparison. One comparison has been already suggested. Another is
afforded by a certain Queen whose subjects probably included the
ancestors of Madame Rachel. It is hardly too much to say that the
fate of that Princess would be not undeserved by the ladies of l he
elite who resort to the disgusting process of enamelling, and with
cheeks daubed with stucco flauut about in the similitude of painted
Jezebels.
THE CHARITY EXCHANGE.
GRAND VOTING DAY AT THE LONDON TAVERN.
Scene :—Of the Greatest Excitement.
Time :—Within 5 minutes of the Closing of the Poll.
Penerable Lady (almost frantic). Have you got 10 Orphans afiout you»
my dear ? I want them ever so badly. If you can part with them,
you must let me have them at any price.
Old Maid (looking at her book). Well, then, I want 5 Benevolent
Artists, 4 Distressed Gentlewomen, 6 Incurables, and 3 Decayed
Fishmongers with 2 Club Eeet. There, you must get me those before
Saturday next, and you can have my 10 Orphans ; but stop, my dear.
As the offer is an extremely moderate one, you must engage also to
throw me a couple of Idiots in.
[As there is no time to be lost, in consequence of the almost imme-
diate closing of the poll, the terms are accepted, and the Charity
bargain instantly sealed.
Clever Generalship.
Jones was reading out aloud from the newspaper, fiat there were
10,000 members of the profession to be met with in the Law List, when
Brown, who had been ruined by the lawyers, excla: ned in the most
emphatic tone, “Would that there were some general of the present
day clever enough to secure the Retreat of those Ten Thousand!”
“Ah ! ” said Robinson.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 19, 1362.
hopes to steal a good bell out of the International when nobody is
looking, and we hereby caution the newly enrolled X Division to keep
an eye upon him.
Mr. .Bass tried it on again with the Hop Duty, but Mr. Buxton
said that six big brewers had told him that the change was all right,
and after some debate, Mr. Bass corked himself up.
Then did the Government get a beating. Mr. Punch, who foresaw it,
as he foresees—or if Admiral Clerk of the Weather Eitzroy, likes
it better, “fore-casts”—everything, merely remarked in the most cur-
sory manner, when the Bill for Building Courts of Law in Carey Street
was brought in, that “ he had heard of that sort of thing before,” mean-
ing, of course, that the measure would be rejected by 83 to 81 on the
tenth of xVpriJ. Which it was, Mr. Punch's prophetical powers being
once more vindicated in the most wonderful manner. The putting
the Courts where it was proposed to place them would have the advan-
tage of cutting up an abominable neighbourhood, but would cost an
awful quantity of money, whereas there is the site of Lord William
Russell’s execution ready for the architect. But Government have
no business to get themselves beaten—fellows could hardly have gone
to hear William Tell again, and if they had they ought to have hur-
ried down to help William Cowper—the electric telegrams are stack
up in the box lobbies. Brand should add to the message, “ Come
down, directly, and be hanged to you, will you ? ”
Friday. Lord Granville produced the alterations Government
meant to make in the Revised Code. We believe that about one
person in five hundred understands the matter, and for the benefit of
that intelligent Unit, we will mention that
Part of the grant is to depend on the general inspection of the
schools, and not on individual examination. Four shillings a year per
head on the average attendance of scholars. Eight shillings for every
child who has attended 200 times, and can pass examination in the
3 R’s. There are to be six standards of examination. No grant
on account of a child passing in the same standard in which he had
succeeded in the previous year. What pupil-teachers may lose
by the changes is to be made up to them.
He did not think the changes were improvements, and if further conces-
sions were to be made the scheme would not be worth carrying out at
all. There, intelligent Unit, and what are you going to stand ?
A Fortifications debate followed. Lord Ellenborough is convinced
that we shall have to fight for our homes upon the soil of England, and
that at present our means of defence are utterly inadequate. The Duke
of Cambridge said that no question had engrossed public attention
to such a degree as the question of iron plates and cannon-balls, which
sensible remark shows that to a certain extent our George understands
what is going on outside the Oss Guards.
Sir George Grey has issued an order putting down Perambulators.
Materfamilias may be incensed, but he has. That is to say, he has
commanded—look at the Gazette—that no locomotive carriage of any
kind shall be allowed in the streets, between seven in the morning and
ten at night, “ if it is impelled by anything but an Animal.” We
think we have you there, M’m, and the abominable child-cart will drive
us into the mud and cut our toes no longer. For if an elegant and
respectable maid-servant will submit to be called and considered by the
police and the public as an Animal, we do not understand servantgalism,
and penny fiction is written in vain. So, away with the Perambulator,
scrunched by Grey, who was also legislating against steam carriages.
Answered to Sir Joseph Paxton,"Mr. Cowper, that Chelsea Bridge
was not unsafe, but that it was to be strengthened, as vast crowds
would come upon it, we presume en route to see the beasts in
Battersea Park next July.
The week was finished by an exceedingly good Italian debate, if that
can be called a debate in which Bowyer, Hbnnessy and Maguire
attacked the free institutions of Italy, and these were defended by
Layard, Gladstone, and Palmerston. It was hardly fair play for
the poor d warfs, but it was pleasant to hear the giants come out strong.
Mr. Punch seldom quotes, out of mercy to those whose pinchbeck must
suffer so miserably beside his gold, but he must give Pam’s gallant
peroration:—
“I trust that Rome may soon be destined to exercise, not an arbitrary power
over the world, but a great and distinguished influence over Europe, i trust that
when it becomes the capital of Italy it will exercise its power for the development
of intellect—the encouragement of the arts and sciences—for improvements of every
kind—-and for the promotion of commercial activity and political wisdom. When
that time arrives, and I trust it is not so distant as hon. gentlemen opposite expect
it to be, I shall be willing that posterity shall judge between those who may have
contributed to that result by the wisdom of their counsels—by their advice-and
moral influence ; and those who doggedly resisted it, and were the champions and -
defenders of everything corrupt, tyrannical, and oppressive in the former institu-
tions of Italy. When that time comes, I formally appeal to that tribunal for a
decision in our favour. {Cheers.)"
We should think there were. Parliament is up for Easter.
BEAUTY NOT WITHOUT PAINT.
ut from a column
of miscellaneous
intelligence in the
Morning Post, the
following para-
graph is respect-
fully submitted to
the readers of
Punch:—
“The Emperor Na-
poleon, in his judg-
ment of women, held
that it was their busi-
ness to dress exqui-
sitely and to look
lovely, and as a proof
how highly the ladies
>of the present day
prize his judgment,
enamelling has be-
come quite general
amongst the ladies
of the Hite who fre-
quent fashionable and crowded assemblies, it being the only method ladies have of
displaying their matchless beauty, and the only possessor in the world of that
great art is Madame Rachel. It is effected by judicious appliances of Arabian
herbs, which give a matchless brilliancy and lustre to the hair, teeth, and, com-
plexion, rendering woman what she ought to be, beautiful beyond comparison.”
It is not likely that the Emperor Napoleon would have very much ad-
mired the ladies of the elite who frequent fashionable and crowded assem-
blies, if it is true that enamelling is the only way they have of displaying
their matchless beauty; a beauty which is matchless only insomuch as
it is unmarriageable, and a drug in the match-market. Such beauty is
precisely matched by the loveliness of a whited sepulchre.^ If any of
the enamelled ladies of the elite are wives of the elite, the elite are not
to be envied. A lady whose face wants mending has no business to
dress exquisitely, but ought to dress with the plainness which suits her
features ; and she cannot look lovely, but may look hideous, and makes
herself lpok so by getting her visage enamelled.
To make the insertion of the foregoing recommendation of enamelling,
in a paper largely read by fashionable people, pay, the demand for that
process must be extensive among the female aristocracy. This would
be an appalling consideration for young noblemen and gentlemen if there
were any possibility of mistaking an enamelled old hag for a blooming
maiden. Without looking her closely in the mouth, it would be easy
enough to tell if her teeth were enamelled by art instead of nature. If
the enamel which Madame Rachel plasters the face with is the same as
that with whicli she incrusts the teeth, her clients must indeed acquire au
ivory complexion. We cannot understand enamelled hair; but should
think it must be very stiff.
No enamelling, however, will render any woman beautiful beyond
comparison. One comparison has been already suggested. Another is
afforded by a certain Queen whose subjects probably included the
ancestors of Madame Rachel. It is hardly too much to say that the
fate of that Princess would be not undeserved by the ladies of l he
elite who resort to the disgusting process of enamelling, and with
cheeks daubed with stucco flauut about in the similitude of painted
Jezebels.
THE CHARITY EXCHANGE.
GRAND VOTING DAY AT THE LONDON TAVERN.
Scene :—Of the Greatest Excitement.
Time :—Within 5 minutes of the Closing of the Poll.
Penerable Lady (almost frantic). Have you got 10 Orphans afiout you»
my dear ? I want them ever so badly. If you can part with them,
you must let me have them at any price.
Old Maid (looking at her book). Well, then, I want 5 Benevolent
Artists, 4 Distressed Gentlewomen, 6 Incurables, and 3 Decayed
Fishmongers with 2 Club Eeet. There, you must get me those before
Saturday next, and you can have my 10 Orphans ; but stop, my dear.
As the offer is an extremely moderate one, you must engage also to
throw me a couple of Idiots in.
[As there is no time to be lost, in consequence of the almost imme-
diate closing of the poll, the terms are accepted, and the Charity
bargain instantly sealed.
Clever Generalship.
Jones was reading out aloud from the newspaper, fiat there were
10,000 members of the profession to be met with in the Law List, when
Brown, who had been ruined by the lawyers, excla: ned in the most
emphatic tone, “Would that there were some general of the present
day clever enough to secure the Retreat of those Ten Thousand!”
“Ah ! ” said Robinson.