Punch (42.1862)

160

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[April 19, 1862.

NO FOLLOWERS ALLOWED.

“Love will find out the way.”—Old Ballad.

MAXIM FOR EXHIBITION.

Apart from the various mechanical implements dis-
played at the International Exhibition, attention is
invited by a wonderful moral saw. Above the space to
be occupied by Mr. O’Connor’s stained glass you wid
find these words:—

‘ ‘ The progress of the human race, resulting from the common
labour of all men, ought to be the final object of the labour of
each individual.”

There is no denying this exactly, inasmuch as the.e
is no precisely understanding it. The progress of the
human race; what does that mean?—progress in the
arts and sciences only, or moral and spiritual progress
also ? Because the moral and spiritual progress of the
human race does not result from the common labour of
all men, but from the uncommon labour of inspired and
master-minds. If human progress, in the widest sense
of the word, ought to be the final object of individual
labour, it certainly is not. The final object of the
labour of almost every individual is, in point of fact,
his own aggrandisement.. The Great Exhibition owes
all the treasures it contains to the acquisitiveness of the
individuals who have produced them. An inscription
proposing the progress of mankind as the proper object
of personal exertion is very appropriate in such a budd-
ing certainly; just as a legend inculcating sobriety
would be in its right place over the door of a public-
house.

A Split in the Gamp.

We see, from the “Literary Intelligence” of the
various papers, that a large portion of the staff of the
Saturday Review have carried their pens and gall-bags
over to the London Review. Well, do you think there
will be learning and ill-nature enough for two papers ?
We don’t know about the former?

Truly Offensive Taxes.

The duty on playing cards has been reduced solely
for a moral reason. Nobody complained of it, or is
relieved by its reduction. The Chancellor of the
Exchequer would no longer take tribute of gambling.
The money smelt. For the same reason Mr. Glad-
stone will doubtless next abolish the tax on Quack
Medicines.

PULL ARMSTRONG, PULL ADMIRALTY.

A PROBABLE CHRONOLOGY.

1860. Mr. Armstrong, of Newcastle-upon-Tyne, invents Rifled
Ordnance that will knock any ship to pieces. He is knighted and the
Admiralty is benighted.

1861. The Admiralty recovers, and invents iron ships that resist any
known cannon-balls.

1862. Sir William Armstrong invents a gun that smashes the Iron
Ships into blacksmithereens. The Admiralty collapses.

1863. The Admiralty re-expands and invents Platina Ships fastened
with diamond cement, and Sir William Armstrong’s balls fly to
pieces like bon-bons.

Mr. Gladstone doubles the Income-Tax.

1864. Sir William Armstrong invents Brazen Thunderbolts (sup-
posed to be the original Jupiters) and in a pleasing experiment sends
the greater part of the British Fleet to the bottom of the sea.

1865. The Admiralty invents Torpedo vessels which sail under water,
and below any range of guns. Sir William Armstrong tears his hair
and swears in the Newcastle dialect.

1866. Sir William Armstrong invents a Vertical gun that dis-
charges Greek fire straight down, and a second time he destroys the
greater part of the British fleet. The Lords of the Admiralty are about
to hang themselves, when a thought strikes them, and they don’t.

Mr. Gladstone again doubles the Income-Tax.

1867. Dr. Cumming, who has for some weeks been having in his
coals by the sack only, suddenly proclaims the Millennium. As there
is now to be peace everywhere, the Admiralty does not invent anything,
but waits to see.

In order to test Dr. Cumming’s veracity, and to find out whether lions
will lie down with kids, the Zoological Society (against the advice of
their excellent Secretary, Mr. Sclater) lets loose their biggest lion

while a charity school is in the Gardens. As the lion, instead of lying
down with a kid, only lies down to digest him, the Admiralty thinks there
is some mistake somewhere, and determines to invent a new fleet.

Mr. Gladstone once more doubles the Income-Tax.

1868. The Admiralty invents a Stone Fleet, with cork keels, and
defies Sir William Armstrong.

1869. Sir William Armstrong invents the Hannibal, or Alp-Shell,
which contains the strongest vinegar, ana melts the Stone ships. Having
for the third time destroyed the British Fleet, he is raised to the peerage
as Lord Bomb.

1870. The Admiralty invents an Aerial Fleet, which sails in the
clouds, out of shot range, and the First Lord takes a double sight at
Sir William Armstrong.

Mr. Gladstone a fourth time doubles the Income-Tax.

1871. Lord Bomb invents a Balloon battering-train, and in an
experimental discharge brings down all the British fleet into the
German ocean.

1872. The Admiralty, in desperation, invents a Subterranean Fleet,
which is to be conveyed by tunnels to all the Colonies, but Mr.
Gladstone blandly suggests that as everybody now pays twice his
income in taxes, the people may object to further imposts unless some
proof of economy is given.

Government therefore stop the pensions of a hundred superannuated
clerks, discharge some extra night-porters at the Treasury, and bring in
Estimates for the Subterranean Fleet.

1873. Lord Bomb invents his Typhseons, or Earthquake Shells,
and suffocates the British Fleet in the Tasmania TunneL

Mr. Gladstone a fifth time doubles the Income-Tax.

1874. The Emperor of the French proclaims the Millennium,
which of course immediately occurs, no more warships are wanted, and
the collectors remit the quarter’s Income-Tax not yet due. Lord
Bomb invents his Volcano Fireworks in honour of the occasion, and by
some accident bums up the Public.