DOI issue:
May 17, 1862
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16869#0202
194
[May 17, 1862.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
quite angrily, and accused the House of having been so completely run
away with by the account of the Merrimac and Monitor battle that it
was no use remonstrating, so Ministers had felt it their duty to yield
to the general feeling. But he did not feel at all convinced that they
had done right, and then he scolded the House for taking details out
of the hands of the Government. Now, Master Pam, stand up and
listen to us. You are very fond of yielding, as you call it, when you
can’t stem the tide, that is to say, you concede rather than be beaten
and turned out. You have thrown over a Reform Bill, and you have
thrown over the Revised Code, and you would throw over two or three
other things sooner than be put in a hole. All very well, but if you
believed, in your heart, that these forts were necessary to the safety of
your country, your duty was to stick to them, and take the conse-
quences. As for the defences of the country being a detail which the
House is not to meddle with, that. Master Pam, is such ridiculous
nonsense, that we can only suppose you wei e out of temper, and said
the first tiling that came into your head. The fight between those
ships is the most important thing in modern times, and though the
Quarterly Review takes your tone about “ clamour ” and so on (perhaps
you wrote the article for your neighbours in Albemarle Street), we
shall want a good many more articles, and a good many more snubs,
before we lose sight of the fact that the Americans have tried the
experiment which we have only been talking about. You are not
usually an offender in this way, and therefore we are content with a
monition upon this occasion. You may sit down.
Mr. Lyall wished to hand over Ceylon to the Indian Government.
Lord Stanley thought the Indian Government had enough to do.
The debate was useful, because it made a great number of Members
aware for the first time that Ceylon is not under the Indian Govern-
ment, but under Sir Charles Wood as Colonial Secretary—and not as
Secretary for India. Yah, Cox, did you think you had caught us out ?
Mr. Whalley
Uttered folly
All about Maynooth,
Then division
And derision,
Squashed that silly youth.
Wiialley’s Polly was disposed of by 191 votes to 111. Mr. Lindsay
was then defeated by 115 to 77 on a motion in favour of Harbours of
Refuge, for which he made out a very good case, but, as Mr. Milner
Gibson frankly and fairly said, please consider our taxes. We can only
just keep our own heads above water, and for the present the navigators
must look to themselves. At the same time we would far sooner make
a Harbour than an Armstrong battery, would circumstances allow.
The Red Sea Telegraph Bill went on a stage, and Mr. Punch mentions
this by way of peg to hang the statement that he reads, week by week,
that the Prenchmen are cutting through the Isthmus of Suez, though
Pam said it would be Suezcidal policy in England to permit it. Will
somebody question him hereon, or we shall have the Sand cut, and an
ode by Georges Sand in honour of the achievement, before we know
where we are.
Wednesday. The only subject of interest was a debate on Scotch
Public Houses, and in the course of it the following pleasant conversa-
tion took place. Mr. Buchanan, of Glasgow, said:—
“ There was nothing more common than that a person in his own house should
entertain his friends, and that they should get intoxicated. {Laughter.) ”
To which Mr. Dunlop, of Greenock (where it always rains) answered
that he
“ Could not admit that getting drunk in a man’s own house was so common as
the Member for Glasgow represented. The Hon. Member should speak for himself.
(Much Laughter.) ”
We never dined with Mr. Buchanan, but after the above genial and
jovial speech, we have no objection to inform him that we have not any
dinner engagement for next week which we will not throw over in
favour of a chop at the Reform Club. As for Mr. D cnlof, he talked
decorously, as became the legal adviser of the Pree Kirk, but we ’d no
wonder if he had just a taste for poultry, and we’d like fine to see his
tap pit hen.
Thursday. Mr. Layard informed the Commons that King Abraham
Lincoln had concluded a new treaty with Queen Yictoria for the
suppression of the Slave Trade, and that such treaty was really valuable,
because it gave us the Right of Search. The Union flag is no longer
to be hoisted to save the slaver
“ Prom the dread English cruiser’s shattering guns.”
The news will astonish divers American pirates, though they had a
hint of what was coming, in the solemn hanging of a villanous slave-
captain the other day. Let Mr. Lincoln be duly credited with both
good deeds. The Commons cheered loudly.
Then, upon the Second Reading of the principal Budget Bill, Sir
Staeford Northcote, formerly Private Secretary to Mr. Gladstone,
rebelled against his late master, and charged him with mismanage-
ment of our finances. The rebels Devonshire ears Mr. Gladstone of
course boxed with considerable coolness, but then, the Chancellor
being thus made sate, Mr. Disraeli thought he would have an
innings. So he let off a long accusing speech, talked of our Bloated
Armaments, and impugned our conduct towards the Emperor of the
Prench, against whom we armed, while pretending to honour him as a
trusty ally. Pam’s pugnacious mood availed him well upon this occasion,
and never did the valiant old boy go in for mischief more dashingly.
He pointed out that Mr. Disraeli was bidding for office, that he was
trying to catch support from all quarters, that he reserved his objections
to the Budget until he knew they would be useless, that his own late !
colleague, Sir John Pakington, had been, and he was proud to be. called,
a chief promoter of the Bloated Armament, that we were upon the best
terms with the Emperor, but that Moral Power, which could be based i
only on strength, was essential to England, that Mr. Disraeli and his
friends had no sympathy with the Italians, and finally that his whole
speech was mere party business, and was repugnant to the feelings of
the nation. Never came down a better shower of blows from the fist of
the old gladiator, and to borrow a popular phrase, Mr. Disraeli must
have been sorry that he spoke. Of course the Commons voted Income-
Tax, Sugar-Tax, Tea-Tax, and all the rest of the little delights.
Friday. Lord Derby made a long and elaborate speech in support
of a motion for a Committee to inquire whether anything could be done
to. avert the Evil Smells caused by certain manufactures. The Com-
mittee was appointed, and we shall hear what it recommends, fountains
of Eau de Cologne, monster pastiles in public squares, or any other |
cheap and practical remedy.
The distress of the Lancashire operatives—distress caused by the
American war—then occupied the attention of the House. It was
stated by Mr. Algernon Egerton, of South Lancashire, that there
were 58,000 operatives out of employ. Due tribute was paid to the
quiet endurance with which they bore their sufferings. Mr. Bright
said that the distress, though great, was not so severe as some persons
supposed, and that the county itself was at present able to deal with it.
Mr. Yilliers, for the Government, was of the same opinion. The
public must be content with the statements put forward by such autho-
rities ; but the efforts of charity should not be relaxed, for it will be
very long before f.he causes of distress are removed, and pressure upon
the resources of Lancashire must not be made in undue excess. It is
the policy of England, not of a county, that has refused to break the
blockade of the cotton coasts, and therefore we are all bound to help the
sufferers by that policy.
Mr. Gladstone brought in a Bill to enable the British Museum
authorities to remove their beasts; and we hope that also it contains a
clause enabling Mr. Panizzi to walk everybody, except the legitimate
student, out of the Beading Boom, at present infested by a horde of
idlers, and schoolboys, and crammers. We have said a good deal about
this grievance, and mean to say a good deal more. But in answer to a
Prig, who complains that young ladies come there and disturb his mind
by ogling and flirting, Mr. Punch indignantly replies that it is untrue
that there is anything of the kind; and that he should be very sorry to
see the ladies scared away by the cynical impertinence of Pecksniffian
Prigs. Mr. Punch is addicted to the ladies, and they love him, and he
don’t care who knows it.
TO ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCEBN.
Mr. Punch gives notice, that several tons of stale puns, all on the
subjects herein described, are now lying at his office, 85,. Eleet Street-,
and which will be returned to their owners on application, or failing
such application, will be shot at the nearest rubbish station, viz.:—
500 lbs. (more or less) playing variously on the notions of “ Screened
Cole,” “ Patent Cole,” “ Small Cole,” Suggesting that “ Cole’s
engagement as general manager will be nuts to the Department of
Science and Art,” “ Carrying Cole to Fowke’s New-Castle,” “ Des-
cribing the domes as CoLE-skuttles,” suggesting the probability
that “the Commissioners will give Cole the sack, for his uncommonly
short measures,”—with some 300 lbs. (more or less) of other jokes,
laboriously dug out of the same CoLE-mme, which has furnished these
not particularly fine samples of black-diamonds.
And Mr. Punch further gives notice, that from this date he will not
be answerable for any puns Mr. Cole’s name may attract.
Lines by a High-Art Schoolboy.
Written in the Nave of the Great Exhibition Building.)
Eood-trophy-ation is vexation,
The Telescope’s as bad,
The furriers three, they bother me,
And Cremer drives me mad.
Hint to Longfellow.—Wanted in the United States. A Poet to
stump Lord Byron by composing a second Siege of Corinth.
[May 17, 1862.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
quite angrily, and accused the House of having been so completely run
away with by the account of the Merrimac and Monitor battle that it
was no use remonstrating, so Ministers had felt it their duty to yield
to the general feeling. But he did not feel at all convinced that they
had done right, and then he scolded the House for taking details out
of the hands of the Government. Now, Master Pam, stand up and
listen to us. You are very fond of yielding, as you call it, when you
can’t stem the tide, that is to say, you concede rather than be beaten
and turned out. You have thrown over a Reform Bill, and you have
thrown over the Revised Code, and you would throw over two or three
other things sooner than be put in a hole. All very well, but if you
believed, in your heart, that these forts were necessary to the safety of
your country, your duty was to stick to them, and take the conse-
quences. As for the defences of the country being a detail which the
House is not to meddle with, that. Master Pam, is such ridiculous
nonsense, that we can only suppose you wei e out of temper, and said
the first tiling that came into your head. The fight between those
ships is the most important thing in modern times, and though the
Quarterly Review takes your tone about “ clamour ” and so on (perhaps
you wrote the article for your neighbours in Albemarle Street), we
shall want a good many more articles, and a good many more snubs,
before we lose sight of the fact that the Americans have tried the
experiment which we have only been talking about. You are not
usually an offender in this way, and therefore we are content with a
monition upon this occasion. You may sit down.
Mr. Lyall wished to hand over Ceylon to the Indian Government.
Lord Stanley thought the Indian Government had enough to do.
The debate was useful, because it made a great number of Members
aware for the first time that Ceylon is not under the Indian Govern-
ment, but under Sir Charles Wood as Colonial Secretary—and not as
Secretary for India. Yah, Cox, did you think you had caught us out ?
Mr. Whalley
Uttered folly
All about Maynooth,
Then division
And derision,
Squashed that silly youth.
Wiialley’s Polly was disposed of by 191 votes to 111. Mr. Lindsay
was then defeated by 115 to 77 on a motion in favour of Harbours of
Refuge, for which he made out a very good case, but, as Mr. Milner
Gibson frankly and fairly said, please consider our taxes. We can only
just keep our own heads above water, and for the present the navigators
must look to themselves. At the same time we would far sooner make
a Harbour than an Armstrong battery, would circumstances allow.
The Red Sea Telegraph Bill went on a stage, and Mr. Punch mentions
this by way of peg to hang the statement that he reads, week by week,
that the Prenchmen are cutting through the Isthmus of Suez, though
Pam said it would be Suezcidal policy in England to permit it. Will
somebody question him hereon, or we shall have the Sand cut, and an
ode by Georges Sand in honour of the achievement, before we know
where we are.
Wednesday. The only subject of interest was a debate on Scotch
Public Houses, and in the course of it the following pleasant conversa-
tion took place. Mr. Buchanan, of Glasgow, said:—
“ There was nothing more common than that a person in his own house should
entertain his friends, and that they should get intoxicated. {Laughter.) ”
To which Mr. Dunlop, of Greenock (where it always rains) answered
that he
“ Could not admit that getting drunk in a man’s own house was so common as
the Member for Glasgow represented. The Hon. Member should speak for himself.
(Much Laughter.) ”
We never dined with Mr. Buchanan, but after the above genial and
jovial speech, we have no objection to inform him that we have not any
dinner engagement for next week which we will not throw over in
favour of a chop at the Reform Club. As for Mr. D cnlof, he talked
decorously, as became the legal adviser of the Pree Kirk, but we ’d no
wonder if he had just a taste for poultry, and we’d like fine to see his
tap pit hen.
Thursday. Mr. Layard informed the Commons that King Abraham
Lincoln had concluded a new treaty with Queen Yictoria for the
suppression of the Slave Trade, and that such treaty was really valuable,
because it gave us the Right of Search. The Union flag is no longer
to be hoisted to save the slaver
“ Prom the dread English cruiser’s shattering guns.”
The news will astonish divers American pirates, though they had a
hint of what was coming, in the solemn hanging of a villanous slave-
captain the other day. Let Mr. Lincoln be duly credited with both
good deeds. The Commons cheered loudly.
Then, upon the Second Reading of the principal Budget Bill, Sir
Staeford Northcote, formerly Private Secretary to Mr. Gladstone,
rebelled against his late master, and charged him with mismanage-
ment of our finances. The rebels Devonshire ears Mr. Gladstone of
course boxed with considerable coolness, but then, the Chancellor
being thus made sate, Mr. Disraeli thought he would have an
innings. So he let off a long accusing speech, talked of our Bloated
Armaments, and impugned our conduct towards the Emperor of the
Prench, against whom we armed, while pretending to honour him as a
trusty ally. Pam’s pugnacious mood availed him well upon this occasion,
and never did the valiant old boy go in for mischief more dashingly.
He pointed out that Mr. Disraeli was bidding for office, that he was
trying to catch support from all quarters, that he reserved his objections
to the Budget until he knew they would be useless, that his own late !
colleague, Sir John Pakington, had been, and he was proud to be. called,
a chief promoter of the Bloated Armament, that we were upon the best
terms with the Emperor, but that Moral Power, which could be based i
only on strength, was essential to England, that Mr. Disraeli and his
friends had no sympathy with the Italians, and finally that his whole
speech was mere party business, and was repugnant to the feelings of
the nation. Never came down a better shower of blows from the fist of
the old gladiator, and to borrow a popular phrase, Mr. Disraeli must
have been sorry that he spoke. Of course the Commons voted Income-
Tax, Sugar-Tax, Tea-Tax, and all the rest of the little delights.
Friday. Lord Derby made a long and elaborate speech in support
of a motion for a Committee to inquire whether anything could be done
to. avert the Evil Smells caused by certain manufactures. The Com-
mittee was appointed, and we shall hear what it recommends, fountains
of Eau de Cologne, monster pastiles in public squares, or any other |
cheap and practical remedy.
The distress of the Lancashire operatives—distress caused by the
American war—then occupied the attention of the House. It was
stated by Mr. Algernon Egerton, of South Lancashire, that there
were 58,000 operatives out of employ. Due tribute was paid to the
quiet endurance with which they bore their sufferings. Mr. Bright
said that the distress, though great, was not so severe as some persons
supposed, and that the county itself was at present able to deal with it.
Mr. Yilliers, for the Government, was of the same opinion. The
public must be content with the statements put forward by such autho-
rities ; but the efforts of charity should not be relaxed, for it will be
very long before f.he causes of distress are removed, and pressure upon
the resources of Lancashire must not be made in undue excess. It is
the policy of England, not of a county, that has refused to break the
blockade of the cotton coasts, and therefore we are all bound to help the
sufferers by that policy.
Mr. Gladstone brought in a Bill to enable the British Museum
authorities to remove their beasts; and we hope that also it contains a
clause enabling Mr. Panizzi to walk everybody, except the legitimate
student, out of the Beading Boom, at present infested by a horde of
idlers, and schoolboys, and crammers. We have said a good deal about
this grievance, and mean to say a good deal more. But in answer to a
Prig, who complains that young ladies come there and disturb his mind
by ogling and flirting, Mr. Punch indignantly replies that it is untrue
that there is anything of the kind; and that he should be very sorry to
see the ladies scared away by the cynical impertinence of Pecksniffian
Prigs. Mr. Punch is addicted to the ladies, and they love him, and he
don’t care who knows it.
TO ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCEBN.
Mr. Punch gives notice, that several tons of stale puns, all on the
subjects herein described, are now lying at his office, 85,. Eleet Street-,
and which will be returned to their owners on application, or failing
such application, will be shot at the nearest rubbish station, viz.:—
500 lbs. (more or less) playing variously on the notions of “ Screened
Cole,” “ Patent Cole,” “ Small Cole,” Suggesting that “ Cole’s
engagement as general manager will be nuts to the Department of
Science and Art,” “ Carrying Cole to Fowke’s New-Castle,” “ Des-
cribing the domes as CoLE-skuttles,” suggesting the probability
that “the Commissioners will give Cole the sack, for his uncommonly
short measures,”—with some 300 lbs. (more or less) of other jokes,
laboriously dug out of the same CoLE-mme, which has furnished these
not particularly fine samples of black-diamonds.
And Mr. Punch further gives notice, that from this date he will not
be answerable for any puns Mr. Cole’s name may attract.
Lines by a High-Art Schoolboy.
Written in the Nave of the Great Exhibition Building.)
Eood-trophy-ation is vexation,
The Telescope’s as bad,
The furriers three, they bother me,
And Cremer drives me mad.
Hint to Longfellow.—Wanted in the United States. A Poet to
stump Lord Byron by composing a second Siege of Corinth.