Punch (43.1862)

Bus Conductor (slamming the door). “ Full Inside ! ”

Facetious Driver. “ Full Inside ! Well—so yer ought to be ;

“NO CARDS.”

We observe that our sensible friends in Scotland are adopting a very
wise plan. When a happy pair has been made a happy couple, the an-
nouncement is duly made in the papers, and after the notification that
Archibald Cameron Macearlane nas been wedded to Jessie
Flora Farquharson, comes the second notification “No Cards.”
This is, Mr. Punch repeats, a very proper thing. The tomfoolery of a
couple of cards, fastened together with a bit of glorified twine, has,
we believe descended to the inferior creation; but cards are still sent,
and the consequence is, that at every wedding mortal offence is sure to
be given to somebody, who- has been accidentally forgotten in the
excitement, and who has read in the book of Etiquette that the non-
reception of cards implies that you are to be dropped—you are not a
sort of person whom the husband wishes his wife to know. But if No
Cards are sent, no grievance can arise. Mr. Punch only wishes that
people would have the sense to apply a similar rule in the case of visits,
and that it was not thought necessary to go rushing over the Province
of Brick called London to leave a piece of pasteboard at a door which
you have not the least idea of entering. Why not do away with the
card nonsense ? At all events, if these reminders are necessary, why
not make Sir Rowland Hill carry them? Surely it is a higher
compliment to send a card by a knight than to hand it to your vassal.
Let us Post our Cards, until we abandon them altogether. Then the
ladies will have time to go to such a number of pleasant places witli
their husbands, instead of being obliged to irritate the latter by eternal
refusals, based on the necessity of leaving cards at the De Bores’, or
the Eitzbothers’. Mrs. Punch means, henceforth, to send all her cards
by the post, anti invites all her lady-friends to imitate her example until
the time when No Cards shall be the universal rule.

The Same Concern.

People ask, Which is law in the States, King Mob, or Almighty
Dollar ?

It’s only two names for the same thing—the rule of the roiody.

yer had a Sirloin of Bread and Cheese for yer Tea!”

THE ROWDIES’ MANUAL.

(International.)

Do others as you would that others should not do you.

Whatever is (American) is right.

Get all you can by fair means. When these are exhausted, try loul
ones.

Brag is a good dog, and Bunkum is a better.

Bully a Britisher: flatter a Frenchman: respect a Rooshian: shoot
a Southerner.

The only Argument for John Bull—A Co^-hide.

International Law.—What Stowell laid down, and we walk atop of.

Belligerent Rights.—For the North : Whatever we choose to take.
For the South: Whatever we like to give.

The Old World says, “A wprd and a blow.” We say, “ The blow lust
—and as many words as you like artenvards.”

[Domestic.)

Never pick your teeth with a neighbour’s fork : use your own, or,
better still, employ your bowie-knife. The display of weapons inspires
respect, and checks rudeness.

Things in which Nature recognises no Private Rights.— the iree air
of Heaven, the boundless Prairie, and a lellow-traveller’s tooth-brush.

Apt Quotation.

At a Piscatorial, that is, an Anglers’ Dinner the other night, a
speaker, eulogising the pursuit ot fishing, declared that nothing made
men faster friends than a common taste tor angling. “ True,” remarked
Mr. Punch, “ and this is what Polonius meant when he said,

■ • The friends thou hast

Grapple them to thy heart with hooks of steel.”

A quotation which Mr. Punch hereby sends to M. Fechter as a New
Year’s gift, and in testimony of high Shakspearian regard.