DOI Heft:
October 25, 1862
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16870#0174
October 25, 1862.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
167
AT DIEPPE.
Jones. “H’m! Here’s a pretty to-do! Can’t find my Machine now!”
MILITARY IF NOT NAVAL INTELLI-
GENCE.
A Pontoon bridge has been made, from the
designs of Captain Fowke, for the Viceroy of
Egypt. This bridge was lately tried on the
Serpentine in Hyde Park, by the First Middlesex
Engineer Volunteers and a party of the Royal
Engineers. The newspaper account of the pro-
ceedings informs us that the bridge having been
laid down over the Serpentine:—
“ The pontonniers ‘ fell in.’ ”
This was before they got upon the bridge, ob-
serve, civilian reader. No accident occurred.
Captain Fowice’s bridge, we are happy to find,
did not break down. In continuation, we are
told that the pontonniers were march -d and
trotted across it “‘four deep,’ subjecting it to
the greatest possible strain, which it bore without
wetting a plank.” Although, therefore, our
brave pontonniers fell in, the gallant fellows
happily escaped a ducking.
Fashionable Intelligence.
The new name for Crinoline promises to give
that elegant style of dress a fresh lease in the
devout and fashionable world. On dit at Paris
that an Illustrious Lady has presided in the
Camarilla, wearing a magnificent vestment, ex-
tended on hoops of vast circumference, and
figured witli the genuine pattern of the San-
benito, copied from the original design of the
Spanish Inquisition. It is whispered that this
pretty garment was a present from Rome in-
tended as a reward of filial devotion and valuable
services, to which its national and ecclesiastical
significance render it a most suitable testimonial.
!
!
LECTURES EOR RUFFIANS.
Mr. D’Eyncourt had before him the other day a case in which
two fellows were charged with certain acts of cruelty to a poor animal.
To the biped beasts, for their conduct to the quadruped, the Magis-
trate said—
“ What ought to be done to brutes like you is this. You ought to be flogged up
and down the place where you committed such atrocity.”
Mr. Punch, though no advocate for indiscriminate chastisement, is of
opinion that the excellent Magistrate was right. Rut it occurs to Mr.
Punch that inasmuch as the object of all punishment is instruction and
example, the lesson which Mr. D’Eyncourt would give to cruel men
and their friends, might be most advantageously administered in the
most calm and argumentative form, that of a sort of Lecture. There
should be no anger, no vengeance, but all should be done gently and
with precision.
For instance, take one of the above ruffians, and, undraping him to
the requisite extent, lead him into a circle, to be kept by the police.
His friends, the roughs, are around, but will be deterred by other cir-
cumstances from any interference.
Professor Punch undertakes to deliver the Lecture. He enters,
attended by a broad-shouldered assistant, Mr. Slasher, who has
selected a good whip from the laboratory of the Professor.
The ruffian, whose name is James Blight, has been convicted of
cruelty to a horse.
The Professor addresses him.
“Blight, listen to me.”
Mr. Blight probably grants his entire permission to Mr. Punch to
visit a locality in which good intentions form the pavement.
The Professor takes no notice of this permit, but proceeds.
“ You, Blight, have been shown to have treated a horse with great
cruelty. I am willing to believe that your act arose, as do very many
similar crimes, from ignorance. You are not aware, probably, that
when a whip descends violently upon the skin, either of man or beast,
great pain is caused. I could wish you to comprehend this thoroughly ;
and my young friend and assistant here will conduct an experiment
which I am induced to hope will elucidate this matter for you. If you
please,” says the Professor, with a smile to his co-operator.
Seven hearty cuts descend upon Mr. Blight’s shoulders.
ceed, on the understanding that you are convinced that the operation
in question is painful?”
Mr. Blight, with a very red face, discharges a volley of very irrele-
vant and irreverent language.
“ Ah! ” says the Professor, regretfully. “ I have failed, but (apolo-
getically) experiments will occasionally fail, and the philosopher’s duty
is undiscouraged to repeat them until success rewards him. If you
please, Mr. Slasher.”
Seven more cuts descend upon Mr. Blight.
“ There, here, hold ! ” bellows Mr. Blight, “ do you want to kill a
fellah ? ”
“Observe,” remarks Mr, Punch mildly to the crowd, “the difficulties
which beset the philosopher. He either fails to attain his object, or he
attains too much. I merely desired to prove to our friend that this
kind of operation was painful, and he jumps to the conclusion that it is
fatal. I trust, however, to bring him to that via media, which is
tutissima. If you please, Mr. Slasher.”
A third application, by the assistant, renders Mr. Blight tolerably
docile.
“ You now are convinced, I hope, that I was accurate in stating that
whipcord, violently applied, hurts, Mr. Blight ? ”
“ I should think I was,” growls Mu. Blight.
“Ah! you do not admit it fully—only in a qualified way. You
should think that you were convinced—you will not allow that you are
convinced. I fear I must trouble you again, Mr. Slasher.”
But Mr. Blight stays the uplifted weapon by a vehement declaration
that he has been hurt like fun.
“If you think it fun, Mr. Blight, I am afraid I must dispute the
accuracy of your illustration, and offer you the means of correcting it.
If you please.”
But Mr. Blight expresses his readiness to say anything. He allows
that flogging hurts very much indeed.
“ In that case, Mr. Blight, and gentlemen, I think we may bring
the lecture to a close. I am quite sure that it will not be forgotten,
and that, after this, no one before me will be guilty of cruelty, now that
he has seen the suffering it causes. I will only add that should any one
so far forget himself,! am authorised by Professor D’Eyncourt to
say that the experiment of to-day will be repeated, with additional
apparatus in the shape of a cat-o’-nine-tails. I have the honour to wish
you a good morning.”
Whether a course of lectures of this description might not be found
available in cases of extraordinary brutality, is a subject which Mr.
Punch hereby assigns to the British Forum as one for debate.
Thank you ! ” says Mr. Punch. “ Now. Mr. Blight, may I pro-!
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
167
AT DIEPPE.
Jones. “H’m! Here’s a pretty to-do! Can’t find my Machine now!”
MILITARY IF NOT NAVAL INTELLI-
GENCE.
A Pontoon bridge has been made, from the
designs of Captain Fowke, for the Viceroy of
Egypt. This bridge was lately tried on the
Serpentine in Hyde Park, by the First Middlesex
Engineer Volunteers and a party of the Royal
Engineers. The newspaper account of the pro-
ceedings informs us that the bridge having been
laid down over the Serpentine:—
“ The pontonniers ‘ fell in.’ ”
This was before they got upon the bridge, ob-
serve, civilian reader. No accident occurred.
Captain Fowice’s bridge, we are happy to find,
did not break down. In continuation, we are
told that the pontonniers were march -d and
trotted across it “‘four deep,’ subjecting it to
the greatest possible strain, which it bore without
wetting a plank.” Although, therefore, our
brave pontonniers fell in, the gallant fellows
happily escaped a ducking.
Fashionable Intelligence.
The new name for Crinoline promises to give
that elegant style of dress a fresh lease in the
devout and fashionable world. On dit at Paris
that an Illustrious Lady has presided in the
Camarilla, wearing a magnificent vestment, ex-
tended on hoops of vast circumference, and
figured witli the genuine pattern of the San-
benito, copied from the original design of the
Spanish Inquisition. It is whispered that this
pretty garment was a present from Rome in-
tended as a reward of filial devotion and valuable
services, to which its national and ecclesiastical
significance render it a most suitable testimonial.
!
!
LECTURES EOR RUFFIANS.
Mr. D’Eyncourt had before him the other day a case in which
two fellows were charged with certain acts of cruelty to a poor animal.
To the biped beasts, for their conduct to the quadruped, the Magis-
trate said—
“ What ought to be done to brutes like you is this. You ought to be flogged up
and down the place where you committed such atrocity.”
Mr. Punch, though no advocate for indiscriminate chastisement, is of
opinion that the excellent Magistrate was right. Rut it occurs to Mr.
Punch that inasmuch as the object of all punishment is instruction and
example, the lesson which Mr. D’Eyncourt would give to cruel men
and their friends, might be most advantageously administered in the
most calm and argumentative form, that of a sort of Lecture. There
should be no anger, no vengeance, but all should be done gently and
with precision.
For instance, take one of the above ruffians, and, undraping him to
the requisite extent, lead him into a circle, to be kept by the police.
His friends, the roughs, are around, but will be deterred by other cir-
cumstances from any interference.
Professor Punch undertakes to deliver the Lecture. He enters,
attended by a broad-shouldered assistant, Mr. Slasher, who has
selected a good whip from the laboratory of the Professor.
The ruffian, whose name is James Blight, has been convicted of
cruelty to a horse.
The Professor addresses him.
“Blight, listen to me.”
Mr. Blight probably grants his entire permission to Mr. Punch to
visit a locality in which good intentions form the pavement.
The Professor takes no notice of this permit, but proceeds.
“ You, Blight, have been shown to have treated a horse with great
cruelty. I am willing to believe that your act arose, as do very many
similar crimes, from ignorance. You are not aware, probably, that
when a whip descends violently upon the skin, either of man or beast,
great pain is caused. I could wish you to comprehend this thoroughly ;
and my young friend and assistant here will conduct an experiment
which I am induced to hope will elucidate this matter for you. If you
please,” says the Professor, with a smile to his co-operator.
Seven hearty cuts descend upon Mr. Blight’s shoulders.
ceed, on the understanding that you are convinced that the operation
in question is painful?”
Mr. Blight, with a very red face, discharges a volley of very irrele-
vant and irreverent language.
“ Ah! ” says the Professor, regretfully. “ I have failed, but (apolo-
getically) experiments will occasionally fail, and the philosopher’s duty
is undiscouraged to repeat them until success rewards him. If you
please, Mr. Slasher.”
Seven more cuts descend upon Mr. Blight.
“ There, here, hold ! ” bellows Mr. Blight, “ do you want to kill a
fellah ? ”
“Observe,” remarks Mr, Punch mildly to the crowd, “the difficulties
which beset the philosopher. He either fails to attain his object, or he
attains too much. I merely desired to prove to our friend that this
kind of operation was painful, and he jumps to the conclusion that it is
fatal. I trust, however, to bring him to that via media, which is
tutissima. If you please, Mr. Slasher.”
A third application, by the assistant, renders Mr. Blight tolerably
docile.
“ You now are convinced, I hope, that I was accurate in stating that
whipcord, violently applied, hurts, Mr. Blight ? ”
“ I should think I was,” growls Mu. Blight.
“Ah! you do not admit it fully—only in a qualified way. You
should think that you were convinced—you will not allow that you are
convinced. I fear I must trouble you again, Mr. Slasher.”
But Mr. Blight stays the uplifted weapon by a vehement declaration
that he has been hurt like fun.
“If you think it fun, Mr. Blight, I am afraid I must dispute the
accuracy of your illustration, and offer you the means of correcting it.
If you please.”
But Mr. Blight expresses his readiness to say anything. He allows
that flogging hurts very much indeed.
“ In that case, Mr. Blight, and gentlemen, I think we may bring
the lecture to a close. I am quite sure that it will not be forgotten,
and that, after this, no one before me will be guilty of cruelty, now that
he has seen the suffering it causes. I will only add that should any one
so far forget himself,! am authorised by Professor D’Eyncourt to
say that the experiment of to-day will be repeated, with additional
apparatus in the shape of a cat-o’-nine-tails. I have the honour to wish
you a good morning.”
Whether a course of lectures of this description might not be found
available in cases of extraordinary brutality, is a subject which Mr.
Punch hereby assigns to the British Forum as one for debate.
Thank you ! ” says Mr. Punch. “ Now. Mr. Blight, may I pro-!