DOI Heft:
August 23, 1862
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16870#0081
I -
August 23, 1862.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
73
THE UMBRELLA QUESTION;
Or what it would have come to, if Some People had had their way.
MARRIAGE BY ADVERTISEMENT.
Do people ever answer matrimonial advertisements? For instance,
is there any lady living who would ever condescend to forward a reply
to such a one as this ?—
\YJ ANTED, by a Widower, to Correspond with a Lady, in the middle
* * ranks of society, with a view to Matrimony. Must be between 35 and 45 years
of age, of good character, moderately educated, and of a cheerful disposition. This
is bond tide, and the strictest honour will be observed.—Address A 9, at the printer’s.
“Beware of widows,” was the caution of the elder Mr. Weller; and
to judge bv this advertisement, ladies who fear insult on the subject of
their age, had best beware of Widowers. What a brute the man must
be to ask a lady to confess to him that she is five-and-thirty! We
recoil from such a monster with virtuous disgust, and cite another
notice, cut from the same sheet:—
YOUNG MAN, aged 23, with an income of £300 per annum, wishes
to meet with a Young Lady, with a view to Matrimony. Those wishing for a
portrait must enclose 13 stamps.—Address X, Post-office, Sheffield.
There are sharp blades at Sheffield; and X is clearly one of them.
To our mind his advertisement reads simply like a trap to catch a lot
of postage stamps ; for curiosity is by no means an uncommon female
failing, and many a girl, we fear, would forward him the thirteen
stamps, if only just to see if X be good-looking or not. We should
ourselves incline to hazard a guess that he is not; for whatever be in
other points his symmetry of feature, it seems plain enough to us, from
the nature of his notice, that he has a most enormous quantity of
cheek.
A Confederate's Epigram.
On hairing of the splendiferous smash of the “ Arkansano" (so pronounced Iransatlan-
ticallv)into the Federal fleet.
Hurrah, hurrah, for the Ark-and-Saw!
Hurrah for the men and brothers !
The Ark preserved our Southern tars,
And the Saw went through them t’others.
A BRIGHT LITTLE ISLE.
Our Scottish triends certainly know how to do some things plea-
santly. We read in the Inverness Courier that there has been a gathering-
in the Island of Eigg in honour of a gentleman named Macpherson.
The proceedings were of the most Rabelaisian character, and the good
Pantagruel, Friar John, and Panurge, would have enjoyed them-
selves thoroughly. Audin’ 6 bone. There was a capital dinner; then
came bowls of reeking toddy : the party then retired to the Green, where
they heard an eloquent address from the above Mr. Macpherson, i
“On the importance of an early education,” and then they instantly
began “ dancing reels with real Highland glee to the strains of the
bagpipe.” Who says that there is no fun in Scotland ? Where is t his
Eigg, and is it the place we used to know as _ Egg, and put in a
geographical leash with Rum and Muck? We intend to visit Eigg
the first time we are in the Hebrides, and we are the more desirous to
find it out, because we read that the brave-hearted Eiggites are jolly in
spite of what would be considered by the effeminate as trying circum-
stances. “The poor people,” says the Inverness Courier, “who are
not able to buy coals are very ill off for fire, as last year’s peats are
done, and great doubts are entertained whether they will get any t his ;
year.” This is not as it should be. We always feel inclined to snub
a party who tells you of his misfortunes in a melancholy manner; but
a man who suffers jollily deserves to be helped. There is a worthy
minister in Eigg, the Reverend Mr. Grant. We wonder whether it'
any of Mr. Punch’s readers sent him a Post-Office Order to help the
poor jovial Eiggites to buy coals, he would get it, and be glad to get it.
We dare say that Sir Rowland Hill’s Early Education would enable
him to forward the letters to the right quarter. Try it, somebody, and
tell Mr. Punch the result.
Scientific.
An instrument has been invented which is called a Debuscope; and
unscientific persons possibly imagine that it is something in the
nature of an opera-glass; as an opera-glass is often used in witnessing
debuts. (The perpetrator of the foregoing is left for execution.—Ed.)
Vol. 43.
3—2
August 23, 1862.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
73
THE UMBRELLA QUESTION;
Or what it would have come to, if Some People had had their way.
MARRIAGE BY ADVERTISEMENT.
Do people ever answer matrimonial advertisements? For instance,
is there any lady living who would ever condescend to forward a reply
to such a one as this ?—
\YJ ANTED, by a Widower, to Correspond with a Lady, in the middle
* * ranks of society, with a view to Matrimony. Must be between 35 and 45 years
of age, of good character, moderately educated, and of a cheerful disposition. This
is bond tide, and the strictest honour will be observed.—Address A 9, at the printer’s.
“Beware of widows,” was the caution of the elder Mr. Weller; and
to judge bv this advertisement, ladies who fear insult on the subject of
their age, had best beware of Widowers. What a brute the man must
be to ask a lady to confess to him that she is five-and-thirty! We
recoil from such a monster with virtuous disgust, and cite another
notice, cut from the same sheet:—
YOUNG MAN, aged 23, with an income of £300 per annum, wishes
to meet with a Young Lady, with a view to Matrimony. Those wishing for a
portrait must enclose 13 stamps.—Address X, Post-office, Sheffield.
There are sharp blades at Sheffield; and X is clearly one of them.
To our mind his advertisement reads simply like a trap to catch a lot
of postage stamps ; for curiosity is by no means an uncommon female
failing, and many a girl, we fear, would forward him the thirteen
stamps, if only just to see if X be good-looking or not. We should
ourselves incline to hazard a guess that he is not; for whatever be in
other points his symmetry of feature, it seems plain enough to us, from
the nature of his notice, that he has a most enormous quantity of
cheek.
A Confederate's Epigram.
On hairing of the splendiferous smash of the “ Arkansano" (so pronounced Iransatlan-
ticallv)into the Federal fleet.
Hurrah, hurrah, for the Ark-and-Saw!
Hurrah for the men and brothers !
The Ark preserved our Southern tars,
And the Saw went through them t’others.
A BRIGHT LITTLE ISLE.
Our Scottish triends certainly know how to do some things plea-
santly. We read in the Inverness Courier that there has been a gathering-
in the Island of Eigg in honour of a gentleman named Macpherson.
The proceedings were of the most Rabelaisian character, and the good
Pantagruel, Friar John, and Panurge, would have enjoyed them-
selves thoroughly. Audin’ 6 bone. There was a capital dinner; then
came bowls of reeking toddy : the party then retired to the Green, where
they heard an eloquent address from the above Mr. Macpherson, i
“On the importance of an early education,” and then they instantly
began “ dancing reels with real Highland glee to the strains of the
bagpipe.” Who says that there is no fun in Scotland ? Where is t his
Eigg, and is it the place we used to know as _ Egg, and put in a
geographical leash with Rum and Muck? We intend to visit Eigg
the first time we are in the Hebrides, and we are the more desirous to
find it out, because we read that the brave-hearted Eiggites are jolly in
spite of what would be considered by the effeminate as trying circum-
stances. “The poor people,” says the Inverness Courier, “who are
not able to buy coals are very ill off for fire, as last year’s peats are
done, and great doubts are entertained whether they will get any t his ;
year.” This is not as it should be. We always feel inclined to snub
a party who tells you of his misfortunes in a melancholy manner; but
a man who suffers jollily deserves to be helped. There is a worthy
minister in Eigg, the Reverend Mr. Grant. We wonder whether it'
any of Mr. Punch’s readers sent him a Post-Office Order to help the
poor jovial Eiggites to buy coals, he would get it, and be glad to get it.
We dare say that Sir Rowland Hill’s Early Education would enable
him to forward the letters to the right quarter. Try it, somebody, and
tell Mr. Punch the result.
Scientific.
An instrument has been invented which is called a Debuscope; and
unscientific persons possibly imagine that it is something in the
nature of an opera-glass; as an opera-glass is often used in witnessing
debuts. (The perpetrator of the foregoing is left for execution.—Ed.)
Vol. 43.
3—2