Punch (43.1862)

August 9, 1862.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

51

JUST LIKE LONGSHANKS-HE ALWAYS IS SO INCONSIDERATE.

“ I say, Shorties, old fella, jtist dash us off a sketch of this waterfall—it's the prettiest bit
I 've seen in the whole neighbourhood. ”

DISCOUNTING ONE'S MARBLE.

We read in the Bath Chronicle that in the Abbey
Cemetery (which we take not to be exactly the place
where Mr. Acres thought there was “snug lying”)
a citizen of Bath has erected unto himself a tombstone,
upon which he has recorded all that is usually placed
there, leaving a blank for the day of his demise. And
this memorial by anticipation the brave Bath brick occa-
sionally visits and reads. We do not hear whether he
has indulged himself in epigraphic eulogy, but why
should he not do so ? He must know himself better
than anybody else can know him, and may speak of his
own virtues with the calmness of certainty, whereas
his executors could only guess at them. Let him put
up “R. I. P.”, whether that mean Respected in the
Parish, or as in Roman Catholic inscriptions, implies an
unpleasantly warm operation undergone in the inter-
mediate state. Or stay. Why not take the other line ?
He is a strong-minded man, and not afraid to rebuke
tombstone flatteries. We have not the slightest or
faintest idea who he is, and therefore cannot annoy
him by our wildest supposition. Let us suppose him
a Humbug. His decorous executors may or may not
know the fact, but certainly will not allege it, via chisel
and hammer. What a splendid moral lesson he might
read—thus :—

Here Lies
What is Mortal of

PIGGE DE BLADUD, ESQ.,

Of this City,

He had a bad temper and a good wig:

He knew which side his bread was buttered:

He was thought rich, and undeceived nobody:

Hence he was feared, admired, respected, and made
Churchwarden. And,

Dying on the Blank day of Blank,

And leaving next to nothing behind him,

Is now called an awful old Humbug,

And does not care a farthing what he is called.

Now, there would be true courage in a man who
should put up anything of that sort, and we believe
(unless seeing Robert le JDiable has made us super-
stitious) that the hypocritical tombstones around this
revelation would be found to have twisted round and
lurned their backs upon such vulgar frankness. Be
mortuis nil nisi Verum is a rule to which we have not
yet attained; but if the living took to writing their
own epitaphs, we might approach that wholesomeness.
At any rate we are obliged to our friend at Bath for
putting the notion into our minds, and in return we will
hope that it will be a good while (if such be his wish)
before the date is chiselled into the stone mentioned in
i he Bath Chronicle.

AN ACT FOR THE INCLOSTJRE OF COMMONS,

COMMONLY TO BE CALLED PETER BELL’S ACT.

Whereas, on the petition of Peter Bell, of the County of Cum-
berland, Potter, this House hath resolved and determined and doth
hereby declare that a certain Flower of a Yellow Colour called a Prim-
rose, growing and blowing on the brim, brink, or margin of a river, is
a Yellow Primrose and nothing more, and further, that the said Prim-
rose, and all other flowers of whatsoever names and colours, growing
and blowing wheresoever, are only such flowers of such names and
colours, and not any other things, except in as far as they may be used
and applied in the Arts and Sciences :

And whereas the said Primroses, and other the like flowers, growing
wild, are for the most part either noxious weeds, or at least unservice-
able lor the food of Man or Beast, and of no Use whatever except those
which, being Poisonous, are used in Medicine, the rest serving only to
nourish the vain fancies and conceits of unprofitable Writers and
Poets:

And wdicreas there are and remain in divers parts of the Dominions
of Her Majesty the Queen, sundry and several Waste and Uncultivated
Tracts of Land called Commons, in derogation of the Name and Dig-
nity of this House, being the Common Property of the neighbouring
People and belonging to no particular Person, and whereas the Produce
of the said Commons, besides Heath, Gorse or Eurze, and Thistles,
consists principally or entirely of the said Primroses and of other Wild
Flowers, as Cowslips, Violets, Buttercups, Daisies, Dandelions and
Dog Roses:

And whereas Small Children, and other Vagrants and Idle and
Disorderly Persons, are accustomed to roam, ramble, lurk, and wander
up and down and about the said Commons and squander and misemploy
their Time in Plucking and gathermg the said Primroses, Cowslips,
Dandelions, Dog Roses, and other Wild Flowers aforesaid:

And whereas it is expedient to Prevent such Waste and Misemploy-
ment of Time, and to turn such Commons and Waste Lands if possible
to some Profitable Account, by clearing them as well of all Gorse or
Furze, Thistles, and Heath, as of Brambles, Bushes, Trees and Under-
wood, and by eradicating the said Primroses, and other Wild Flowers
aforesaid, on the said Commons or Waste Lands growing and blowing,
or lying rooted in the Soil, to the end that the same may be converted
into" Arable or Building Land, and either laid out and covered with
Bricks and Mortar, or ploughed or digged and spread with Manure:
And whereas incases wherein the said Soil is incapable of Cultivation
or unfit for Building Purposes it is desirable that the said Commons
should be converted into Game Preserves :

Be it therefore enacted. That the said Commons and Waste Places
shall all and each of them no lpnger be the Common Property of the
neighbouring People, that all existing rights of Common shall cease
and determine, and that Her Majesty’s Commissioners of Woods and
Forests shall be, and are hereby, authorised and empowered to Sell the
said Lands to the Best Bidder, to the end that all the said Commons
and Waste Lands in England be finally inclosed for ever.

And be it enacted, That this Act for the Inclosure of the Commons
of England shall come into effect and operation on the First Day of the
I next ensuing Month of April.