DOI Heft:
[July] 11, 1862
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16870#0021
January 11, 1862.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
13
Mrs. P. You shall see, on Wednesday. You axe making no break-
fast, dear. Shall I cut you a slice of this lovely ham f
P. No—yes—the least bit. But what’s Wednesday ?
Mrs. P. Why, our party.
P. I never heard ot it, and I am engaged. (General uproar). I tell
you I never heard of it, and I ought to be told before these things are
fixed. And I said I would have no parties this year.
Mrs. P. (charging hotly.) Why, Pa, dear, you have often said that
Wednesday was always the day you liked best for parties, and you
declared you would not go out any more this Christmas, and I supposed
you knew your own mind, and meant what you said, as you are always
recommending the children to do, and it is nonsense to talk about no
parties, as if we could receive people’s hospitalities and make them no
return. I am sure I should be ashamed to look people in the face if I
were so mean as that, and you know that you yourself the other
morning were holding up Mu. Scraper to ridicule for his stinginess in
dining with everybody and making no return. 1 don’t care about
parties, you know 1 hat, except for the sake of the children, but I do like
consistency, and you should not preach one thing one day and another
another. Let me give you some hot tea, that must have got quite cold
while you keep talking over it.
P. (Utterly routed, hides himself under the “Times,” like Mr. Smith
O’Brien under the cabbage-leaves) Humph!
[The victorious enemy dances over his body.
Master Bob. No end of fun we’re to have. Pa. I’ve ordered the
magic lantern and a double go of dissolving views, veluti in speculum,
don’t you know ?
Master Jacky. I’m to make the snap-dragon.
Miss Laura. All the Miss Eeliotsons are coming and their cousins,
and the young barrister that you like.
Master Bob. And that Maggie don’t hate.
Mrs. P. {severely.) Silence, Robert, I desire you. A repetition of
such nonsense will compel me to exclude Mr. Clatterbox from my
aouse, which I should regret, as he is a very agreeable young man of
excellent prospects, and his uncle is a bishop.
P. Humph!
[Winks at his daughter Margaret behind the newspaper.
Miss Maria. We shall be fifty at least.
P. {plucking up and resolving to make the best of it). I’m fifty, at
east, already, and I don’t approve of such riots.
Master Jacky Only once a year. Pa. Please to remember the
grotto.
P. Cape Madeira and pale ale, mind. No wine from me.
General I aughing Chorus. 0! 0 ! 0! OJ 0 !
Miss Maggie. You’ll do w hat’s right, Papa, / know. And if you know
anybody you would like to bring, you may bring him, and if he isn’t a
Guy, Pll dance a quadrille with him. {Pulls her parents whiskers.)
P. (Rises.) You’re very good, I’m sure. Well, have you asked the
Vernons, and the Harpers, and the Montgomerys, and old
Trafford, and Mrs. Wisbeach ? Do the thing properly, while
you are about it. And I’ll make James Clarkson come, he’s good at
brewing Cups.
Master Bob. And that will save your wine, you know. We must
retrench in these days, if we can.
P. (giving him a topper.) Ah, my boy, when you have to pay bills—
by Jove, it’s ten o’clock. I must be off, for I ’ve got some port to taste
at one o’clock, and I must get my work done first. Good-bye, dears.
Chorus. Good-bye, Daddy long-legs. (Exit the Grand Remonstrant.
Scene in Kitchen.
Sarah (in continuation). So master says, says he, I’ve got nine
minds, says he, to cut things a good bit closer, says he, than I’ve bin
doing, says he-
Rest of Domestics. All stuff! Missis knows better than to stand any
nonsense of that kind. She's-
[Enter Mrs. Paterfamilias just in time to stop the analysis of her
own character, to read Cook a lecture on modified hospitality to
cousins, and to make preliminary arrangements for Wednesday.
“ And it will bode ill to the domestic institutions of England
when Paterfamilias has a chance against the household baud
leagued together in one common cause.”
DIRECTION-POSTS FOR THE POPULACE.
Ornament in various public objects—lamp-posts, gates, drinking-
fountains, and so forth, is now, in a measure, generally combined with
utility. A finger-post in some cases is furnished with a hand and finger
painted with a degree of conscientiousness and attention to the rules
of colouring and design. Now, such a finger-post is all very well in
its way, namely any lashionable thoroughfare; for the better classes
always point with the forefinger after the manner of the post. But
the lower orders, for the most part, use a different and peculiar mode of
pointing; and therefore, since, in all Art, keeping ana congruity are
carefully to be observed, let all the posts and boards, serving to direct
the. passenger in the slums, be provided with a hand issuing out of a
plain fustian cuff instead of a swell cloth one with a wristband, the
fingers being closed, and the way indicated with the thumb.
AMATEUR ENGINE-DRIVERS.
It does not appear from the letter of Mr. J. B. Owen, Secretary to
the Eastern Counties Railway, addressed to the Times in answer to
that ot An Eastern Counties Railway Traveller,” that the office of
the engine-driver on that line had not been once, if not oftener, per-
formed by young Mr. Windham, the state of whose mind is now
under legal investigation.
It does appear that on a particular day “ Mr. Windham had endea-
voured to interfere with the duties of the guard—not the driver—by
calling out the names ot some of the stations and asking the passengers
to take their seats.” But whether this eccentric young gentleman had,
or had not., been previously allowed to take the driver’s place and dis-
charge his duty, f hath not appeared.” The public would like to know
what the fact is in that particular.
The public would also like to know if it has, or not, been the prac-
tice, unknown ot course to directors, on the Eastern Counties Railway,
if not on other railways, for fast young men, to procurp by bribery, the
amusement ot driving the engine ? If so, what an escape some ot the
public have had; and what an escape the fast young men have had;
either from getting themselves, together with the passengers, smashed,
or getting sentenced to penal,servitude for manslaughter; as they, at
least, of all unlucky engme-drivers, would have richly deserved to be,
had they caused a fatal accident.
With reference to the minor offence of playing the guard—dressed,
according to “ An Eastern Counties Railway Traveller,” in something
like a guard’s uniform, it is some comfort to be told in Mr. Owen’s
flowery language, that, as soon as this fool’s trick came to the know-
ledge of his directors’ officers :—
“ Prompt and decisive steps were immediately taken to prevent the recurrence ot
such an irregularity, and a communication on the subject addressed to Mr. Wind-
ham’s relatives.”
Mr. Owen,, we hope, means to say, that the policemen of the
Eastern Counties Railway have been ordered to keep a sharp look out
for boobies on that line, and prevent them from acting as guards,
engine-drivers, or other servants of the Company, any more.
Latest from Bedlam.
BY A MANIACAL COCKNEY.
Why is Deerfoot like a penknife?—Because he is often employed
as a he-racer!
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
13
Mrs. P. You shall see, on Wednesday. You axe making no break-
fast, dear. Shall I cut you a slice of this lovely ham f
P. No—yes—the least bit. But what’s Wednesday ?
Mrs. P. Why, our party.
P. I never heard ot it, and I am engaged. (General uproar). I tell
you I never heard of it, and I ought to be told before these things are
fixed. And I said I would have no parties this year.
Mrs. P. (charging hotly.) Why, Pa, dear, you have often said that
Wednesday was always the day you liked best for parties, and you
declared you would not go out any more this Christmas, and I supposed
you knew your own mind, and meant what you said, as you are always
recommending the children to do, and it is nonsense to talk about no
parties, as if we could receive people’s hospitalities and make them no
return. I am sure I should be ashamed to look people in the face if I
were so mean as that, and you know that you yourself the other
morning were holding up Mu. Scraper to ridicule for his stinginess in
dining with everybody and making no return. 1 don’t care about
parties, you know 1 hat, except for the sake of the children, but I do like
consistency, and you should not preach one thing one day and another
another. Let me give you some hot tea, that must have got quite cold
while you keep talking over it.
P. (Utterly routed, hides himself under the “Times,” like Mr. Smith
O’Brien under the cabbage-leaves) Humph!
[The victorious enemy dances over his body.
Master Bob. No end of fun we’re to have. Pa. I’ve ordered the
magic lantern and a double go of dissolving views, veluti in speculum,
don’t you know ?
Master Jacky. I’m to make the snap-dragon.
Miss Laura. All the Miss Eeliotsons are coming and their cousins,
and the young barrister that you like.
Master Bob. And that Maggie don’t hate.
Mrs. P. {severely.) Silence, Robert, I desire you. A repetition of
such nonsense will compel me to exclude Mr. Clatterbox from my
aouse, which I should regret, as he is a very agreeable young man of
excellent prospects, and his uncle is a bishop.
P. Humph!
[Winks at his daughter Margaret behind the newspaper.
Miss Maria. We shall be fifty at least.
P. {plucking up and resolving to make the best of it). I’m fifty, at
east, already, and I don’t approve of such riots.
Master Jacky Only once a year. Pa. Please to remember the
grotto.
P. Cape Madeira and pale ale, mind. No wine from me.
General I aughing Chorus. 0! 0 ! 0! OJ 0 !
Miss Maggie. You’ll do w hat’s right, Papa, / know. And if you know
anybody you would like to bring, you may bring him, and if he isn’t a
Guy, Pll dance a quadrille with him. {Pulls her parents whiskers.)
P. (Rises.) You’re very good, I’m sure. Well, have you asked the
Vernons, and the Harpers, and the Montgomerys, and old
Trafford, and Mrs. Wisbeach ? Do the thing properly, while
you are about it. And I’ll make James Clarkson come, he’s good at
brewing Cups.
Master Bob. And that will save your wine, you know. We must
retrench in these days, if we can.
P. (giving him a topper.) Ah, my boy, when you have to pay bills—
by Jove, it’s ten o’clock. I must be off, for I ’ve got some port to taste
at one o’clock, and I must get my work done first. Good-bye, dears.
Chorus. Good-bye, Daddy long-legs. (Exit the Grand Remonstrant.
Scene in Kitchen.
Sarah (in continuation). So master says, says he, I’ve got nine
minds, says he, to cut things a good bit closer, says he, than I’ve bin
doing, says he-
Rest of Domestics. All stuff! Missis knows better than to stand any
nonsense of that kind. She's-
[Enter Mrs. Paterfamilias just in time to stop the analysis of her
own character, to read Cook a lecture on modified hospitality to
cousins, and to make preliminary arrangements for Wednesday.
“ And it will bode ill to the domestic institutions of England
when Paterfamilias has a chance against the household baud
leagued together in one common cause.”
DIRECTION-POSTS FOR THE POPULACE.
Ornament in various public objects—lamp-posts, gates, drinking-
fountains, and so forth, is now, in a measure, generally combined with
utility. A finger-post in some cases is furnished with a hand and finger
painted with a degree of conscientiousness and attention to the rules
of colouring and design. Now, such a finger-post is all very well in
its way, namely any lashionable thoroughfare; for the better classes
always point with the forefinger after the manner of the post. But
the lower orders, for the most part, use a different and peculiar mode of
pointing; and therefore, since, in all Art, keeping ana congruity are
carefully to be observed, let all the posts and boards, serving to direct
the. passenger in the slums, be provided with a hand issuing out of a
plain fustian cuff instead of a swell cloth one with a wristband, the
fingers being closed, and the way indicated with the thumb.
AMATEUR ENGINE-DRIVERS.
It does not appear from the letter of Mr. J. B. Owen, Secretary to
the Eastern Counties Railway, addressed to the Times in answer to
that ot An Eastern Counties Railway Traveller,” that the office of
the engine-driver on that line had not been once, if not oftener, per-
formed by young Mr. Windham, the state of whose mind is now
under legal investigation.
It does appear that on a particular day “ Mr. Windham had endea-
voured to interfere with the duties of the guard—not the driver—by
calling out the names ot some of the stations and asking the passengers
to take their seats.” But whether this eccentric young gentleman had,
or had not., been previously allowed to take the driver’s place and dis-
charge his duty, f hath not appeared.” The public would like to know
what the fact is in that particular.
The public would also like to know if it has, or not, been the prac-
tice, unknown ot course to directors, on the Eastern Counties Railway,
if not on other railways, for fast young men, to procurp by bribery, the
amusement ot driving the engine ? If so, what an escape some ot the
public have had; and what an escape the fast young men have had;
either from getting themselves, together with the passengers, smashed,
or getting sentenced to penal,servitude for manslaughter; as they, at
least, of all unlucky engme-drivers, would have richly deserved to be,
had they caused a fatal accident.
With reference to the minor offence of playing the guard—dressed,
according to “ An Eastern Counties Railway Traveller,” in something
like a guard’s uniform, it is some comfort to be told in Mr. Owen’s
flowery language, that, as soon as this fool’s trick came to the know-
ledge of his directors’ officers :—
“ Prompt and decisive steps were immediately taken to prevent the recurrence ot
such an irregularity, and a communication on the subject addressed to Mr. Wind-
ham’s relatives.”
Mr. Owen,, we hope, means to say, that the policemen of the
Eastern Counties Railway have been ordered to keep a sharp look out
for boobies on that line, and prevent them from acting as guards,
engine-drivers, or other servants of the Company, any more.
Latest from Bedlam.
BY A MANIACAL COCKNEY.
Why is Deerfoot like a penknife?—Because he is often employed
as a he-racer!