Punch (43.1862)

RATHER VULGAR, BUT PERFECTLY TRUE.

Boatman (in the distance). “ I say, Jack., got a Mossel o’ Bait to spare ? ”

Jack. “ Well, I can’t let yer have no Wums ; bdt I don’t mind lending ter a bit o’ Bullock’s Liver to oblige a Lady ! ”

FRANCE TO ITALY.

Italians, you but waste your breath.

The right you cry for stands no chance ;
You raise the shout of “Rome or Death ! ”
And “ Death ! ” is the reply of France.
Yes, death, my friends, for 1 am strong;

France is resolved to have her way ;

Her will is law which, right or wrong,

The weak must perish or obey.

Your claim of Rome I must refuse.

For I don’t want you to become
Too independent, and I choose
To keep you underneath my thumb.

But death’s a boon I won’t deny,

If you desire to bite the dust,

Brave, then, the might of France, and die;
If die you will, then die you must.

My Bourbons I dethroned, ’tis true ;

But therefore cherish not the hope
That I shall ever suffer you
To do the like, and doff the Pope.

His power it suits me to maintain.

My camions guard the Papal chair;

You pray for liberty in vain:

Attempt to win it if you dare.

The Eldest Daughter of the Church,

Must needs defend her parent’s Head,
And keep the Pontiff on his perch,
Although upon your necks he tread.
Creeds may by her be turned to sport.

Or dogmas carelessly ignored.

But France must Popery support,

As an Idea, with the sword.

To suppliants what I did not grant
Claimants from me shall never wring ;

To stern demand of course I can’t
Think of conceding such a thing.

Honour forbids me to concede,

To menace, what is justly due;

Then how you strike for Rome, take heed :
Death is your portion if you do.

A generous nation am I not ?

Of progress don’t I lead the van f

Befriend the struggling patriot F
And vindicate the Rights of Man ?

Al) ! yes, but I must domineer,

So cannot call my forces home.

Then Death to every Volunteer
So bold as to advance on Rome!

AN OLD FRIEND WITH A NEW NAME.

Actually, the Eastern Counties Railway is no more! Don’t be
alarmed, Tomkins, there still are trains to Lowestoft. But there are
no longer trains upon the Eastern Counties. By an Act which passed
last Session, that Railway is in future to be known as the Great
Eastern. Don’t frighten your wife, Tomkins, by saying that whereas
you thought of taking her to Lowestoft, you now intend to treat her to
a trip by the Great Eastern. She might not like the notion of going to
New York just now, with the chance perhaps of seeing you a conscript
for M'Clellan. So, when you speak of the Great Eastern, mind you
mention the word Railway; and meanwhile join with Mr. Punch in
hoping that the name of the Great Eastern will stand higher in the
railway world than that which it succeeds; and, as one way of insuring
this, let us hope that express trains will not be bound to stop five times
in forty miles, as, Mr. Punch has heard, they used to do upon the
Eastern Counties.