DOI issue:
September 6, 1862
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16870#0110
September 6, 1862.]
103
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
A YANKEE HICCUP.
One of the electric wires belonging to Mr. Reuter has
been the unconscious instrument of conveyance for the sub-
joined ravings uttered by Mr. Cassius M. Clay, in a
speech which he lately made at Washington :—
“ England is the most unfriendly nation on earth. Her conduct
on the slavery question is hellishly damnable hypocrisy. She is
looking for America’s downfall, but France protects America. He
would not desist speaking against England. When England threat-
ened the national existence, Napoleon was the firm and fixed friend
of America.”
“ Shall I be frighted when a madman stares?” is the
question which will occur to every Englishman who reatls
the maniacal invective delivered, as above reported, by
the Yankee Cassius. The style of this furious fool re-
sembles nothing ever heard in England out of Bedlam,
except the noisy truculent drivel of a violent imbecile
drunkard, in a paroxysm of delirium tremens, belching
frantic impotent abuse in the tap-room of a low public-
house. Mr. Clay, apparently, is excessively given, to
moisten that base clay ridiculously adjoined to the name
of a noble Roman, with brandy-smash, and other infatuating
and infuriating beverages. In this way he may be regarded as
a practitioner, though not an ornament, of the American Bar.
No sober Northern American gentleman, of course, could
speak of England in any other terms than those of the most
ardent gratitude for the marvellous forbearance which she
has exhibited towards those who, loving their own pride
and purposes, have subjected her to the cotton famine.
Only a drunken Yankee blackguard could abuse and blas-
pheme her in return for the romantic generosity with which
she has abstained from supplying the South with the ships
and the weapons which were all that they wanted for the
swift discomfiture of Yankeedom. Cassius M. Clay may
pass for a stump orator; but it was evidently from no
stump that he howled the false nonsense above quoted. He
must have been rolling in the kennel or sprawling on the
ground; it is clear that he was unable to stand or go,
manifest that he was lying.
BROADWAY.
Boy. “ Now then, Yankee, out of the way ; here's the Cavcdry a-coming.”
The Seat oe Waugh.—A pleasant country-seat, out of
creditor-range.
PITY THE POOR FOREIGNERS.
We hear a good deal said about preventing cruelty to animals ; but
nobody appears to think a bit about preventing cruelty to foreigners.
By the care and labour of two charitable, societies, cab-horses are saved
from being whipped to death, and dogs that lose their way are tenderly
looked after and conduoted to a refuge. Now, when such care is
expended upon other living creatures, surely some one ought to start a
scheme for picking up stray foreigners, and conducting them in safety
whither they may want to go, and for saving them, if possible, from
being much fleeced when they get there. Members of a London Geo-
graphical Society should be placed at certain distances on duty in the
streets, to look out for unfortunate Mossoos who have lost their way,
and are as helpless as stray sheep, and quite as Kkely to be fleeced.
As it is, the poor Mossoo has only the police to guide his wandering
steps; and a policemau, as a rule, knows nought beyond his beat, and
not one in a hundred of them could tell Mossoo the way he happens to
want to know, which most likely is the shortest cut from Leicester
Square to Limehouse. Besides, even if he know what directions should
be given, pray how is a policeman, who cannot speak one word of any
language but his own, to make himself intelligible to Mossoo or
Mynherr, who, it is nearly as presumable, does not know a word of
English. Of course, the consequence is usually that Mynheer and
Mossoo are in desperation driven to commit themselves to cabs, and it
may faintly be imagined what miles and miles they go before they reach
their destination, and how dearly, when they do so, they find .they have
to pay.
THE PENNY-A-LINER’S BEST ERIEND.
From the number of accidents that are continually occurring, we should
say that the very best friend the Penny-a-liner ever had is Crinoline. The
mere fires alone that have resulted from wearing that fatal garment must
have cooked him many and many a dinner. In fact, we suspect that on
several occasions, when at a loss for a genuine accident, that it has also
fired his imagination, since it is almost impossible to believe that the
innumerable casualties recorded nearly every day in the papers can all
have been founded on fact. Considering the number of persons it has
consumed alive, crinoline seems to have inherited the secret of the
patent of Nessus’ shirt—a secret that we always thought had been for-
ever extinguished with the life of its first Herculean wearer, it is a
cruel fashion, that, judging from the number of its unfortunate victims,
must have had Moloch! for its original inventor. However, though it
may have been death to hundreds of ladies, still to many, a struggling
historian of the hebdomadal press it has proved a positive life-preserver.
In fact, our old friend Jenkins declares that he is reconciled to the
fashion’ out of gratitude to the large profit he has derived from it, and
candidly confesses that, if crinoline only continues in existence another
year or two, that he shall be able to retire from the profession he has
so long adorned, with a very handsome fortune.
A SNUG PLACE EOR A SMALL EATER.
We have heard a little lately about clerical preferment, and the snug
places that sometimes are stepped into through the Church. Here
however, is a place which few would care to be preferred to, though it
is within the giving of a Member ot the Church:—
p ROOM and GARDENER WANTED, to attend to two horses and
vJ" two carriages, clean boots and knives, and pump daily, to wait at table occa-
sionally, and valet a gentleman, in a small family. Wages £18 per annum, livery
and stable clotbes, to lodge and board out. Address tbe Hev. Curate, Hectory,
N—bury.
Plentv to do and little to get: this appears to be what they who
answer this advertisement must look for. For a man to act as groom,
and gardener, and waiter, and knife-cleaner, and shoeblack, and valet to
a gentleman, besides having to pump daily and look after two carriages,
he had need be pretty quick in his locomotive habits, or the odds are
he will never get half through his day’s work. Figaro sit, Figaro giu,
Figaro qua, Figaro la. He must be here and there and everywhere,
and always on the move. Sir, and able to do at least a dozen things at
once. The power of ubiquity, combined with a small appetite, this he
ought to have to fit him for the place. Eighteen pounds per annum is
not quite a shilling a day, and this is no vast sum to buy one’s board
and lodging with. There is a text which says, “ The labourer is worthy
of his hire ; ” but whether such a hire as is offered in this instance be
such as any common labourer would think worthy to accept, we leave
“the Rev. Curate” at his leisure to find out.
103
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
A YANKEE HICCUP.
One of the electric wires belonging to Mr. Reuter has
been the unconscious instrument of conveyance for the sub-
joined ravings uttered by Mr. Cassius M. Clay, in a
speech which he lately made at Washington :—
“ England is the most unfriendly nation on earth. Her conduct
on the slavery question is hellishly damnable hypocrisy. She is
looking for America’s downfall, but France protects America. He
would not desist speaking against England. When England threat-
ened the national existence, Napoleon was the firm and fixed friend
of America.”
“ Shall I be frighted when a madman stares?” is the
question which will occur to every Englishman who reatls
the maniacal invective delivered, as above reported, by
the Yankee Cassius. The style of this furious fool re-
sembles nothing ever heard in England out of Bedlam,
except the noisy truculent drivel of a violent imbecile
drunkard, in a paroxysm of delirium tremens, belching
frantic impotent abuse in the tap-room of a low public-
house. Mr. Clay, apparently, is excessively given, to
moisten that base clay ridiculously adjoined to the name
of a noble Roman, with brandy-smash, and other infatuating
and infuriating beverages. In this way he may be regarded as
a practitioner, though not an ornament, of the American Bar.
No sober Northern American gentleman, of course, could
speak of England in any other terms than those of the most
ardent gratitude for the marvellous forbearance which she
has exhibited towards those who, loving their own pride
and purposes, have subjected her to the cotton famine.
Only a drunken Yankee blackguard could abuse and blas-
pheme her in return for the romantic generosity with which
she has abstained from supplying the South with the ships
and the weapons which were all that they wanted for the
swift discomfiture of Yankeedom. Cassius M. Clay may
pass for a stump orator; but it was evidently from no
stump that he howled the false nonsense above quoted. He
must have been rolling in the kennel or sprawling on the
ground; it is clear that he was unable to stand or go,
manifest that he was lying.
BROADWAY.
Boy. “ Now then, Yankee, out of the way ; here's the Cavcdry a-coming.”
The Seat oe Waugh.—A pleasant country-seat, out of
creditor-range.
PITY THE POOR FOREIGNERS.
We hear a good deal said about preventing cruelty to animals ; but
nobody appears to think a bit about preventing cruelty to foreigners.
By the care and labour of two charitable, societies, cab-horses are saved
from being whipped to death, and dogs that lose their way are tenderly
looked after and conduoted to a refuge. Now, when such care is
expended upon other living creatures, surely some one ought to start a
scheme for picking up stray foreigners, and conducting them in safety
whither they may want to go, and for saving them, if possible, from
being much fleeced when they get there. Members of a London Geo-
graphical Society should be placed at certain distances on duty in the
streets, to look out for unfortunate Mossoos who have lost their way,
and are as helpless as stray sheep, and quite as Kkely to be fleeced.
As it is, the poor Mossoo has only the police to guide his wandering
steps; and a policemau, as a rule, knows nought beyond his beat, and
not one in a hundred of them could tell Mossoo the way he happens to
want to know, which most likely is the shortest cut from Leicester
Square to Limehouse. Besides, even if he know what directions should
be given, pray how is a policeman, who cannot speak one word of any
language but his own, to make himself intelligible to Mossoo or
Mynherr, who, it is nearly as presumable, does not know a word of
English. Of course, the consequence is usually that Mynheer and
Mossoo are in desperation driven to commit themselves to cabs, and it
may faintly be imagined what miles and miles they go before they reach
their destination, and how dearly, when they do so, they find .they have
to pay.
THE PENNY-A-LINER’S BEST ERIEND.
From the number of accidents that are continually occurring, we should
say that the very best friend the Penny-a-liner ever had is Crinoline. The
mere fires alone that have resulted from wearing that fatal garment must
have cooked him many and many a dinner. In fact, we suspect that on
several occasions, when at a loss for a genuine accident, that it has also
fired his imagination, since it is almost impossible to believe that the
innumerable casualties recorded nearly every day in the papers can all
have been founded on fact. Considering the number of persons it has
consumed alive, crinoline seems to have inherited the secret of the
patent of Nessus’ shirt—a secret that we always thought had been for-
ever extinguished with the life of its first Herculean wearer, it is a
cruel fashion, that, judging from the number of its unfortunate victims,
must have had Moloch! for its original inventor. However, though it
may have been death to hundreds of ladies, still to many, a struggling
historian of the hebdomadal press it has proved a positive life-preserver.
In fact, our old friend Jenkins declares that he is reconciled to the
fashion’ out of gratitude to the large profit he has derived from it, and
candidly confesses that, if crinoline only continues in existence another
year or two, that he shall be able to retire from the profession he has
so long adorned, with a very handsome fortune.
A SNUG PLACE EOR A SMALL EATER.
We have heard a little lately about clerical preferment, and the snug
places that sometimes are stepped into through the Church. Here
however, is a place which few would care to be preferred to, though it
is within the giving of a Member ot the Church:—
p ROOM and GARDENER WANTED, to attend to two horses and
vJ" two carriages, clean boots and knives, and pump daily, to wait at table occa-
sionally, and valet a gentleman, in a small family. Wages £18 per annum, livery
and stable clotbes, to lodge and board out. Address tbe Hev. Curate, Hectory,
N—bury.
Plentv to do and little to get: this appears to be what they who
answer this advertisement must look for. For a man to act as groom,
and gardener, and waiter, and knife-cleaner, and shoeblack, and valet to
a gentleman, besides having to pump daily and look after two carriages,
he had need be pretty quick in his locomotive habits, or the odds are
he will never get half through his day’s work. Figaro sit, Figaro giu,
Figaro qua, Figaro la. He must be here and there and everywhere,
and always on the move. Sir, and able to do at least a dozen things at
once. The power of ubiquity, combined with a small appetite, this he
ought to have to fit him for the place. Eighteen pounds per annum is
not quite a shilling a day, and this is no vast sum to buy one’s board
and lodging with. There is a text which says, “ The labourer is worthy
of his hire ; ” but whether such a hire as is offered in this instance be
such as any common labourer would think worthy to accept, we leave
“the Rev. Curate” at his leisure to find out.