DOI issue:
October 18, 1862
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16870#0166
October 18, 1862.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
159
MEETING OF TICKET-0F-LEAVE MEN.
N indignation meet-
ingofpickpockets,
swell - mobsmen,
burglars, and ga-
rotters, was held
the other evening,
. at the Cracks-
man's Arms, to
protest against the
threatened aboli-
tion of the Ticket-
; of - leave system,
and generally to
consider the steps
which should be
taken to protect
the vested inte-
rests of the thieves
throughout the
kingdom. Pipes
having been lighted, and a plentiful supply of beer and spirits being ordered, the
business of the meeting was commenced by a discussion as to who should be
invited to occupy the Chair. After a dispute, which wras at times rather highly
spiced with personalities, the choice ultimately rested upon Mu. Twistem
Strangles, otherwise known to the Police as the Knock-knee’d Knockemdowner,
who is one of the most accomplished garotters now in town. In his opening speech
the Chairman called attention to the fact that there was now existing, as bethought,
a most objectionable wish upon the part of the respectable classes in the country
{groans) to deprive himself and pals of many of their privileges, and among them
their invaluable certificates of leave. {Hear !) He for one protested warmly against
such interference with his liberties and rights as a freeborn British subject; and he
would call on any gentleman who had anything to say upon this important subject,
to speak up like a man, for no police were present. {Hear /)
Mu. William Sykes observed that, as a burglar of long descent, he thoroughly
concurred in what the Chairman had revealed, as to the great value to himself and
other members of the housebreaking community, of those certificates of character
which were called Tickets-of-leave. He, Mu. Sykes, was himself a living instance
of their excellence and worth. {Hear !) But for them he would that evening have
been buried in seclusion in a chamber, at his friend’s the Governor of Cold Bath
Pields, instead of comfortably sitting at his usual house of call, and enjoying the
society of old and valued chums. {Hear, hear! and cries of Here ’s your ’elth, old
bricJc /) Por a trifling indiscretion committed in hot youth, when, after an attempt
to crack a country crib, he had knocked down a policeman and stamped upon his
stomach, he (Mu. Sykes) was sentenced to imprisonment for life; but by coming
1 he religious dodge, and gammoning the chaplain, he had obtained his freedom after
ihree years spent in gaol, and had resumed his old vocation with encouraging
success. {Cheers.)
Mr. Grab concurred in thinking that the Ticket-of-leave system was most
eminently serviceable to gentlemen of his profession, and ought by all means in their
power to be fostered and encouraged. He would suggest that Loud Palmerston
or some other noble swell should, if possible, be got at, and be asked to pass an act
for the protection of garotters, and for facilitating the acquirement of certificates of
leave. He thought that if a cove attended chapel regular, the first month he was
quodded, and always woke up in time to join in the Amens, such virtue should alone
entitle him to have a ticket, and his piety should be rewarded with, to say the least,
a gilt-edged prayer-book, which, if he chose to spout it, would be worth a pot of
beer to him, if it did him no more good. {Hear, Hear !)
Mu. Centuebit remarked, in a casual sort of way, that he had cracked as many
cribs as any gentleman he knew, and for his expertness in pursuing his vocation he
was indebted mainly to the Ticket-of-leave system, but for which he would be still
a resident in quod. {Hear.)
Mu. Judas Smoucu obsherved that he had long enjoyed the happinesh to deal
with Mu. Centuebit and other shentlemen who wanted to disposke of slitolen
goods : and he felt pershuaded that his intereshts would shuffer if the Ticket-of-
leave shystem were to be abolished.
Mu. Smasher said that as for England being a free country, he indignantly
denied the fact. Coves bragged about the liberty enjoyed by British subjects, but
at every street corner you were safe to see a crusher ready any moment to cart you
off to quod. {Shame !) He, Mu. Smasher, had no wish to complain; but a cove,
you know, must live {a voice, “ Except as he gets scragged”), and he really thought
that parties who called theirselves respectable, had no right to take such pains for
the protection of their property {hear, hear !), and so deprive him and his pals of a
comfortable livelihood. {Cheers.) If it wasn’t that by means of a certificate of leave,
a cove could now get out of quod almost as soon as he got into it, England really
would become a country not worth living in; for what with patent safety locks, and
crushers, and detectives, people took such blessed care of their own property, that
they scarcely gave a cove a chance of getting hold of it. {Cheers and cries of shame /)
Mu. Swag concurred most fully with the words of the last speaker, and he might
perhaps have added a few words of his own, but he and Mu. Centuebit had a job
on hand that evening, and so their time was precious. He would therefore briefly
move the following Resolution, which his old pal Sam the Scollard had helped him
to draw up:—
“ That, in the opinion of this honourable meeting, the Ticket-of-leave system
works most admirably well, and is essential to the interests
of thieves of all descriptions; and this meeting considers
the attempt which is on foot to deprive them or their pri-
vilege is a flagrant violation of the rights of free-born
Britons, and as such ought to be opposed by every proper-
minded person.”
The resolution, being Seconded by Mu. Eilcheu Prig,
was then put formally to the meeting, and unanimously
carried ; and the Chairman was proceeding to elect a depu-
tation lor waiting upon Parliament with a petition in the
matter, when it was suddenly announced that the Police
were approaching, whereupon the meeting separated in
some slight confusion.
JOHN BULL TO GARIBALDI.
My dear Garibaldi, what shall I do.
Beyond what I’ve done, to satisfy you ?
Por many a year have I stretched my hands
To shake them with men of all other lands.
My Brothers, I’ve said, arise and be free,
Observe what I do, and imitate me.
Lay tyranny prostrate, and priestcraft low.
But bide ye your time ere you strike the blow.
Oh, kick all your despots off and afar
That drag you to die for their fame in war ;
Renounce the vain glory that makes you slaves,
And tools that subserve Imperial knaves.
1 ’ve called upon Prance, and holloaed to Spain,
To Germany cried again and again,
I call to the Yankees every day;
They turn a deaf ear to all that I say.
1 ’m evermore crying, Now, then, my mates,
Do, pray, leave off coating vessels with plates,
Prom forging new cannon let us all cease,
And carry on business, trading in peace.
Perocious abuse and truculent threat
Is all the return I ever had yet.
Except from one Hero, true man alone,
Whose favour, received, these lines are to own.
CONVERSION OP THE FRENCH.
Hebrew Guardian,
gay young fellow’s
M. Fould. has
accounts almost
money. We are
Young Prance’s
actually pulled the
straight, and is teaching him to save ,,v,
delighted with the balance-sheet iust issued, and expect to
see edifying results. In private life most of us have had
the pleasure of beholding such reforms. Some prudent
friend takes hold of young Charley Rattleton, and con-
verts him to economy, and how we smile. Charley, who
never had any money in his pocket, except just enough to
muddle away in paying cabmen too much, buying cigars
when he should have stuck to Cavendish, and travelling
first-class when his betters were going second, suddenly
becomes prudent—looks at the change that is given him,
wears his second best hat on a wet day, and actually walks
instead of taking a Hansom. He gives you mysterious
hints about his stock-broker, pretends to read the share-
list, and in general conversation tries it on with Bank-
parlour slang, which, as no two people mean the same by
any financial definition, answers very well, and awes the
women. We hope to see young Prance come out in
similarly respectable fashion, and instead of talking swagger
about shootmg in Mexico, volunteering in Italy, and other
expensive diversions, begin to be grave, and speak of Postal
Savings’ Banks, Water-company Shares, Street Drainage,
and such like desiderata in Paris. Talk of Converting the
Jews, what shall be done unto a Jew who has converted a
Christian nation—and a lot of its debt ?
Books for the Sick.
(A joke attempted by “ a bad sailor ” coming over to Folkestone.)
We see a long announcement of Books under this title.
We had, for an obvious reason, thought that all Educational
works deserved the name. Por what is education except-
Steward! Steward!
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
159
MEETING OF TICKET-0F-LEAVE MEN.
N indignation meet-
ingofpickpockets,
swell - mobsmen,
burglars, and ga-
rotters, was held
the other evening,
. at the Cracks-
man's Arms, to
protest against the
threatened aboli-
tion of the Ticket-
; of - leave system,
and generally to
consider the steps
which should be
taken to protect
the vested inte-
rests of the thieves
throughout the
kingdom. Pipes
having been lighted, and a plentiful supply of beer and spirits being ordered, the
business of the meeting was commenced by a discussion as to who should be
invited to occupy the Chair. After a dispute, which wras at times rather highly
spiced with personalities, the choice ultimately rested upon Mu. Twistem
Strangles, otherwise known to the Police as the Knock-knee’d Knockemdowner,
who is one of the most accomplished garotters now in town. In his opening speech
the Chairman called attention to the fact that there was now existing, as bethought,
a most objectionable wish upon the part of the respectable classes in the country
{groans) to deprive himself and pals of many of their privileges, and among them
their invaluable certificates of leave. {Hear !) He for one protested warmly against
such interference with his liberties and rights as a freeborn British subject; and he
would call on any gentleman who had anything to say upon this important subject,
to speak up like a man, for no police were present. {Hear /)
Mu. William Sykes observed that, as a burglar of long descent, he thoroughly
concurred in what the Chairman had revealed, as to the great value to himself and
other members of the housebreaking community, of those certificates of character
which were called Tickets-of-leave. He, Mu. Sykes, was himself a living instance
of their excellence and worth. {Hear !) But for them he would that evening have
been buried in seclusion in a chamber, at his friend’s the Governor of Cold Bath
Pields, instead of comfortably sitting at his usual house of call, and enjoying the
society of old and valued chums. {Hear, hear! and cries of Here ’s your ’elth, old
bricJc /) Por a trifling indiscretion committed in hot youth, when, after an attempt
to crack a country crib, he had knocked down a policeman and stamped upon his
stomach, he (Mu. Sykes) was sentenced to imprisonment for life; but by coming
1 he religious dodge, and gammoning the chaplain, he had obtained his freedom after
ihree years spent in gaol, and had resumed his old vocation with encouraging
success. {Cheers.)
Mr. Grab concurred in thinking that the Ticket-of-leave system was most
eminently serviceable to gentlemen of his profession, and ought by all means in their
power to be fostered and encouraged. He would suggest that Loud Palmerston
or some other noble swell should, if possible, be got at, and be asked to pass an act
for the protection of garotters, and for facilitating the acquirement of certificates of
leave. He thought that if a cove attended chapel regular, the first month he was
quodded, and always woke up in time to join in the Amens, such virtue should alone
entitle him to have a ticket, and his piety should be rewarded with, to say the least,
a gilt-edged prayer-book, which, if he chose to spout it, would be worth a pot of
beer to him, if it did him no more good. {Hear, Hear !)
Mu. Centuebit remarked, in a casual sort of way, that he had cracked as many
cribs as any gentleman he knew, and for his expertness in pursuing his vocation he
was indebted mainly to the Ticket-of-leave system, but for which he would be still
a resident in quod. {Hear.)
Mu. Judas Smoucu obsherved that he had long enjoyed the happinesh to deal
with Mu. Centuebit and other shentlemen who wanted to disposke of slitolen
goods : and he felt pershuaded that his intereshts would shuffer if the Ticket-of-
leave shystem were to be abolished.
Mu. Smasher said that as for England being a free country, he indignantly
denied the fact. Coves bragged about the liberty enjoyed by British subjects, but
at every street corner you were safe to see a crusher ready any moment to cart you
off to quod. {Shame !) He, Mu. Smasher, had no wish to complain; but a cove,
you know, must live {a voice, “ Except as he gets scragged”), and he really thought
that parties who called theirselves respectable, had no right to take such pains for
the protection of their property {hear, hear !), and so deprive him and his pals of a
comfortable livelihood. {Cheers.) If it wasn’t that by means of a certificate of leave,
a cove could now get out of quod almost as soon as he got into it, England really
would become a country not worth living in; for what with patent safety locks, and
crushers, and detectives, people took such blessed care of their own property, that
they scarcely gave a cove a chance of getting hold of it. {Cheers and cries of shame /)
Mu. Swag concurred most fully with the words of the last speaker, and he might
perhaps have added a few words of his own, but he and Mu. Centuebit had a job
on hand that evening, and so their time was precious. He would therefore briefly
move the following Resolution, which his old pal Sam the Scollard had helped him
to draw up:—
“ That, in the opinion of this honourable meeting, the Ticket-of-leave system
works most admirably well, and is essential to the interests
of thieves of all descriptions; and this meeting considers
the attempt which is on foot to deprive them or their pri-
vilege is a flagrant violation of the rights of free-born
Britons, and as such ought to be opposed by every proper-
minded person.”
The resolution, being Seconded by Mu. Eilcheu Prig,
was then put formally to the meeting, and unanimously
carried ; and the Chairman was proceeding to elect a depu-
tation lor waiting upon Parliament with a petition in the
matter, when it was suddenly announced that the Police
were approaching, whereupon the meeting separated in
some slight confusion.
JOHN BULL TO GARIBALDI.
My dear Garibaldi, what shall I do.
Beyond what I’ve done, to satisfy you ?
Por many a year have I stretched my hands
To shake them with men of all other lands.
My Brothers, I’ve said, arise and be free,
Observe what I do, and imitate me.
Lay tyranny prostrate, and priestcraft low.
But bide ye your time ere you strike the blow.
Oh, kick all your despots off and afar
That drag you to die for their fame in war ;
Renounce the vain glory that makes you slaves,
And tools that subserve Imperial knaves.
1 ’ve called upon Prance, and holloaed to Spain,
To Germany cried again and again,
I call to the Yankees every day;
They turn a deaf ear to all that I say.
1 ’m evermore crying, Now, then, my mates,
Do, pray, leave off coating vessels with plates,
Prom forging new cannon let us all cease,
And carry on business, trading in peace.
Perocious abuse and truculent threat
Is all the return I ever had yet.
Except from one Hero, true man alone,
Whose favour, received, these lines are to own.
CONVERSION OP THE FRENCH.
Hebrew Guardian,
gay young fellow’s
M. Fould. has
accounts almost
money. We are
Young Prance’s
actually pulled the
straight, and is teaching him to save ,,v,
delighted with the balance-sheet iust issued, and expect to
see edifying results. In private life most of us have had
the pleasure of beholding such reforms. Some prudent
friend takes hold of young Charley Rattleton, and con-
verts him to economy, and how we smile. Charley, who
never had any money in his pocket, except just enough to
muddle away in paying cabmen too much, buying cigars
when he should have stuck to Cavendish, and travelling
first-class when his betters were going second, suddenly
becomes prudent—looks at the change that is given him,
wears his second best hat on a wet day, and actually walks
instead of taking a Hansom. He gives you mysterious
hints about his stock-broker, pretends to read the share-
list, and in general conversation tries it on with Bank-
parlour slang, which, as no two people mean the same by
any financial definition, answers very well, and awes the
women. We hope to see young Prance come out in
similarly respectable fashion, and instead of talking swagger
about shootmg in Mexico, volunteering in Italy, and other
expensive diversions, begin to be grave, and speak of Postal
Savings’ Banks, Water-company Shares, Street Drainage,
and such like desiderata in Paris. Talk of Converting the
Jews, what shall be done unto a Jew who has converted a
Christian nation—and a lot of its debt ?
Books for the Sick.
(A joke attempted by “ a bad sailor ” coming over to Folkestone.)
We see a long announcement of Books under this title.
We had, for an obvious reason, thought that all Educational
works deserved the name. Por what is education except-
Steward! Steward!