Punch (43.1862)

October 18, 1862.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

165

Guildhall, 1S62, Oct. Is/, S'30 r.M.
The place is as hot
As a chimney-pot,

Ancl somebody there is uttering, uttering—
What does he say ?

(We can’t get awayl
Verily that discourse wants buttering.

“ No less than twenty thousand pounds,
Por excellent reasons, on glorious grounds,
We have lent or spent or given or lost.

To men of the stamp of old Zerdost,

Who waste their lives and eke their livers,
To find out why the lightning quivers,

And how the heat comes out of the sun,
And whither the tremulous meteors run.
And whence the wind its anger draws,

To find, in short, some physical cause
That superintends all physical laws.

“ Where thy cleaner waters glide,

0 Thames, above the London tide.

Stands the Association’s pride;

A Dome of Science, fair to view.

Among the flowery walks of Kew.”

(Here the President sought to drink.
Somebody helped him in less than a wink.)

“ At Kew the Photo-Heliograph—”

(Great applause; too much by half;

And a man behind me dared to laugh.)

“ The Photo-Heliograph at Kew,

As everybody knows, is due
To Mr. Warren De La Rue,

He took ir out, to Spain,

In a fleet of ships,

To observe the eclipse,

And brought it back again.

Here are (Barometers,

A VOICE FROM CAMBRIDGE

Here are Thermometers,

Here are Hygrometers,

Carefully tested.

With all that is extant
In Quadrant or Sextant,

With all Anemometers,

All Dynamometers,

All Goniometers,

Kew is infested.

“ Wide researches have been made,

Some on shore, and some in ocean;

The cost of instruments is paid
Out of the funds of the Brishashoshan.

“ A vessel, specially fitted out
Por the purpose, did survey
Tiie British coast all roundabout,

And the colonies far away.

Very magnetically
Hydrotheoretically;

Don’t forget what I say.

“ A word or two about the progress
Of Science, sweet celestial ogress.

“ Monsieur Delaunay, the man of the moon,
Has made up his book, and will print it
soon.

“ The name of the great sky-scraper, Glaisher,
That name already is known
Tnrough Europe, America, Africa, Asia;

And not on this globe alone,

But e’en in the starry heights of heaven ;

Por he journeyed upward, six or seven
English miles,

Above the house-tiles,

In mortal flesh and bone.

“ Chemistry thrives
A man who dives
Into its darkest deepest nooks
Says he has blended,
Heaven-belriended,

Carbon with hydrogen.” (Oh, Gadzooks!)
“ And hence other compounds, more composite
still.

Have answered the call of alchemical skill;
And he bids fair soon to produce such mixtures
As only are found in organical fixtures.”

(The President, uniformly dry.

Here grew thirsty and so did I.)

“ Why need we tell you how Mr. Scott Rus-
sell

Has been exerting his mental muscle,

In finding relations of force and form.

Between a model ship in a storm
Aud waves as high as huge Cairn Gorm ?

“ Artillerymen at Shoeburyness
Have made away with—I should guess—

Pive hundred thousand, more or less.
Projectiles. Mr. Pairuairn knows;

But cannot very well disclose.

“ The Internaticnal Exhibition
Shows the good of competition
In things of mechanical power;

There’s many a locomotive engine.

Would run from London to Stonehenge in
Less than a solar hour.”

And still the place
Grows hotter apace:—

A flue—and a chimney-sweep—
Voluptuous feeling—

The brain is reeling—

And I’m—a—going to sieep.

THE MISSING LINK.

oubt not which is the pre-
ferable side in the Gorilla
controversy. It is clearly
that of the philosophers who
maintain themselves to be
the descendants of a Gorilla.
This is the posilion which
commends itself to right-
minded men, because it
tends to expand the sphere
of their affections, inasmuch
as it gives them a broader
view of their species. Hither-
to, however, there has been
one argument against the
Gorilla theory very difficult
to get over, namely, that
there is no knovm fact what-
ever which affords it the
least foundation. This is a
deficiency which we trust
we are about to supply.

A gulf, certainly, does ap-
pear to yawn between the
Gorilla and the Negro. The woods and wilds of Africa do not exhibit an
example of any intermediate animal. But in this, as in many other
cases, philosophers go vainly searching abroad for that which they would
readily find if they sought for it at home. A creature manifestly between
the Gorilla and the Negro is to be met with in some of the lowest dis-
tricts of London and Liverpool by adventurous explorers. It comes
from Ireland, whence it has contrived to migrate; it belongs in fact
to a tribe of Irish savages: the lowest species of thei Irish Yahoo.
When conversing with its kind it talks a sort of gibberish. It is,
moreover, a climbing animal, and may sometimes be seen ascending a
ladder laden with a hod of bricks.

The Irish Yahoo generally confines itself within tire limits of its own
colony, except when it goes out of them to get its living. Sometimes,
however, it sallies forth in states of excitement, and attacks civilised
human beings that have provoked its fury. Large numbers of these

Yahoos have been lately collecting themselves in Hyde Park on a Sunday,
and molesting the people there assembled to express sympathy with
Garibaldi and the cause of United Italy. The Yahoos are actuated
by an abject and truculent devotion to the Pope, which urges them to
fly at all manner of persons who object to grovel under the Papal
tyranny, and all others who assist or even applaud them in the attempt
to throw it off. Nevertheless they will howl for their own liberty to
do what they please like so many Calibans. They were organised by
the Pontifical Government to fight the Italians, at Castelfidardo, where
they failed, perhaps from want of sufficient dexterity to handle a rifle.
Here they assail the friends of the Italian monarchy with the weapons
which come more natural to them; clubs and stones. In this sort of
warfare they are more successful than they were on the field of battle;
and their numbers, strength, and ferocity have struck such terror into
the minds of the authorities, that the latter have judged it expedient to
yield to them. They have accordingly succeeded in the attempt to
stifle the expression of public sentiment by intimidation. It is not
wonderful that creatures so like the Gorilla should frighten anybody;
let alone the Lord Mayor.

The somewhat superior ability of the Irish Yahoo to utter articulate
sounds, may suffice to prove that it is a developement, and not, as some
imagine, a degeneration of the Gorilla.

It is hoped that the discovery, in the Ipish Yahoo, of the Missing
Link between Man and the Gorilla, will gratify the benevolent reader,
by suggesting the necessity of an enlarged definition of our fellow-
creatures, conceived in a truly liberal and catholic spirit.

Too Bad, Really!

Look: alive, Yankee ! work is not so slack

That you with fancied wrongs should hold communion,

Think of a fellow with a good broad back.

Whining because he’s turned out of the Union!

REFINEMENT OF THE COARSER CLASSES.

We are authorised to state that all Candidates for the position ot
cabman, omnibus conductor, and railway official, ought to be required
to pass an examination in language and manners, satisfactorily testing’
their qualifications for employment in the Civil Service.

Vol. 43.

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