DOI issue:
December 6, 1862
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16870#0237
AN INGENIOUS DEVICE.
Tomkins (to Mrs. T., who is nervous about Robbers). “ There, my dear, we 'll stick that up in the Garden while I 'm in the City, and I think
you may make yourself easy abend Robbers for the future.”
BALLAD OB KING ALFRED AND THE GRECIAN CAKES.
Heaven prosper our right noble Qtjeen,
Her sons and daughters all;,
A fairer household never met
In Windsor’s ancient Hall.
The Grecians of the modern type
Did kick King Otho out,
Because they saw the time was ripe
Bor making of a rout.
To Queen Victoria then they came,
“ O Queen of much renown,
We hope you will not think lit shame
Your son should wear our crown.”
“I do not think it shame,” quoth She,
“But for he lacks not pelf
Nor name nor place of high degree,
You’d better ask himself.”
The sailor-prince they did invite
To take the tempting prize;
He did not hitch his trousers white.
Nor bless his princely eyes.
Nor of lee scuppers aught he said.
Like Mr. T. P. Cooke,
But bending courteously his head,
Replied like any book :
“ I thauk you for your proffered wage.
And for your words polite.
But I have lately read a page
By my good friend Charles Knight.
“ There was an English Alered once
Who seldom made mistakes.
Yet got the character of dunce
Por spoiling certain cakes.
" I know not if the tale be true,
But it is seen in print;
And Alfred who addresses you
Intends to take the hint.
“ Some cakes are made of Turkish flour.
With currants from the Isles :
To cook such things exceeds my power,
My Hellenistic files.”
He smiled upon the crafty Greeks,
Who left, remarking free;
“ Though there's scant down upon his cheeks,
A downy Prince is he.”
Heaven prosper our right noble Queen,
Her sons and daughters all.
The chance of Selling them, I ween,
Is most uncommon small.
THE GAROTTE SENTENCES.
Mr. Punch has not yet been informed that the counsel for the very
fewGarotters upon whom Mr. Justice Bramwell passed a sufficiently
severe sentence have had interviews with Sir George Grey, in favour
of their clients, and of course it logically follows that Mr. Funch is not
aware that the Home Secretary has commuted the sentences. He may
think that Mr. Justice Bramwell has been sufficiently lenient, and the
public, for once, will concur with Sir George Grey. But perhaps
Mr. Justice Bramwell, who is an acute gentleman and good at
irony, drew his charming picture of the gaol life, the warm room,
the comfort, and the light work, by way of promoting a change in
our present system of prison discipline. If so, Mr. Funch is inclined
to accept this service to society, and to abstain from observing that
most of the scoundrels sentenced last week got off in a way which
must please their friends aud imitators, as was proved by the number of
garotte assaults which took place on the night after the sentences.
A Charge of Huggery.
One of the thieves’ terms for Garotting is “ putting, the hug on.”
They would have been nearer the truth, if they had said “ Thug” in
this instance, considering the love of violence and murder that seem to
be inherently connected with the pursuit.
Tomkins (to Mrs. T., who is nervous about Robbers). “ There, my dear, we 'll stick that up in the Garden while I 'm in the City, and I think
you may make yourself easy abend Robbers for the future.”
BALLAD OB KING ALFRED AND THE GRECIAN CAKES.
Heaven prosper our right noble Qtjeen,
Her sons and daughters all;,
A fairer household never met
In Windsor’s ancient Hall.
The Grecians of the modern type
Did kick King Otho out,
Because they saw the time was ripe
Bor making of a rout.
To Queen Victoria then they came,
“ O Queen of much renown,
We hope you will not think lit shame
Your son should wear our crown.”
“I do not think it shame,” quoth She,
“But for he lacks not pelf
Nor name nor place of high degree,
You’d better ask himself.”
The sailor-prince they did invite
To take the tempting prize;
He did not hitch his trousers white.
Nor bless his princely eyes.
Nor of lee scuppers aught he said.
Like Mr. T. P. Cooke,
But bending courteously his head,
Replied like any book :
“ I thauk you for your proffered wage.
And for your words polite.
But I have lately read a page
By my good friend Charles Knight.
“ There was an English Alered once
Who seldom made mistakes.
Yet got the character of dunce
Por spoiling certain cakes.
" I know not if the tale be true,
But it is seen in print;
And Alfred who addresses you
Intends to take the hint.
“ Some cakes are made of Turkish flour.
With currants from the Isles :
To cook such things exceeds my power,
My Hellenistic files.”
He smiled upon the crafty Greeks,
Who left, remarking free;
“ Though there's scant down upon his cheeks,
A downy Prince is he.”
Heaven prosper our right noble Queen,
Her sons and daughters all.
The chance of Selling them, I ween,
Is most uncommon small.
THE GAROTTE SENTENCES.
Mr. Punch has not yet been informed that the counsel for the very
fewGarotters upon whom Mr. Justice Bramwell passed a sufficiently
severe sentence have had interviews with Sir George Grey, in favour
of their clients, and of course it logically follows that Mr. Funch is not
aware that the Home Secretary has commuted the sentences. He may
think that Mr. Justice Bramwell has been sufficiently lenient, and the
public, for once, will concur with Sir George Grey. But perhaps
Mr. Justice Bramwell, who is an acute gentleman and good at
irony, drew his charming picture of the gaol life, the warm room,
the comfort, and the light work, by way of promoting a change in
our present system of prison discipline. If so, Mr. Funch is inclined
to accept this service to society, and to abstain from observing that
most of the scoundrels sentenced last week got off in a way which
must please their friends aud imitators, as was proved by the number of
garotte assaults which took place on the night after the sentences.
A Charge of Huggery.
One of the thieves’ terms for Garotting is “ putting, the hug on.”
They would have been nearer the truth, if they had said “ Thug” in
this instance, considering the love of violence and murder that seem to
be inherently connected with the pursuit.