DOI issue:
June 9, 1866
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16877#0256
248
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[June 9, 1866.
IRISH INGENUITY.
Saxon Tourist. “What on Earth are you Lowering the Shafts for?” (He has just found out that this manoeuvre is gone through
at every ascent.)
Car-Driver. “ Shure, yer ’onner, we ’ll make ’m B’lave he’s Goin’ Down Hill ! ”
THE NINTH OF JUNE.
BY OUR OWN NEWSBOY.
Come, out with your purses, you ’re now to be dunned
In aid of the excellent Newspaper Fund;
Its Festival dinner takes place very soon,
In fact, it is fixed for the Ninth day of June.
The ninth day of June, and I hope you’ll be there,
With Dover’s Lord Warden to speak from the chair.
And a much better chairman I say cannot be
Than Her Majesty’s Minister, Gbanville, K G.
The Fund should be dear to each friend of the Press :
It aids every member who comes to distress,
Or if widows and children assistance should lack.
No friend is so staunch as the Fund at their back.
Come, all who are eager to see by their plate
The paper I bring them each morning at eight.
Come, all whose high pleasure it is to peruse
The wondrous collection that’s known as The News.
I hope, if you act by the Fund as you should,
The news in your papers will always be good :
Your stocks have gone up, or your horse made a pot;
Or your fifty-first cousin have left you a lot.
Then come to the dinner, fine speeches you ’ll hear,
And plenty of music for charming your ear;
And for no better object can persons be dunned
Than in aid of the excellent Newspaper Fund.
Dead Letters (at least Mr. Punch sincerely hopes that they will
soon become so).—P. R.
MATHEMATICAL.
Ous Mathematical Correspondent has sent us the following formulae,
which may prove useful to those entering into Society:—
To find the shortest way to a female heart under any given circum-
stances.
Case.
If she is married, but not a mother—Praise her Husband.
If she is married, and also a mother—Praise her Children.
2nd Case.
If she is unmarried, and engaged—Praise her Lover.
If she is unmarried, and disengaged—Praise Herself.
“ESTO PERPETUA.”
The Powers who want to fight have undertaken not to do so until
the Congress shall be closed.
Mr. Lowe, who represents the borough in which the Devil came to
grief by the pincers of St. Dunstan, may know whether the story we
are going to mention is true. The Enemy once gave a man leave to
read a wonderful book while an inch of diabolic candle should burn
on. As soon as that had burned out, the book was to vanish and the
man to die. The wise man blew out the candle, and kept the book, for
which Satan is thought to be still waiting.
Let us imitate the sage, and make the Congress sit for ever. In the
interests of the world, we can even spare Lord Clarendon.
Most Musical.
A Scotchman being asked to say what he thought “real music,”
answered, “Heal music! hoot, mon, ’gin ye wad hear reel music, listen
to the bag-pipes ! ” _
Ring-Doves.—Mace and Goss.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[June 9, 1866.
IRISH INGENUITY.
Saxon Tourist. “What on Earth are you Lowering the Shafts for?” (He has just found out that this manoeuvre is gone through
at every ascent.)
Car-Driver. “ Shure, yer ’onner, we ’ll make ’m B’lave he’s Goin’ Down Hill ! ”
THE NINTH OF JUNE.
BY OUR OWN NEWSBOY.
Come, out with your purses, you ’re now to be dunned
In aid of the excellent Newspaper Fund;
Its Festival dinner takes place very soon,
In fact, it is fixed for the Ninth day of June.
The ninth day of June, and I hope you’ll be there,
With Dover’s Lord Warden to speak from the chair.
And a much better chairman I say cannot be
Than Her Majesty’s Minister, Gbanville, K G.
The Fund should be dear to each friend of the Press :
It aids every member who comes to distress,
Or if widows and children assistance should lack.
No friend is so staunch as the Fund at their back.
Come, all who are eager to see by their plate
The paper I bring them each morning at eight.
Come, all whose high pleasure it is to peruse
The wondrous collection that’s known as The News.
I hope, if you act by the Fund as you should,
The news in your papers will always be good :
Your stocks have gone up, or your horse made a pot;
Or your fifty-first cousin have left you a lot.
Then come to the dinner, fine speeches you ’ll hear,
And plenty of music for charming your ear;
And for no better object can persons be dunned
Than in aid of the excellent Newspaper Fund.
Dead Letters (at least Mr. Punch sincerely hopes that they will
soon become so).—P. R.
MATHEMATICAL.
Ous Mathematical Correspondent has sent us the following formulae,
which may prove useful to those entering into Society:—
To find the shortest way to a female heart under any given circum-
stances.
Case.
If she is married, but not a mother—Praise her Husband.
If she is married, and also a mother—Praise her Children.
2nd Case.
If she is unmarried, and engaged—Praise her Lover.
If she is unmarried, and disengaged—Praise Herself.
“ESTO PERPETUA.”
The Powers who want to fight have undertaken not to do so until
the Congress shall be closed.
Mr. Lowe, who represents the borough in which the Devil came to
grief by the pincers of St. Dunstan, may know whether the story we
are going to mention is true. The Enemy once gave a man leave to
read a wonderful book while an inch of diabolic candle should burn
on. As soon as that had burned out, the book was to vanish and the
man to die. The wise man blew out the candle, and kept the book, for
which Satan is thought to be still waiting.
Let us imitate the sage, and make the Congress sit for ever. In the
interests of the world, we can even spare Lord Clarendon.
Most Musical.
A Scotchman being asked to say what he thought “real music,”
answered, “Heal music! hoot, mon, ’gin ye wad hear reel music, listen
to the bag-pipes ! ” _
Ring-Doves.—Mace and Goss.