Punch (62.1872)

January 20, 1872.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

23

COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON.

Fund Parent. "I hope you will be very Careful, Mr. Stimpson. I have

always been accustomed to cut their HaIR myself."

Mr. Stimpson. "So I should have Thought, Madam !"

CASE OF REAL DISTRESS.

HOME-RULE.

Has Repeal, that in 'Forty was folly,
Grown sense in Eighteen-seventy-two ?

Will the walls that defied Big Dan's volley,
Be hy Butt's brass two-pound ?r split through ?

Has Paddy, that still has craved ruling

And rulers, in wrong as in right,
Of a sudden out-grown schools and schooling,

And shot to Self-Government's height ?

And was It hut bottomless boasting,
With a point from Hibernian wit,—

That there ne'er yet was Irishman roasting,
But an Irishman's hand turned the spit ?

Is it John that across the Atlantic
Stamps Pat Order's foe ever known ;

And declares him a nuisance gigantic,
Till Yankee Home-Pule ousts his own ?

Must hist'ry, as writ all untruly,

Like Hebrew, he read in reverse,
That, since Strong-Bow, shows Ireland unruly,

With lawlessness cursed as chief curse ?

When the best of the race for home-ruling
Are those that Home-Rule most distrust;

As convinced that to trust Irish " tooling,"
Will bring Erin's car in the dust. •

Home-Rule ! 'Tis a compound sonorous,

Fine phrase on a green flag to fly ;
But take stock of the stuff that's before us—

And who shall the Home-Rule supply P

Is't your own Irish Lords, Irish Commons,
Who adorned College Green long ago ''.

But to London would rather hear summons,
Than in Lublin be tied by the toe :

For the Greenest of all, the best brother

Of Pat in John Bull can discern ;
And to cool English air from the smother

Of your factions, is thankful to turn.

Is't the Lawyers, who look for preferment,
Praise, pence, and distinction, o'er sea ;

And when they have ris'n by your ferment,
Will be glad your close corking to see ?

Is't your National Papers—press-razors,

Produced not to shave, but to sell—
Whose scribes might seem genuine blazers,
Lid not conjurors spit hre as well ?

Is't your Priests, with the gag and the blinders,

We do not covet the post of Prime Minister, nor yet that of Lord Chancellor,
especially if, when Parliament re-assembles, a recent judicial appointment
should be sharply discussed. We can think of the choice of a new Speaker
without discontent with our own lowly lot, and at the present time envy of
the Lord Chief Justice of the Common Pleas is not the predominant feeling in

our breasts. But of all places, posts, offices, appointments, and dignities Which Church would fain use to tame Law

within the reach of an Englishman, the one which excites in us the least desire Their pincers, for law-reason's grinders,
is that of " Examiner of Plays." Their scissors, for lay-reason's claw ?

Who, with a heart, can resist feelings of the deepest commiseration, the I , ^ . - , , . - ,.

most profound pity for the sufferings of another, when he hears that in twelve Is * J'°ur Peasants, m feuds and m factions
short yearsit has been the unhappy lot of the present Examiner to read one T^ Jv1,^ ™5 „'^f°^aJ^°l^°^ ^.
thousand eight hundred dramatic pieces—one thousand eight hundred trage- '
dies, comedies, melodramas, farces, pantomimes, burlesques, and extravaganzas't
There are labours which no salary can remunerate, services which no fees can
requite.

A DISTINGUISHED " FRIEND."

In their lodges, at murder's black pactions,
Or from a dyke-back taking aim ?

In short, gauging all ranks and classes—

Those who are, or will be, by the ears—
The units, as well as the masses,

Lawyers, traders, priests, press, peasants, peers—

" In consideration of a co?tly present which Mr. Joseph Pease, of South-end, Dar-
lington, has made to the Spanish nation, the young King of that country has conferred
upon him the Grand Cross of a Spanish order, and Mr. Pease, who is a Quaker, has

agreed to accept the distinction."—Echo. But where are the means of " Home ^llule

A Quaker a Grand Cross! We should as soon have expected to be intro-
duced to a Quaker Field Marshal. Henceforth the sensation of surprise must be
numbered amongst the lost feelings. Nothing now can move us more. Not
the sytfi rising in the west, not the spectacle of an Irish Roman Catholic Bishop
teaching in a Protestant Sunday school, not a Teetotal Lord Mayor, not the
appointment of Mr. Tomline as Master of the Mint, or Sir Charles Dilke
as Lord-Lieutenant of Middlesex, not the total abolition of the Income Tax, not
the _ conversion of Mr. Whalley and Mr. Newdegate to Popery, not the
purification of the streets,—no, not even the bestowal of the Grand Cross of
our own Order of the Bath on some Englishman eminent in Art, Literature, or
Science!

All ages, from seventy to twenty,

All shades, from deep knave to born fool—
find means of " Home Mis-rule " in plenty,

A Corning Retirement

The Speaker's Commentary is already favourably
known. We anticipate a very favourable commentary
on the Speaker, when Parliament re-assembles.

"Donne's Satires."—Pantomimes without politica
jokes.