Punch (62.1872)

Maboh 30, 1872.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

129

DUTY AND PLEASURE.

Rural Butler {deferentially). " And what do you Think of our Country
Quality down here, Sir?"

Tovni Gentleman (" in waiting " to Lord Marybone, who was visiting the Squire).
"Well, 'f course, you see, Smithaes, I don't mind Waitin' on 'em,—
but—'can't Say I should care to Sit Down with 'em." ! ! !

QUESTIONS IN PARLIAMENT.

The practice of asking private Members questions connected with the position
they hold outside the House of Commons seeming to be well established, notice
has been given that the following interrogations will be addressed to Members
when the House re-assembles after the Easter recess :—

Alderman Sir J. C. Lawrence will be asked as to the probable saving which
might be effected, if the Corporation of London were to substitute at all their
banquets (except that given on the ninth of November) mock turtle for real.

Lord Elcho will be asked, what is the average cost of the uniform of the
London Scottish, and whether any complaints have been made by recruits of the
inconvenience they suffer in severe weather through the insufficient protection
of their nether limbs.

Colonel Hogg will be asked, whether there is any truth in the report that
the Metropolitan Board of Works intend to give a dinner to the Vestrymen, at
the Crystal Palace, on the Queen's Birthday, at the expense of the ratepayers.

Mr. Walter will be asked, what are the profits of the Times, and particularly
how much is annually derived from the Births, Marriages, and Deaths, and who
receives the proceeds.

Mr. Bass will be asked, whether there is any secret ingredient or process in
the brewing of bitter beer.

Sir T. Chambers will be asked for an estimate of the number of deceased
wives' sisters who intend to marry their deceased sisters' husbands, when the
Bill of which he had charge shall have passed the House of Lords.

Mr._ Card well will be asked, what are the rites and ceremonies observed at
the initiation of a Druid.

Mr. Chaplin, or Mr. Merry, will be asked to favour the House with some
private information as to the respective merits of the leading horses engaged
in this year's Derby.

Mr. Diskaeli, as one of the Trustees of the British Museum, will be asked,
whether it is intended to resume the practice of supplying refreshments to
visitors to that great national institution.

" Guinness's Stout" maybe relied on as containing
that beverage in a genuine, unadulterated, and whole-
some condition.

Mr. Knatchbull-Hugessen will be asked, whether
he is writing another volume of charming Fairy Tales.

Mr. Newdegate, as one of the Trustees of Rugby
School, will be asked, whether he is aware that an
under housemaid, professing the Roman Catholic faith,
has recently been engaged at one of the boarding-houses
in connection with that Foundation.

MOTHER BRITANNIA'S NEW NURSERY

SONG.

Air—" London Bridge is broken down."

Sebastopol was battered down—

Dance to the tune of £ s. d. !—
It cost a Czar his sceptre and crown,

And a half-million lives cost armies three.

Sebastopol was a threat, we were told—

Dance to the tune of £ s. d. !—
At Turkey flaunted by Bear so bold ;

And that John Bull wouldn't stand—not he!

So with Johnny Cbapaud an alliance he made—

Dance to the tune of £ s. d. !—
And—a tiur for outlay or stoppage of trade—

John, Johnny, and Bear went a-clawing, all three !

John and Johnny so touzled the Bear—

Dance to the tune of £ s. d. !—
His poor old body was one big tear,

And out of his eyes he scarce could see.

Though, thanks to Old Bruin's teeth and claws—

Dance to the tune of £ s. d. !—
We were forced to own that his hug and his jaws

Too strong and too sharp to be pleasing could be.

But all is well that well doth end—

Dance to the tune of £ s. d.!—
And John, for Bono Johnny his friend,

Sebastopol's forts blew into the sea.

And what if with them John Bull flung in—

Dance to the tune of £ s. d. ! —
A good many tons of his own hard tin,

And life that in cash ne'er reckoned can be ?

And what if we learn by the latest mail—

Dance to the tune of £ s. d. !—
That the old Bear turns what should be his tail

To John Bull's face, contemptuouslie—

And proclaims to all his intention plain,

Dance to the tune of £ s. d.!—
Of building Sebastopol up again,

With the forts John Bull blew into the sea ?

John Bull may bluster, John Bull may blush-
Dance to the tune of £ s. d.l—

But old Bruin for neither cares a rush,
For he knows John's not in the fighting key.

And Johnny Crapaud is down on his luck-
Dance to the tune of £ s. d. !—

And in want of pence, if not of pluck,
So Bruin from fear on that side's free.

So John must see his work undone

Dance to the tune of £ s. d.!—
And whistle. " 0, where is my money gone ?"

With the Russian forts flung into the sea!

And the Bear may laugh at the Lion's beard-
Dance to the tune of £ s. d.!—
And flout John Bull, whom once he feared,

Sir Arthur Guinness will be asked whether all the bottles labelled I When life and money he risked more free.