Punch (62.1872)

March 16, 1872.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

109

SATISFACTORY.

" Dining at Lady Laburnum's to-morrow ? " " Yaas."
" So am I." " So Glad !"

" So Glad tou 'be Glad ! ! " " SO Glad you 're Glad I'm Glad ! ! ! "

SONG BY A SOUTH KRNER.

(To President Grant.)

Down upon John Bull, Ulysses !

Bring the Britishers to book !
Statesmanlike of you, now, this is.

They '11 repent the line they took
When, in hostile camps divided,

We were lighting ; we and you;
And with neither part they sided,

But stood neutral 'twixt the two.

They '11 repent not having taken

Counsel tendered for their good,
And, with constancy unshaken,

'Gainst some pressure having stood.
They might have, instead of letting

Alabamas slip, of course,
In a fix by that means getting,

Taken quite another course:

Might, as then in no condition

Two to one were you to meet,
Us have granted recognition,

And have backed it with their fleet,
Of our ports to make swift clearance,

In event of war, at hand—
They '11 repent non-interference,

Which has cost them your demand.

But two hundred millions under

Put your claims, or you'll have made,
Pressing that surcharge, a blunder ;

Yes, Sir, for you '11 nought get paid.
England will to fight count cheaper

Than to pay all that for peace ;
Moderation will be deeper,

With a view John Bull to fleece.

Soul and Shoe.

An "eminent Spiritualist" writes that the means by
which tables are caused to make noises are what he
calls "Psychics." Is this a misprint for "Sly kicks" r
If so, the Eminent and Mr. Punch are agreed.

Clerks of the Works.—Watchmakers' Assistants.

enacted in the Colosseum. Advertised by the appellation of San-

ANCIENT ROMAN REVIVALS. guinary Scenes in the Circle, no doubt they would draw crowds of

. those sightseers who delight in scenes as like them as is possible in
In a letter signed Sellerlm, the Morning Post publishes an the preseI1t 8tate of civilisation. The revived scenes of slaughter
account of a trapeze performance at the Alhambra Theatre exhibited WOuld exceed the original if enriched with the superaddition of a
by two girls, respectively sixteen and twelve years old. The enter- comic element in the person of a Fool in the Ring, whose drolleries
tainment afforded by these children to an intelligent British Public should, of course, be entirely of that practical kind which alone in
essentially consists in risking their lives. The ' apparatus ' which their simplicity would be appreciable by beholders as richly endowed
they employ to afford our hmd this pleasure is nearly twice as high Wlth thought and imagination as our trapeze performance-goers,
and dangerous as that used by Leotard. ] One of their feats, j As we C0DClude these profound remarks, we observe that a poor
indeed according to Sellerim, is technically and expressively w of fourteen, has just been killed by a fall from a trapeze at the
termed a leap for life . Ihe mere perusal of its description is Alhambra Music Hall (but this is an imitation Alhambra), at Not-
enough to turn any moderately nervous person, who is in the least tingham. Certainly we do not cancel the above paragraph,
degree imaginative, delightfully giddy.

Among the series of splendid Peep-shows at the Crystal Palace
illustrative of Pompeii, is a representation of the sort of sport shown A COUPLET FOB, A KING.

by gladiators on the arena of an ancient Boman amphitheatre. Why tt m- rr a ■ *. t>__k„„ u„

should not British managers be at liberty to revive this sort of j, Majesty the King of Siam, now on a visit at Bombay, has
spectacle for the amusement of the humane and enlightened persons ! been showing himself a highly; civilised monarch there ITe was,
who rush to witness trapeze performances ? Only because we have \ according to ihe Bombay Gazette, received by the Commander-in-
no"Daciamen," or other captives or slaves, whL lives are of no i^f*}^^

consequence, so that they can be killed without being murdered in
the eye of the law. If gladiatorial combats were only legal, like
trapeze feats, they would be not at all less elevating morally and
intellectually than those other dangerous and possibly, if not neces-
sarily fatal displays. On the contrary, perhaps the Bight of savages
slaying one another would, in comparison with that of innocent
children incurring the peril of death, be considerably the more
gratifying to the benevolent spectator. Moreover, trapeze per-
formers, in case of tumbling, may possibly fall on the people below,
and even children of twelve years old falling all the way from
the gaBery to the pit would drop down upon them with a weight
quite great enough to hurt those good people's heads. No incon-
venience of this sort could be caused by falling gladiators. The

Legislature might be petitioned to give the Lord Chamuerlatn the I " Then, wrinkling with a sneer his trunk,

power of licensing such real tragedies as those which used to be I ' Friend,' quoth the elephant, ' you're drunk.'"

himself to that gallant officer in an extemporaneous couplet of
macaronic verse, saying :—

'' Ego sum, I ana,
The King of Siam."

For, indeed, nobody has stated that he did any such thing. Some-
body, however, may have been reminded of one of Gay's Fables, in
which a bookseBer invites a wiser elephant to become literary.
" Learned Sir, if you'd employ your pen
Against the senseless sons of men,
Or write the history of Siam,
No man is better pay than I am."
The animal had not the elegant manners displayed by literary
men, especiaBy when they receive such invitations from publishers.