Punch (62.1872)

June 15, 1872.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

243

SUPEREROGATION.

Country Maid (having first seen " Missus" and the Children into a Cab). " 0,
Coachman, do you Know the Principal Entrance to Drury Lane
Theat-? "

Crabbed Old Cabby (with Expression of Ineffable Contempt). " Do I Know !
Kim attp-!"

OUB BARONESS FOR OUR, BIRDS.

Next to greedy Lords of Manors,

And the Railway wretches base,
("Wait, Confusion on their banners!)

England's Commons who efface,
If hard words could their employers

Serve as shots, the hardest words
I'd let fly at the destroyers

Of our native British Birds.

Hang them ! There is scarce an Eagle,

E'en in Scotland, left on flight;
They have managed to inveigle

Into gins, or shoot down, Kite,
Buzzard, Harrier, Goshawk, Hobby,

Merlin, Kestrel, Sparrowhawk,
Raven, Chough, Crow, Magpie—snobby

Landlords in the poulterer's walk !

They be hanged, too, those base prowling

Cads, and riff-raff, vagrant chaps,
Song-birds wholesale who, bat-fowling,

Catch, and snare in nets and traps.
0 for such a whip, to lick 'em

As would serve me, into fits.
0 for boots wherewith to kick 'em

That exterminate Tom-tits,

Thrush and Blackbird, Lark and Linnet,

Goldfinch, Bullfinch, Greenfinch ! Would
Foot had on it, hand had in it

Weapons which at will I could
Wield for Redbreast, Tellowhammer,

Brown, and Golden-crested Wren,
Those, and all things which enamour

With old England, Englishmen:

And a noble Englishwoman ;

Nobler none ; few wise as she,
For wild Birds and open Common

List Lady Burdett Coutts' plea.
If you do not see the wit in

These appellatory rhymes,
Read that. Lo, is it not written

In the other Thursday's Times ?

Aquatic Intelligence.—mlrs. Malaprop was heard
to express the hope that the result of the International
Boat Race would be a glory to the Umpire on which
the sun never sets.

OPERA REFORM.

Melodious Punch,

Don't be startled by my heading. I am not going to ask
you to pitch into Mr. Gye, or belabour Mr. Mapleson. The reform
which I desire is one beyond their management; and I am bold
enough to hope that it will meet with your encouragement. But a
bolder man than I am has given me the hint for it. Certainly,
Herr Wagner is far pluckier than I am. I should never have
been bold enough to write such operas as his, for I should never
have been bold enough to expect people to listen to them. Besides,
Herr Wagner has actually just founded a new theatre, and that is
certainly a work for a bolder man than I am. Moreover, in his
theatre Herr Wagner has the boldness to propose to make the
orchestra invisible. In certain theatres I know, how I wish it were
inaudible! But the best proof of his boldness I find detailed as
follows:—

" Herr Wagner makes very strong demands upon his audience, which
needs reform as much, he says, as the opera itself. He does not wish that
people should enter the theatre after they are tired out by the labours of the
day, and when a superficial enjoyment is all they need; but he desires tbat
the people who attend the Nibelungen shall rest during the day, and enter
the theatre with fresh spirit, capable of receiving and enjoying the impres-
sions that will be called up."

Unbelievers in Herr Wagner will hardly be surprised at this.
To them, it doubtless is such hard work listening to his music that a
good long rest beforehand will seem absolutely needful. But, with-
out haying the irreverence to acquiesce in this, I think you will agree
with him that operatic audiences vastly need reforming. I am, of
course, a model auditor myself, or I should not venture to throw
stones at my neighbours. But I notice that some people go chiefly
to the opera not to listen but to chatter, and scarcely hold their
tongues when Patti sings her sweetest.

Then, besides the prattlers, there are the stampers and the
hummers, bores who think they have a little music in their souls,
and so apparently feel bound to stamp the time, and hum the airs,
in manner most abominable. Hardly less a nuisance are the
rapturous applauders, who raucously cry Brava! in the middle of
a song, and drown its final notes by their premature hand-clapping.
Not less annoying are the yawners, who seem bored by the whole
thing, as they would probably express it, and are sad dampers on
the pleasure of appreciative listeners. Moreover, quite as troubling
are the carpers, who try to show their knowledge by finding fault
with everybody, and affect to wince under the hearing of flat notes,
which nobody except themselves is sharp enough to recognise.

If Hers Wagner could reform these operatic nuisances, how all
true lovers of music would thank him in their hearts ! If he only
could compose people, and force them to keep quiet while sitting at
the opera, he would, with added merit, rank as a wonderful
composer.

Believe me, yours profoundly,

Beethoven Weber Brown.

Calliope Cottage, Friday.

American Papers, Please Copy.

"Knocking the consequence out of a fellow" is a common school
phrase for the process the Yankees mean applying to us when
putting in practice their happy thought of inflicting " conse-
quential damages." However, there are many happy signs that
this threatening storm-cloud will be soon dissipated, and the
American Case will prove no casus belli, even as regards a war of
words, but brutum fulmen—mere Sumner lightning. May the
trouble, like so many others, be ended in the bowl, and, instead of
squabbling over last year's Washington bantling, let Jonathan and
John proceed to " kiss the baby."