Punch (62.1872)

June 22, 1872.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

253

EHEU !

0 fob. one hour of dear old Palme rston,
To get this super-Liberally ruled nation

Out of the mess 'tis in through that ill-done
Affair of the Genevan Arbitration!

Man at the "Wheel of State, had he till now,
A living Nestor, still our Helmsman been,

Great works accomplished, Candour must allow,
Such as we see, we never might have seen.

'Tis like enough, had Palmerston borne rule,

That Household Suffrage had been still held back ;

There would not be a vote for every fool,
Nor schemes to help fools vote that letters lack.

Measures to curb the people in their joys,

Of Sabbatarian-sumptuary kind,
For schooling Englishmen like little boys,

Might have continued still to scorn consigned.

But England's weal, or England's honour, wrecked
We should not fear on any foreign shoal!

Should now behold " attorney-ism"* checked :
Ne'er have been got into our present hole.

* " We thank thee, Bkight, for teaching us that word."

HAPPY THOUGHT-DIVISION OF LABOUR.

" A—LOOK HERE, MlSS BoNAMY ! S'POSE YOU LOOK AT THE PICTURES,
WHILE I CONFINE MY ATTENTION to THE CATALOGUE ! GET THROUGH THE JOB
IN HALF THE TlME, YOU know ! "

PENAL SERVITUDE OF JURORS.

The trial of Marguerite Diblanc not having been
finished in one day, the Court had to adjourn until the
next morning. According to Law Report: —

" Meanwhile the Jury were escorted to the Cannon Street
Hotel by an officer of the Court, and were not allowed to separate
overnight."

The trial lasted over the next night too, and the
Jury had to undergo this disgusting infliction a second
time. In the meantime the Attorney-General's Jury
Nuisance BiU is under the consideration of a Select
Committee. Why cannot an obvious part of that
nuisance be abated at once ? Because it does not affect
Members of Parliament. How very expeditiously it
would be abolished if it did !

PINE AETS.

On the Spur of the Picture Exhibitions, Sales, and the like, there
is plenty of goose-gabble upon the Fine Arts now o' nights. Any
one who ventures much into society must have at his tongue's tip a
smatter of Art-jargon, and pretend to know a something about
poetry of handling, middle distances, and high lights. Yet, after

to hounds, whenever it seems good to you, without incurring further
cost than your travelling expenses.

The art, when you come up to town to pay a round of calls and do
a little shopping, of persuading some rich bosom friend to take you
in her carriage, whereby you save your cab-hire, and enhance your
reputation.

The art of getting amateurs of the very finest water to sing at all
your soirees, without so much as giving them a supper for their

all, the arts which most affect Societv ape assuredly not those which i services. .

occupied the life-study of Raphael and Rembrandt. Brag of I The art of getting credit, without interest, from a Jew, or discount

our Art-culture as vainly as we may, Society cares far less to study
the fine art of Rubens or of Reynolds, than to heed the culture of
such fine arts as the following :—

The art of getting rich young lords to dance with your fair daugh-
ters, so that in due time their attentions may be marked, and some-
thing serious may come of it.

The art of tempting pleasant friends to come at a late notice to
fill up gaps at table ; especially when, otherwise, you would have
had to undergo the dismal dreariness of dining only with your own
relations.

The art of getting managers to give you stalls and boxes, in the
notion that your presence does credit to their theatres.

The art of finding a rich friend to make a tour with you in autumn,
and of leaving him to bear the lion's share of the expenses.

The art of entering a ball-room immediately after some grand
names have been bawled out, and of assuming the ax^pearance of
owning, yourself, one of them.

The art of tempting your old Aunt to give your girls new dresses
whenever they require them.

The art of finding out the hours to call on disagreeable people, so
as to be certain that they will not be visible, in which case your card
will satisfy the rigours of society.

The art, if they are poor, of keeping all your near relations at a
distance, so as to prevent their ever asking you to put your name
upon a bill, or be godfather to baby.

The art of getting a day's xAeasant shooting, or a famous mount

upon ready-money xjayment to a butcher.

The art of so beguiling your gouty rich old uncle, that he gives up
drinking wine, and generously makes you a present of his cellar.

The art of tempting publishers to put you on the free list for all
their magazines, reviews, and other publications, _ under the im-
X>ression that to lie upon your table will increase their circulation.

The art of so arranging your card-tray for a x>arty> tQat all the
swellish names are conspicuously legible.

The art of saying " No " to a lady-friend who calls, or writes, to
ask a favour of you, in such a dix>lomatic way as not to run the
slightest risk of forfeiting her friendship.

The art of passing off cheap claret with so much pomp of cork-
drawing and ceremony of glass-wiping, and with such a knowing
sniff and wink and lip-smack after sipping, as makes your friends
believe it really is the Margaux or Lafitte you tell them.

The art of handing Baby round to kiss, during dessert, in a manner
so enticing as will make your richest old friend present anxious to
stand godfather.

The art of wearing a bad hat with so much grace that even
creditors will fancy it a Rood one.

And, finally, the art of taking old umbrellas to the Club, in the
fond hope, now and then, of getting new ones in exchange for them.

A Precious Definition.

The Best Paste.—" Jewell's Apology."