Punch (62.1872)

254

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAfUVAJii.

[June 22 1872.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

onday, June 10. —
Second Reading of
the Ballot Bill by
the Lords. The
Mabquis of Ripon
moved it, with mo-

oblige an inquisitive posterity, has reported the proceedings at some
length. Luckily, the debates during the rest of the week make no
such call on his industry, and this is a comfort, something like hot
weather having set in with the Ascot Cup Day, when the French
horse, Henry, beat the Baron's Favonius.

The Commons talked over the Civil Service Estimates, but there
was nothing very exciting, except that the Committee refused to cut
off the salary of the Privy Seal, and that Me. Macfie said that the
steel-pens supplied to the House were the very worst in the world.

creet praises of the
measure, as calcu-
lated to do away
with vices that
must shock Lords
Spiritual, and vul-

whole system will
have to be revised.
Now the Ballot
would give us a
worse House of
Commons than at

j . j j • O I'UtJl V\J KjLLtJ l_L.VJU.OC *> CI G ULAt/ V, Ul i3L AAA U AAG WUAHO..

„lraA. ! We are ?lad of it—who that is entitled to be called a Great Man

writes with a steel pen ?

" Anser, apis, vitulus, regna gubernant."

Tuesday.—In both Houses were there earnest speeches and evasive
replies upon the American question. Whether the earnestness were
real, and the evasion not statesmanlike, are separate questions,
garities that must The Mid-London Railway, Western Section, Bill was read a Second
shock Lords Tern- Time. We exult to think of the discomforts that will come on the
poral. Eabl Grey ' menaced districts while the rail is being constructed,
opposed the Bill, : Mr. Bowring, rising to propose an alteration in the system of
as effecting only Counts Out, was himself promptly Counted Out. Never play with
a very partial fire. He announced that he should renew a Motion which "had
change, whereas a been cut short by the cruel scissors of the Fates." Dear Me. Bow-
ring, only one of the Fates had scissors. 'Twas Atropos. Don't
you know that she said, on the day of the birth of Vaccination.
Jenner, that she had lost them ? Would you speak of the tele-
scopes of the Muses ?

Wednesday.—In debate on some Irish law Bill, the Attobney-

vyonmiuub LUd.u d,u (JgjjjjRAL foe Ireland performed a national service. He explained

luesen , an . that Excelsior, in the sense in which a poet should have known

i, ^ c mi better than to teach the servorum pecus to use the word, is abomi-

r. r, j- n i ,v o-ii ji ui°-terre 0^mj' j nably bad Latin. He made a most diverting and rollicking speech

Duke of Richmond disliked the Bill, thought it very bad and ^ h fim and h Houge threw A ou* Me MA6UI1fE ilnter.

should not oppose the Second Reading. Like the goddess Dulness, & scoff ^ ft certaia Jud whf) hag driveQ the Iri8h ie8tfJ

in the IJunciad, he and their friends to frenzy, but that Judge will find himself power-

with a discontented air ! fullv sustained by the Imperial Parliament, if the case is brought

seems to reject, the while he grants the prayer. before it

Lord Shaftesbuey opposed, as the Bill would entirely sap the : Then we had a pleasant little debate on a Bill for the Protection
morality of Voters. He expected to see the Church destroyed, the j of Wild Fowl, and Me. Auberon (he should be Audubon) Heebeet,
Lords attacked, and-he was "prepared to tremble" for the i in a charming ornithological speech, pleaded for the smaller birds.
Throne. Our artist has vainly endeavoured to depict an excellent! our benefactors, against gardeners, trappers, and those wretched
nobleman preparing to tremble, but regrets that he cannot get idiots, the Sparrow-Club men. Me. Henley objected to the Law's
nearer the mark than the presentation of a gentleman in bed, \ being asked to protect little birds ; and as this excellent veteran
regarding a shower-bath on a frosty morning, and as this is mani- j rather goes in for piety, we should like to ask him whether—we will
festly beneath the dignity of the subject, he takes another. not quote from too high a source—but whether he remembers the

Lord Cowpeb supported the Bill because it was not objected to authority that suggested the poet's line,
in Cowpee's Poems. Loed Ravenswoeth opposed it because it " A hero perish, or a sparrow fall."

was not praised by Virgil, whom he has translated. Lord Rose- ™ ,r „ , , . «. j ...

beey, whose name is Primrose, opposed it because i Eh, Me Henley, there s precedent lor you, and you like prece-

dents. J\ow then, is a sparrow too small a thing to be cared lor by

A primrose on a river's brim
A yellow primrose is to him,
And it is nothing more."

man ? Respond, Josephus Grumbletonius ! Don't be angry ; we
defy as much as we admire you. You asked whether a boy ought to
be punished for going birds'-nesting. Well, we think he is, for he
The Duke of Rutland opposed it because his county is the I usually falls off the tree with a lot of objectionable eggs in his
smallest in England. Loed Lyveden supported it because his mouth ; they smash, he tears his trowsers, and he catches it from
name is Veen on, and Ver non semper viret, that is, he is very j his afflicted parient. Boys should be wopped until they learn to be
seldom green. kind and affectionate, and to hate to inflict pain. Vide Solomon,

Sie Anthony Absolute, and others.

Thursday — Earl Granville explained that M. de Remusat, the

We are bound to say that the account of what was said by the
last five speakers is one which Mr. Punch declines to vouch for.

The fact is that he went out to dinner, and on his return obtained j Foreign Minister of France, had "promised, in the most affable
hi3 facts from an Irish friend. But it is not of much consequence, : raatmer, that the French Government would do nothing to induce
and probably the reasons which the five Lords gave were not half as : French exiles to select Great Britain as their place of abode.

cogent as the above. Mr. Punch returned to find Lord Carnarvon „, „ „ , t 0 , ,, a, ■ „ ,

-,° ■ n n p i, , j i " ' How elegant your 1 renchmen r Mine, d ye mean ?

abusing the measure as full of snares, pitfalls, and delusions. I have but one I hoDe the fellow's clean \.

Lord Belmoee said that the Ballot worked well in Australia, where 1 ^ ° b ' ' 1 n°pe me leii°* 8 Cledn- Donne, via Pope.

a scrutiny was allowed. [N.B. This is a most important point. You The Lords passed the Liquor Bill, and Loed Kimberley was
can have no absolute secresy where there is a scrutiny, and no highly complimented on the fair and pleasant manner in which he
safety against rascality where there is not—utrum horum Mavis \ hSL& conducted it. His Lordship replied with graceful acknowledg-
accipe—' mavis" is Scotch for a thrush]. Loed Kimbeeley, for i ments. "Manners is a fine thing, truly," as Miss observes in

Government, gave us the comfortable assurance that the Bill would
do neither so much good nor so much evil as was anticipated. A
voter, we suppose, is to be what the lady advises the poet to show

Polite Conversation.

Me. Justice Keogh, whose judgment was confirmed by three out
of the four Judges of the Irish Common Pleas, having turned out

himself. Captain Nolan from Galway, and seated Captain Teench, there

" Come if you 1 be a good kind.soul was an attempt to hinder the execution of this righteous decree.

I '11list ™ui5faSSSiSSD01' But the British Parliamerit would not P.ermit ^justice.

Of those who vote for Noes or Aves." The Cord-Communication between Railway Passengers and Guards

was admitted to be, on the whole, a failure, and the Hoard of Irade
will humbly and respectfully beg the Companies to devise some
better plan. Until they do, Mr. Punch only says to British Juries,
" Give the very heaviest damages whenever accident, for want of
communication, occurs." The Companies like paying thousands
in this way, instead of hundreds to scientific men for inventions
and experiments, so oblige the "men of business." They treat
the Public as a cipher, treat them to an extra cipher in your
verdicts.

More American discussion. We begin to dislike Christoforo

Ha! ha! dear Madam. " Quotations quottle deep," eh ? Well, Lord
Salisbury thought the Bill would diminish the moral influence of
Party, and he was especially afraid of it for Ireland. The Chan-
cellor was for trusting the People. Lord Caiens said that the Bill
would disfranchise half the constituencies, for men would be indif-
ferent about voting if it were a secret act. Their Lordships divided,
and the Second Reading was carried by 86 to 56, majority 30.

That debate was both interesting and important, and Mr. Punch,
with his exquisite sense of the fitness of things, and in his wish to