Punch (62.1872)

26

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHaRIVaKI.

(January 20, 1872.

" CHEEK ! "

Commercial Cent (to Swell who was smoking a fragrant Ilavannah). " Would you Oblige me, Sir, by Changing into another
Carriage, or putting your Cigar out pro tem. ?"

Swell [nonchalantly). " 0, certainly." (Throws his Cigar out of the Window.)

Commercial Gent (complacently producing and filling his Meerschaum). " Sorry to Trouble you, but I never can Enjoy my Pipe
when there's a Bad Weed a goin' ! ! "

FROM GAL WAY TO CANDY.

Mr. W. H. Gregory, the accomplished Member for Galway, goes
to Ceylon as Governor. We firmly believe that the iEdile rejoiceth
at this, as Mr. Gregory knows a deal about Art, and the JEdile
loveth not such men. Mr. Punch regrets to lose a bright speaker
from the House, but is glad of his promotion. It will be no more,

" Gregory, remember thy swashing blow."
The Honourable Member's "blow " will be had where—

" The spicy breezes
Blow soft o'er Ceylon's isle.
And no one ever sneezes,
Or feels a touch of bile."

Such will be the Gregorian Chant for some time to come. A
pleasant exile, and a safe return, are Mr. Punch's sweet wishes to
him who departeth for Candy.

UN MONSIEUR SMITH.

Among the news of the other day appeared the following:—

"Two Frenchmen, one of whom, however, gives the name of Smith, are in
custody, charged with the commission of several burglaries in the suburbs of
the Metropolis."

You would have liked to hear one of the Frenchmen give the
name of Smith. His tongue, surely, betrayed him. M. Vaurien,
or whatever his real name was, of course, in attempting to give the
name of Smith, gave that of Smeet or >Smis. Give the name of
Smith, indeed! A Frenchman might as well try to give the pass-
word of Shibboleth.

A WORKING MAN ON WORK.

At the National Congress of Trades Societies at Nottingham, last
week, a Mr. Graham said :—

" In his opinion it was one of the rights of a free man to cease work when
he wished, either for reasonable or even unreasonable causes."

This is so exactly Mr. Punch's belief that, wishing at this identi-
cal moment to cease work, for the reasonable or unreasonable cause
that he feels more inclined to smoke, he knocks off, without append-
ing any proper and moral observations to Mr. Graham's dictum.
Whether Mr. Graham keeps any sort of servant, and if so, whether
Mr. Graham recognises the right in question when he wants his
beer fetched, or his boots cleaned, is the only query that Mr. Punch
chooses to exert himself to put. But he must add that the world
would go on delightfully if this rule were always acted upon ; and
he is glad that the Trade Societies are enlightened enough to do their
best to bring on a Millennium.

Suggestion to Mr. Lowe.

Lay a heavy tax on all persons telling old jokes, making old puns.
Let the tax be doubled in the case of any person attempting to pass
off such old joke or pun as " a good thing he's just heard," or as
" a funny thing that happened to his cousin the other day." Mr.
Lowe will find public-spirited men ready to hand in nearly all clubs
who will voluntarily give their services, and for a moderate per-
centage will act as Collectors of this particular form of taxation at
every dinner-party (where the name and address of the offender
will be taken down), and in Society's drawing-rooms. This and
a tax on photographs will bring in a handsome additional revenue
for Eighteen-Seventy-Two.