Punch (62.1872)

January 27, 1872.]

35

CHURCH DIS-ESTABLISHMENT.

erminal Punch,

Five more London
churches are to be imme-
diately destroyed. Down
with them ! First down
with St. Mildred's, in the
Poultry. It was built by
Sis Christopher Wren,
and somewhere about it
rest the remains of Thomas
Tesser, who wrote the
" Five Hundred Points of
Good Husbandry." Sweep
it away, and then batter
down St. Dionis Back-
church, also built by Sir
Christopher. There are
monuments in it to the
great benefactor to the
Bodleian Library, and to
the founder of the Saxon
Lectureship in St. John's
College, Oxford. Who
cares ? St. James's, Aid-
gate, is to be demolished:
'tis enough that Hebrews
chiefly abide around that
fane, and need it not.
Out with St. Martin of
Outwich; it hath stood
less than a hundred years, and though it was consecrated by Bishop
Porteus, and holdeth fine old monuments, conserved through three
centuries, away with it! Lastly (for the present) turn this pic-
tured clown's pickaxe upon St. Anthony's, or St. Antholin's, Sise
Lane. That, too, was the work of the Architect of St. Paul's, and
sundry be the memories which our old dramatists and our Walter
Scott have hung on "St. Anthing's." It is very meet and right
that the old City churches should all go, few persons now abiding
near them on Sunday, and religion being a thing for Sunday. Sir
Christopher's Cathedral, as it is also a Mausoleum, will probably
be spared until some railway or tramway shall want the site.

Yours, delighted,

Erostrates Vandal.

ORGANS OF OFFENCE.

On Thursday last week a modification of the American Gatling
Gun, called the " British Mitrailleuse," was tried for the first time
at Woolwich. The following is a description of this benevolent
machine:—

" It consists of ten barrels hooped together and revolving in the centre, and
fitted into a carriage like that of an ordinary field-gun, which, at a short
distance, it greatly resembles. The barrels and cartridges are similar to
those of the Henry-Martini rifle—in diameter -45 in.; the cartridge-cases
being of brass, and bottle-necked."

Tremendous, however, as may be the execution which this weapon
is capable of doing among a flock of soldiers, authorities are of
opinion that, '' like small arms generally, it must give way to rifled
ordnance." On its trial:—

" Indeed, most of the Royal Artillery Officers present seemed to think that the
machine-gun can never stand against Artillery, even if its delicate machinery
did not become disarranged by mere musket-shot."

So that a comparison is suggested to those who read, that when the
" British Mitrailleuse" is made ready and placed in position—

" A handle like that of a street-organ, and fixed at the side of the trail, is
then turned at any degree of rapidity required, and the barrels load and fire
until the supply of cartridges is exhausted, which takes about five minutes
under favourable conditions."

One is led to compare the British Mitrailleuse with the Italian
Grinding Organ, and to question if the latter be not, of the two, the
more offensive instrument.

Corrigendum.

The antiquity of the Athanasian Creed being now shown to be a
myth, the date being that of Charlemagne, would it not be well,
before the Prayer Book is finally revised, that the correction should
be made ? For it will take many a year to abolish the belief that
St. Athanasius drew up the document, especially as divers theolo-
gians think nothing of some four hundred and fifty years of what
they imagine to have been the Dark Ages. "Commonly (but
absurdly) called the Creed of St. Athanasius" is a line that, in a
century or so, might have an effect upon the less un-intelligent.

A PROFESSION'S UNION.

At Bas-Unterwald, according to the Swiss Times:—

" Strikes are becoming the fashion in the higher circles of society. The
physicians of this peaceful Arcadia have united and struck work, demanding
an increase in their fees. The Landrath, however, refuses to entertain their
claims, and advises a strike of the patients as the best answer to the physi-
cians' demands."

There was a time when a strike of patients anywhere would have
been attended with a very great decrease of the rate of mortality.
There is reason to suppose that in the present improved condition of
medical science such would not be the case. The strikers, struck
with fever, or other grave illness, would probably be struck down
in rather alarming numbers.

What justification of a medical strike there may be in Switzerland
hath not appeared, but in this country there is, in some quarters,
not a little. The ridiculously low wages, not to say salary, be-
grudged, not to say granted, to Medical Officers by many Poor-Law
Unions would amply warrant the establishment of a Professional
Union corresponding to a Trades' Union, and consisting of sons of
^Esctjlapius. The medico-chirurgical Unionists could manage a
strike well enough without committing any outrage on the Non-
Unionists, or Knobsticks. There would be no need for the Doctors
on strike to picket, and waylay, and beat the others on their road to
the Workhouse, or across country to the recipient of out-door relief ;
and they could do without rattening them and filching away their
physic, stethoscopes, and surgical instruments. In dealing with
unworthy members of an honourable Profession, capable of under-
selling their brother-chips, the practitioners forming the Union
would require to have recourse to no proceedings associated with
Sheffield; they would find it quite sufficient to send outsiders and
recusants of co-operation in a strike to Coventry.

OMINOUS INDEED!

All England, that reads the newspapers, will have felt the shock
of a truly—

"Terrific Explosion,—Yesterday evening an explosion of a frightful
character occurred at Gladstone^ Cartridge Factory, Greenwich Marshes,
by which a large number of girls have been seriously injured."

Considering for what Constituency the Premier is Member of
Parliament, the majority of people cannot but be, momentarily at
least, startled and taken aback by the information in the first place
that Gladstone has a Cartridge Factory in Greenwich Marshes, and,
secondly, that it has been the scene of a terrific explosion. Nor
certainly are they likely to be re-assured by the further intelligence
that:—

" A few weeks ago the Government seized 365 cases of ball cartridge,
each containing 20 lb. weight, which had been manufactured by Mr Glad-
stone for the French Government during the late war."

The obvious suggestion conveyed by this statement is, that there
has occurred not only a terrific explosion in the borough of Green-
wich, but also a not less alarming blow-up in the Cabinet.

Absit omen !

ELEGANT ADVERTISING.
If you like, read this advertisement from the Christian World:—

pO-PAHTNEB, WANTED, by a highly respectable Man, aged 30,
VJ member of Spurgeon's. A gentlemanly person required, a believer
with about £50, and who can travel.—Address, &c.

Hm ! In the first place a gentlemanly person would not wish to
hear his partner talk in that exceedingly curt way of their minister
and his flock. "Member of Spurgeon's." "One who regularly
attends the ministrations of the Reverend C. H. Sperg-eon, B.M."
would be more gentlemanly language. Nextly,'' a believer with about
£50 " reads rather Mammonish. It suggests that a sceptic with about
£75, or a positivist with about £100, would not be unacceptable.
Thirdly, " who can travel." Who can't travel with about £50? Mr.
Cook will give you a return-ticket for the Pyramid for about that.
Fourthly, the "and" is abominable English. We wish oiir
esteemed friend the Christian World would edit its advertisements.
We really can't be always doing it.

Dignity for Doctors.

It is suggested that a fitting honour to be conferred on meritorious
Physicians and Surgeons would be that of the Order of the Bath.
Nothing could be more suitable ; but should the Bath be the Hot-
Bath or the Cold ?