Punch (62.1872)

February 10, 1872.1 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

63

EVENINGS FROM HOME.

he Masters Harr r
Sandford, Tommy
Merton, and Mr.
Barlow, visit the
a Delphi Theatre
to see " Notre
dame"and "Sifow
White."

Harry. Sir, will
you give me leave
to ask a question ?

Mr. Barloiv. As
many as you choose.

Harry. The hon-
est persons in this
entertainment call
Claude Frollo the
" Wicked Arch-
deacon," or " The
Archdeacon," or
" My brother the
Archdeacon," as
the varying cir-
cumstances may
warrant.

Mr. Barlow. This
is indeed the case.
Harry. But then, Sir, did you not tell us the other day, that the
good gentleman in a very remarkable hat, a square-cut coat, and
with no buttons on his waistcoat, an omission intended, perhaps,
to counteract the effect of so many small buttons on his gaiters and
at his knees,—did you not say, Sir, that he was an Archdeacon ?

Mr. Barlow. Indeed, Harby, you have correctly repeated the in-
formation I gave you on that occasion, and I cannot but praise your
thoughtfulness, which would connect that eminently respectable
elderly gentleman (he carried an umbrella, if I remember rightly),
with the " Goblin Monk," for such, I perceive, is the term applied
to the Archdeacon in this play. But you must know that different
countries have different ecclesiastical, as well as civil, costumes, and
both the novelist and dramatist, but especially the latter, will
always do well to choose such a subject as may furnish him with the
most picturesque materials. Therefore, the adapter, my dear Harry,
of this drama has wisely not attempted to bring down the story to
our own date and country; though I admit that the temptation to
exhibit an Archdeacon in his gaiters and shovel hat, running round
St. Paul's after a gipsy girl, chiveying her up-stairs into the whisper-
ing gallery, thence up into the ball, where he would encounter the
bell-ringer, when all three might climb, one after the other, to the
summit of the'golden cross, whence the Archdeacon should be thrown
down—I say the temptation to exhibit such a sensational incident
in modern days must have been almost irresistible.

Tommy and Harry now both expressed their regret that it had
not fallen to the lot of their revered tutor to arrange such a version
of Notre Dame for the Adelphi as he had just described.

Tommy. And whom, Sir, would you have made the representa-
tive of the Archdeacon in your proposed modern adaptation of
Esmeralda f

Mr. Barlow. I should indubitably have allotted the part of the
Archdeacon in his shovel-hat and gaiters to that most conscientious
and painstaking artist, Mr. Bomer, of this theatre.

Tommy and Harry. Indeed, Sir, we are entirely of your opinion.

Harry. What you have just said, Sir, reminds me of the story of
Chares and the Contiguous Dutchman, which, as Tommy has not yet
heard it, I will repeat to him. Tou must know then, Master
Tommy-

But at this moment, the Third Act commencing caused Harry to
postpone his instructive and amusing tale until another opportunity
should present itself.

Tommy. And indeed, Sir, I do not know any young lady with
whom I could sooner sympathise, under such distressing circum-
stances, than Miss Rose Leclerq, who, you will see by the pro-
gramme, now represents Esmeralda the gipsy girl.

Throughout the two last scenes of the drama Tommy evinced
considerable excitement, which, indeed, when the "wicked Arch-
deacon" in the exercise of functions peculiarly unarchidiaconal,
chased the enticing but unhappy young person up the stairs of the
bell-turret, was increased to such a point, that, being of an innately
generous and noble disposition, he was for jumping upon the stage and.
proceeding to the rescue of Esmeralda, for whom he now expressed
sentiments of the most profound pity. Nay, it was not until the
"goblin" Archdeacon, alter a severe struggle with the hunchback
had been precipitated headlong from the summit of the tower, that
Tommy in any degree recovered his wonted serenity.

Mr. Barlow. You see, my dear Tommy to what a pitch—and
literally a pitch from a considerable height, as you will have already
observed—your passions, if unchecked, may carry you.

Harry. I think, Sir, I perceive that you would have us remark
the use of the word "pitch " in your latest observation.

Mr. Barlow. You are indeed right, and it will be well for our
young friend Tommy, who is now studying the art of skilfuUy
playing upon words, to notice what amusing conceits can be extracted
from the judicious application of this one word " pitch."

Tommy. I now see, Sir, that a dictionary and a grammar may
serve as the foundation of much innocent recreation.

" Indeed," said Mr. Barlow, " I am sincerely glad to find that
Tommy has made this acquisition. He will now depend upon
nobody, but be able to divert himself whenever he pleases. ALL
that has ever been written in our own language will be now in his-
power, and I do not despair of one day hearing him make a jest,
and of his becoming capable," added Mr. Barlow, with consider-
able emphasis, " of appreciating the wit of others."

"Yes," said Tommy, something elated by all this praise, "I am
determined now to make myself as clever as anybody. I know
more already than most grown-up people, and though in our house
there are my Grandfather and Grandmother, as well as my Father
and Mother, my Sisters, my Uncle, and two Aunts, besides the twelve
black servants, yet I am sure not one of them can make a joke as well
as I can." Mr. Barlow looked a little grave at this, and then asked
quietly, " Pray, who has attempted to teach them anything ? "

" Nobody, I believe," said Tommy, " except myself; and I protest,
Sir, that I have experienced much difficulty both with my Grand-
father and Grandmother, whom I have tried to instruct in such
practical and verbal pleasantries as I have now, so frequently, wit-
nessed in the most amusing pantomimes. I have, Sir, placed myself
under a chair cover, and, on my knees being sat upon by either of
my venerable relatives, 1 have vehemently embraced them with my
arms, or have suddenly withdrawn myself from my concealment. I
have told my Uncle that " a policeman was coming," and have lain
down on the door-mat, after summoning my Aunt from the drawing-
room with a loud rap at the door. I have failed as yet," continued
Tommy, modestly, " to do much with the kitchen poker made red-
hot, but I trust that in time, by constant attention and untiring
perseverance-"

At this moment, however, the time having arrived for the big
drum (near whom they were seated) to join in the overture, with
whick the orchestra was ushering in the Extravaganza, further con-
versation was rendered comparatively impracticable. Tommy, in-
deed, was highly indignant that any person should interrupt his
discourse, and expressed, by signs, an earnest desire of conveying
these sentiments to the honest musician who was within reach of his
arm; and, indeed, he would have succeeded in his attempt, had not
Mr. Barlow applied his linger and thumb so sharply to the softer
portion of his pupil's arm, as for the moment to distract his attention
from the object of his anger.

A few seconds after this the curtain drew up, and the Extrava-
ganza commenced.

They were now vastly entertained by the acting and singing of
Mrs. John Wood, in the piece called Snoio White, in which also
Mrs. Mellon performed much to their satisfaction.

On quitting the Theatre Master Tommy was mightily offended
with a poor and ill-clad man who refused to fetch him a vehicle,
being, he said, at that moment employed by another party. He
now became very passionate. In truth Mastek Tommy thought he
had a right to command everybody that was not dressed as linely
as himself, an opinion which led him into some considerable in-
convenience, and was now the occasion of his being very severely
mortified.

" Sirrah! " said Tommy to the poor man, " get me a cab." " I
don't choose to," said the man. " Sirrah ! " exclaimed Tommy, "if
I come to you I will make you choose it! " " You be bio wed, my
pretty little master," said the man. " You vulgar rascal," said
Tommy, who now began to be very angry, " I will thrash you
within an inch of your life." To this the other made no answer
but by a loud laugh, which provoked Tommy so much that he rushed
at the man, who, stepping nimbly on one side, and extending his foot,
tripped up Master Tommy so quickly that in another second he
rolled into the wet gutter which was full of mud. His fine waist-
coat was dirtied all over, his trousers covered with mire, and his-
shoes filled with the thick slosh.

The troop of spectators, who had attributed Tommy's fall to
cowardice, began to entertain the sincerest respect for his courage
when they saw him, on rising, fly at his antagonist, and deal him a
severe punch of his fist in the very centre of his body. They now
gathered round the combatants in silence. After a short but severe
contest, the linkman closed with his undaunted enemy, and by dint
of superior strength, roughly hurled him to the ground. A second
time did Tommy rise and attack his adversary; but, alas ! again was
he doomed to disappointment.

While the contest was thus raging, Harry and their beloved tutor