Punch (62.1872)

100

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 9, 1872.

to ladies whom I have danced with, or sat by, and there-
fore I shall merely remark that your Leads presented
a Galaxy. Grace and good-humour presided over the
scene, and the dry sherry was as good as any I ever tasted.
I did not confine myself to a cursory investigation into
this question.

There was a very dense crowd below. I could see
part of the Ludgate Arch on my right. There was a
great many flags, none handsomer than your own. I
saw several Special Correspondents, stalking along the
guarded line, " monarchs of all they surveyed," and I
was pleased to see literature so venerated. The day was
fine, but rather cold, and it therefore became necessary
to recruit nature at no distant intervals. I recruited her.

My own conversation, and the consequent cheerful-
ness of those around me, sped the hours, and there was
the great satisfaction of feeling oneself comfortably
seated, while thousands of other persons were being
hideously squeezed, pushed by policemen, and backed
into by horses. I then understood the Scotch Calvinistic
idea of the happiness of another sphere. But let me
observe that the police and soldiers behaved exceedingly
well, and were always ready to rescue some idiotic
woman, or some unfortunate child, that got frightened
in the press. I regretted the Joss of my artistic friend
at one moment, when he might have made a clever
sketch (he is clever, though au Academician) of a little
girl, with drapery in extreme disarray, hoist horizontally
over the crowd into the arms of a gallant soldier, and
received into those of an unreasonably furious mother.
'Twas a picture, but artists never see these things.

At length Her Majesty's beauteous cream-coloured
horses came by (I omit all other processional details),
and they drew a carriage in which were our Queen, our
Princess of Wales, Princess Beatrice, the little
Albert Victor, and the Heir Apparent. I need not
chronicle the mighty shout that greeted them, or speak
of the pleased face of the Sovereign, the gentle smiles of
the Princesses, or the genial look of the Prince of
Wales, pale from illness as he was. But this is what
I saw and must note. As the carriage drew near, Sir,
to your office, the Princess of Wales remembered the
greeting she had received there when she made her
entry into London. H.R.H. looked up, and beheld the
sculptured effigy of yourself, fatuously waving a lovely

bouquet. The Princess touched her Royal Mother (I am ' „ ,.T , cm

sure H.R.H. has forgotten the word mother-in-law) and Yes> this was the Way. And what s more, if this Sort of Thing con-
pointed out Mr Punch tinues, Me. P-- will be obliged to refuse all Parties this Year.

XXIX FEBRUARY.

Then, Sir, your Sovereign and mine Looked uf, OUR BRUTAL CUSTOMS

and Laughed a Recognition.

j , T . .. ... ... An "Anglo-Indian," in the Times, complains of the vexatious detention

1 remember no more. I extracted myself (if with too wmcn ne, and a lot of other passengers who arrived, the other Saturday night
little ceremony I humbly apologise to the ladies who by tb_e Malta at Southampton, endured owing to the brutality of the Customs'
were beside and near me), and I rushed into your cham- authorities of that port. From what " Anglo-Indian " says, it certainly does
ber, where a splendid lunch awaited your guests, lo j not appear that those officials are accustomed to execute their odious office
knock of! the top of a bottle of exquisite champagne, more offensively and injuriously than the rest of their tribe, who, however,
and to quaff a tumbler thereof at a draught, to swallow everywhere, are well known to make a point of inflicting on travellers,
a few dozen of the most delicate natives, and to quaff whom it is possible for them to impede and plague, no less of delay, trouble,
much more of that dry and fragrant nectar in honour of an(i annoyance than they possibly can. A competitive examination in civility
the Oueen, of the Prince, of the Princesses, of the , is desirable for candidates for place in the Customs' department of the so-caUed
ladies who I felt at that moment were all Princesses, civil Service. If existing Custom-house officers had to undergo that ordeal
and of yourself was the work of a moment. , it is to be feared that they would be nearly all of them plucked.

It is possible that you may know better than I do how
the rest of that great and glorious day was passed by

Your faithful Contributor, YOKES FOR YOKEFELLOWS.

The Frcjmious Bandersnatch. How pieasant to impose, or to maintain,

Restrictions which our own wills nought restrain;
Laws binding, to be sure, on me and you,
Their hardship who don't feel, whilst others do.
To wed their late wives' sisters some men want.
We, if we might, would not: we say they shan't.
Teetotallers, strong liquors we eschew
To please ourselves ; would force our neighbours to.
Niggards or meddlers, fain mankind to school,
Thus, under moral aims, mask lust of rule,
And Acts to curb the People whilst they scheme,
Cloak with benevolence their self-esteem.

" THAT'S GOOD."

In the House-of Commons "Paper" for Leap Year
Day was the following amazing item : —

" Public Committees for Thursday, 29th February, 1872.

Hour. Room.

" 2. Habitual Drunkards (to choose Chair-
man, and consider course of proceeding) . at three 16

Mr. Punch forgot to look into Room 16, to see how
the Habituals were getting on. He wonders whom they
chose. Their course of proceeding, of course, was to
lay on messengers to the Refreshment department, with
orders of more or less coherence. Well done, Collective
Wisdom.

Slightly Confused.

Mrs. Malaprop, on Thanksgiving Day, was charmed with the Common
Councilmen in their Magazine gowns. The same mistress of the English language
much admired the appearance of the soldiers, especially the Lancets, but felt
greatly disappointed that the Prince's doctors were not in the procession.