Punch (62.1872)

212

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[May 25, 1872.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Loed Debby wisely suggested that there should he no more dis-
cussion, hut he earnestly hoped that we should hear no more about
" understandings." " We nave," said the Earl,

" A right to ask that the new engagement, which is intended to supersede
and control the former, shall be concluded in clear, precise, and unequivocal
language ; because, unless that is done, we shall again be exposed to all the
trouble and misunderstanding which have hitherto caused so much anxiety."

Their Lordships speedily departed, to return on Friday, May 31,
when the result of the Derby and of the Oaks would be an interesting
topic for conversation.

The Commons made a night of it. They went, in Committee, to
the end of the Ballot Bill. More affectionate care was shown for
the Illiterate Voter, who will be obliged formally to declare his
ignorance, and the plan by which his vote is to be saved will do
away with Secresy. There was actually a discussion whether the
voting-paper should be marked with a cross, or any other mark. It
was stated that in other ballots the cross is seldom used by the voter,
who prefers a tick, or a straight line. It has also come out that at
certain Clubs where ballot-papers are used, many educated gentle-
men are so awfully stupid about marking that their votes are lost.
However, as the most dreadful penalties are imposed on a voter who
goes wrong—as far as we can make out he is to be hanged for his
first offence, and imprisoned for his second—we shall get the British
Constitution into beautiful working order about the time the Comet
makes constitutions rather needless.

The Attoeney-Genebal pushed on his Juries Bill, that it might
go to a Committee. He objects to many of the existing exemptions,
extends the age for serving to seventy, and for the first time pro-
poses that all Clergymen, of all denominations, should have to
serve. Mr. Punch thinks this last proposal absurd. If a Parson does
I his duty, he has no time to be a juryman, and if he doesn't, he is
ondat, May 13. — The illustrious assem- j unfit to be one. Besides, there is appropriate work for clergy and
bly which is usually known as Parlia- j for laity. He would rather that the Reveeend Me. Rubeic were by

the bedside of the wife, laid up by her husband's brutality, than in
the jury-box, helping to "give it hot" to the wife-beater. But
Sie John" Colebidge thought that serving on a jury would be a
good sort of education for Clergymen.

Another proposed alteration is, that in criminal cases (short of
murder) there shall be seven common jurors only, and in civil cases
there shall be seven jurors, five common, and two special.

Members talked the usual platitudes about important changes,
and so on, and the Bill was read a Second Time.
The Commons departed, to return on Monday, the 27th of May.
Mr. Punch is so affected by the hideous weather, that he inclines
to pick a quarrel with his dear old friend Chaucee for saying—
" May wol have no slogardie anight."

H EUVTEffi-- ir> \\ ment (but which the Bishop of Win

\ \ fH^-, JJ ohestee, the other day, wittily called
W Xs§yTM<ffi// the '/Two-Headed Nightingale") met

|g§ 011 ^s date, chiefly to hear what Minis-

^-C^—ters had to say about America. For,
direct as were the claims of the Whit-
suntide holidays upon us, we desired to know the fate of the Indirect
Claims.

Both Houses were crowded, and the King of the Belgians took
his seat over the clock, to listen to Me. Gladstone. Loed Gban-
ville, of course, made the statement to the Lords. This record
will have small interest for anybody, save for the exquisite charm
of Mr. Punch's language, for the Ministers could only talk of a sort
of Perhaps, and when these lines are read, Mes. Beowning's won-
drous phrase, addressed by the lady with the sweetest eyes to
Camoens, will apply. The question, like her Life, will have
"Lost its Peradventure."

Argal, it shall suffice to note, that Me. Gladstone's statement
was listened to in most respectful silence. He traced the progress
of the negociations, and stated that before Me. Fish's last despatch
had been delivered, the American Minister here suggested a mode
of settlement that might be satisfactory to both Governments.

It is not supposed, of course, that English Statesmen understand
the constitutional arrangements of America, a newly established and
obscure state, and Me. Gladstone remarked that it was not until
the 8th of May that his Ministry learned that Geneeal Schenck's
suggestion could not be carried out without the assent of the Ameri-
can Senate. However, as soon as they were enlightened on this,
they drew up a new Article in the way of contract between the two
countries, and this was telegraphed to America. Observe the Car-
toon^ and notice how justly indignant Neptune is at the incessant
flashing of messages.

We are asked to believe that Geneeal Geant and his Cabinet
approved this plan. May be they did, may be they didn't, for the
fact is by no means clear. But Me. Gladstone said that they had
submitted it to a Secret Session of the Senate, and the latter was
considering it while he spoke.

He bore a tribute to the friendly feeling manifested by the Ameri-
can Government, and he warmly thanked Parliament for its for-
bearance. He declared that there had been, and that there should
be, no departure from our original attitude.

Me. Diseaeli was cheered, on giving his advice that the House
should continue its forbearance, and should give a constitutional
support to Government.

Loed Geanville had the same things to say as his Chief. Loed
Russell was wrathful, feeling that the characters of Loed Palmeb-
ston and himself were assailed by the Claims. He used rather
strong language, called the Claims "mendacious," and said that as
the question was between the honour of the Crown of England and
the re-election of President Geant, he preferred the honour of
Hee Majesty and the reputation of the country to any considera-
tion connected with the triumph of the President.

Not bein? in the habit of going to bed until what is called night
is over, Mr. Punch has nothing to say about that, but when
Chatjcee goes on to remark that—

" The seson priketh every gentil herte,
And maketh him out of his sleep to sterte,"

it occurs to Mr. Punch to remark, that as there is no rationality in
getting up to gaze on leaden skies and pouring rain, the " Seson "
had better mind her own business, and leave the calling a " gentil
herte," in the morning, to the care of a sensible housemaid, who
knows better than to make her employer "sterte" until a decent
hour. Cowpee knew May's character better, and protested against
the Poets' praising her,—

"Adorning May, that peevish maid,
"With June's undoubted right.

" The Nymph shall, for your folly's sake,
Still prove herself a Shrew,
Shall make your scribbling fingers ache,
And pinch your noses blue."

A Bristol Diamond.

"An Aspiring Mayor.—The spire of RedcliiT Church, Bristol, has been
completed. The Mayor, Mr. Proctor Baker, who was accompanied by
the Mayoress in his perilous ascent, laid the cap-vane in the midst of a storm
of thunder, lightning, and hail, which broke over the city during the
ceremony."

Since Phaeaoh's chief Baker went up in the air,
No chief Baker has mounted so high as our Mayor.
And his Mayoress stood by him, so Punch is a swearer
That of all the spectators not one could be Phairer.

a distinguished guest.

Mes. Malapeop is determined to obtain a lady's ticket for next
year's Literary Fun Dinner, as she thinks it must be a most amusing
entertainment.