Punch (62.1872)

220

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAJRIVAE1.

[May 25, 1872.

THE "RED BOOK" AT FAULT!

Mrs. Polshorf {Establishment for Young Ladies, Bellevue House, St. Leonards), solicitous as well for tJie physical as the mental development of
her Pupils, engages a respectable {middle-aged) Non-Commissioned Officer to exercise them in Calisthenics under her own eye.

Ancient Militia Sergeant. " Elbows turned in, and close to the Sides!—Palms o' the Hands full to the Front !—Thumb

CLOSE to the FoRE-FlNGER !—little FlNGER IN LlNE with the SEAM OF the TROWS--ahem ! As YOU were ! ! "

A SPANISH PIRATE.

Mr. Punch invites Lord Granville's attention, to this. He will
be good enough to make proper representations to the Government
of King Amadeus. A more flagrant act of piracy has never been
committed. The Spanish Pretender, Carlos VII., has issued a
proclamation containing the following passage :—

"Let us all unite, crying Down with the Foreigner! and on the Roar of
the Spanish Lion the tools of the Revolution and the satellites of Italy will
fly terrified."

The sentiments herein expressed may be noble enough, but they
are what may be colloquially called a " dead prig " from Mr. Punch.
One of the most valued of his staff, W. M. Thackeray, put them
into beautiful poetry. He stated that at a public dinner he heard
the minstrels sing as follows, after the usual milingtary toast:—

" 0 the sword and shield And the Battle-Field Are the joys that best I love
boys When the grenadiers with their pikes and spears Tnrough the ranks of
the foemen shove boys And the bold hooray strikes wild dismay In the files
of the dead and dyin' And the bayonet clanks in the Frenchmen's flanks
As they fly from the British Lion."

Don Carlos VII. may pretend to the throne of Spain, if he likes,
but he must not pretend to be the inventor of a soul-stirring appeal
like that he has promulgated. The Roar of the Spanish Lion,
indeed! The brave Carlists are more likely to be invited to run
home by the Smell of the Spanish Onion. Run they did, anyhow.

Rational Ancient Roman.

"Nothing," said Sempronius to Cato, " would make me consent
to die for my country but the fear of worse punishment if I de-
clined." " Don't be pusillanimous," was Cato's reply. "Abuse,"
rejoined Sempronius, " is no argument."

ALIEN AND ALIAS.

This is—well, worth notice. Castro (with Messrs. Baigent and
Guildford Onslow) is " stumping" the country, previously to his
trial. He is, by the kind permission of Her Majesty's Judges, to
make appearances in several of the principal towns. There he will
spout, and, unless he has a more decent entertainment" written
for him, will, as at Alresford, abuse the Judge who committed him
for perjury, and declare the Chief Justice "biassed" and unfit for
his place. Subscriptions from all sorts of credulous fools are, of
course, expected to pour in. But lo and behold ! The solicitor for
Diblanc (the woman who destroyed a lady in Park Lane) writes to
pray that some of the liberality invoked for Castro may be directed
towards Diblanc, seeing that she is an "Alien" in need and
Newgate. . . The cases are hardly parallel, as Castro is not guilty
of murdering anything but the Queen's English, or of trying to
murder anything but a lady's reputation. Which appeal, however,
is the most impudent may be left an open question.

" Angels and Ministers."

If ladies are to have a finger in the political pie, as is threatened
by the Woman's Eights Movement, and exchange solicitude for even-
ing parties with anxiety for parties political, many_ of us will
find ourselves constrained to alter Scott's beautiful lines to suit
the circumstances, as thus :—

" "When pain and anguish wrack the brow,
A ministerial augel, thou!"

"size—a weak glue."—Webster.

A German philosopher discovered that the Soul was a Glue.
His doctrine has not been absolutely accepted here ; but we saw, the
other day, a novel called A Life's a Size.