Punch (62.1872)

232

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 1, 1872.

SUBJUGATED SCOTLAND.

eglnnlng one of the
songs of Scotland, a
minstrel inquires of
a maiden—

" 0 where and 0 where
does your Highland
laddie dwell?"

The lassie, if we
rightly remember,
answers :—

" He dwells in merry
Scotland at the sign
of the Blue Bell."

"Merry Scotland,"
quotha! Where is
"merry" Scotland
now, when such
things are done in
the land of Scots as
the thing hereunder
related in a piece
from the Morning
Post ? —

"No more Cakes

<?2-—' -_^~^T ^ and Ale.—A curious

"~ time-honoured custom

has been put down

by the police, aided by Forbes Mackenzie, in the village of East Kilbride.
For many years past it has been looked upon as a kind of ' use and
wont' practice to supply the church-going people from the country round
East Kilbride with scones and 'yill' during the interval of public worship on
Sacrament Sundays. The police, about the end of the year, went round and
warned all the publicans that they would not be allowed to entertain the
country people as usual on the Sacrament Sundays after that time. One pub-
lican ventured to disregard the prohibition on Sunday, the 28th of April, and
on Monday was fined at the Hamilton Justice of Peace Court."

If Scotland is still the land of cakes, it is the land of cakes without
ale—on Sundays. It will soon, perhaps, be without ale on any day.

Viva la libertd ! Freedom for ever in merry Scotland, merry as
free ! Never so merry since when it answered to the report in

Macbeth :—■

"Alas! poor country,
Almost afraid to know itself! It cannot
Be called our country, but our grave; where nothing,
But who knows nothing, is once seen to smile."

How can any one smile in a land of slaves ? What but a land of
slaves is a land subject to the tyranny of a Forbes Mackenzie's
Act ? An Act of Parliament may be just as tyrannical as the edict
of a tyrant; and an Act, empowering the police to prevent the
people of Scotland from being served with ale on a Sunday, is.
" Soots, wha hae wi' Wallace bled," indeed ! What is the good of
having bled with Wallace, or Bruce either, if that is what they
have come to ? " Edward, chains, and slavery ! " never could have
been worse than that; and the descendants of those who were ready
to " lay the proud usurper low," tamely submit to it. Instead of

" Freemen stand or freemen fa',"
they are now in case to sing

" Slavies, abjec' slavies, a'."

If ever liberty was worth fighting for, the liberty still worth it is
personal liberty in such matters as eating or drinking ; the liberty
which the natural right of enjoying, untrammelled, distinguishes a
man from a baby. The majority which robs a minority of that
liberty, goes as far as any despot the most outrageous could, to
j ustify civil war. Take care what you are about, gentlemen of the
compulsory Teetotal and Sabbatarian Platform !

defeat of any Bill you may be invited to enact in order that any one
of those pleasant lanes yet existing may be abolished by the specu-
lative or any other builder.

AIR-PASSAGES OF LONDON.

The following extract from a Times1 leading article on the holi-
day of Whit Monday, is noteworthy :—

''Holiday-makers yesterday were everywhere domestic in their enjoyment.
The father had not gone out for a day's revel leaving his wife and children at
home, but whole families, with the babies in arms, were strolling through the
lanes of the suburbs. It was surprising to notice the extreme enjoyment
which was evidently afforded by this very simple pleasure."

Note, therefore, that the preservation of the suburban lanes is a
matter of importance to other people besides the suburban popu-
lation. The importance of those lanes is just the same as that of the
Parks. Please bear this in mind, Honourable Gentlemen, as many
of you as may have any opportunity of contributing a vote to the

A PLEA FOR A FEMALE PARLIAMENT.

V

Excellent Mr. Punch,

Skimming recently the cream of a provincial newspaper, I
came across this paragraph, which possibly may interest some of
your fair readers:—

" In the seventeenth century a law was in force in England that ' all
women of whatever age, rank, profession, or degree, that shall from and
after this Act impose upon, seduce and betray into matrimony any of His
Majesty's male subjects, by scents, paints, cosmetics, washes, artificial
teeth, false hair, Spanish wool, iron stays, hoops, high-heeled shoes, or
bolstered hips, shall incur the penalty of the laws against witchcraft, sorcery,
and the like, and the marriage, upon conviction, shall stand null and void.' "

I know not if this singular old law has been repealed, though I
presume it must have been so, or what work for the police there
would be daily in our parks and other places of assemblage!
Beauties without paint there are doubtless still to see, and straight-
way fall in love with: but how many a tinted Venus shows her
roses at our flower-shows, and how many a high-souled lady adds
a high heel to her stature! As for false hair, that is now so com-
monly displayed, that lovers rarely venture to ask for a true love
lock: and though iron stays have been improved into steel corsets,
the progress of two centuries has not yet abolished the practice of
tight-lacing.

As, then, fashions still exist, which, two hundred years ago, were
prohibited as witchcraft, it can hardly be alleged that the fashion-
able world has materially advanced in the matter of its clothing.
Nor, apparently, has sumptuary lawmaking proved of much avail in
checking feminine extravagance. The case, however, might be
different, if women had the making of laws affecting women ; and
since many ladies now are wishful to have votes, and perchance, too,
seats in Parliament, here surely is a subject on which they might
produce some useful legislation. Or, as the admission of feminiDe
M.P.'s might possibly derange our present representatives, it might
perhaps be well to start a female House of Commons—or, shall I
rather say, Uncommons?—wherein such matters as the fashions
might be properly debated. When one reflects upon the time which
ladies waste in dressing, and the monstrous heaps of money which
they annually spend upon their personal adornment, the fashions
hardly can be deemed an unimportant subject, and it is certainly
one suited for feminine debates. These being reported pretty fully
in the newspapers, would be read with lively interest by womankind
at large, and would tend gradually to free them from the thraldom
of the dressmakers, to whose influence we chiefly owe the fooleries of
fashion and the costliness of clothes.

I vote, then, for a House of Ladies to decide the shape of bonnets
and the way of wearing the back hair; and 1 would humbly recom-
mend that the first rule of the Speaeeress be that not more than
six Members be allowed to speak at once.

Tours, in expectation,

The Hermitage, Tuesday. Solomon Solon Smith.

THE LIBERTY OF THE LETTER-BOX.

An Englishman's house is his castle, is it P But how about his
letter-box ? A castle calls one back to the fine old feudal times.
Now, imagine Baron Front de Bceuf pestered by prospectuses!
Conceive the " King Maker " at home, and bothered by cheap circu-
lars ! How would the temper of those Britons have borne the daily,
well nigh hourly, bombardment of their doors, to which we English-
men who live in our own castles are now subject ? Invest a shilling
in a bank, or any other public company, and straightway you are
pounced on as a sheep that's fit for fleecing. Prospectuses of rail-
ways to the pole, and mines to the antipodes, and tunnels to America,
and telegraphs to the moon, are showered down upon you by
every passing postman, and your life is made a burden by the
banging of your door-knocker. Then come the tradesmen's circu-
lars, the puffs of Begum Pickles, and Wagga Wagga Waistcoats,
and Reversible Shirts and Envelopes. Then, too, come the notices
of pretended sellings off of swindling bankrupts' stock, whereat
what is chiefly sold is usually the purchaser. And then in shoals
innumerable come the charity appeals, and the parsons' begging-
letters, which you are kindly to return, if you cannot even spare so
trifling a donation as a shillingsworth of stamps. That this is a free
country one clearly cannot doubt, while people are permitted to
make free in this manner with other people's property; for, after
all, a letter-box is surely the property of the person who puts it on
his door, although any other persons seem to think themselves at
liberty to do anything they please with it.