Punch (68.1875)

Febhwary 6, 1875.]

PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

63

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BRING UP A CHILD,” &C.

Ethel. “ I wonder why Adam and Eve were turned out of Paradise ?'
Jack (the Squire’s Son). “ P’raps they Shot a Fox ! ”

VIVA L’lTALIA! VITA GARIBALDI
YIYA IL RE!

Viva I?Italia ! Not to zero
Has sunk thy light heart’s flame,
While it has worship for a hero,

Though old, and poor, and lame.

Let loose tongue wag, or idle pen,

Sound at the core, thou prizest
The single-heartedest of men,

And so, p’raps, the unwisest.

For Rome he spent himself, his wife ;

Well Rome for him may wear a
Heart on her sleeve, who gave her life—
The old Lion of Caprera!

And never was more welcome roar,

Than when, with Lion voice,

In face of Italy he swore

Faith to the King, her choice.

Bitter thoughts from him he can flin g—
Mentana, Aspromonte,

Gaeta’s cell—to Rome and King
Returning, sud sponte.

Italia Una, fair and free,

Blesses her noblest scion,

Stooping her fond head to thy knee—■
Caprera’s grey old Lion !

The Bottle Conjuror Outdone.

Punch’s excellent old, ever young friend,
George Cruikshank — Esto perpetuus—
has put forth a second edition of his
“Bottle,” about half the size of the first
issue, hut from the original etchings. It
is, in fact, a pint instead of a quart bottle,
hut the lesser contains as much flavour and
spirit as the larger measure. George
heats the original “ Bottle-Conjuror.” He
has put himself first into a quart, and now
into a pint bottle ! Bravo, George !

Cape Diamonds.—Far above Rudery’s.

doubtless, duly respect. And if they did not, there is a gentleman
of my acquaintance who would very soon make them. I need hardly
say that I allude to my humane, benevolent, redoubtable, and
puissant friend, Mr. Punch. [ Colloquy terminates.

ANOTHER EXHIBITION OF OLD MASTERS.

The winter display at the Royal Academy having proved very
attractive, it is in contemplation to organise a rival exhibition of a
similar character. In this instance the collection will be composed
of venerable persons, instead of ancient paintings. Should the idea
come to anything, the following eminent “ Old Masters ” are pretty
safe to have prominent places in the very best rooms of the building.

General Sir Hector Pipeclay, G.C.B., 8fc. 8fc. Celebrated
Warrior. Aged eighty-five. Size, five feet four inches long bv three
feet broad. Believes in stiff stocks, and prefers the Brown Bess to
the Martini-Henry. Recognises no battle of more recent date than
1815, and considers Moltke a very flippant youngster full of new-
fangled notions. Can not understand why recruiting should flag
when the inmates, of Her Majesty’s gaols are at the service of the
nation. Is of opinion that the Service has long been going to the
Doose. Would hang all the newspaper fellows during a peace,
and shoot ’em, by Jove, in the time of war. Hates civilians;
and reads nothing but the supplements to the london Gazette
and the Monthly Army list.

Admiral Sir Drake Woodenhead, G.C.B., fyc. 8rc.. Naval
Worthy. Aged ninety-three. Size, five feet seven inches long by
eighteen inches broad. Believes confidently in the Wooden
Walls of old England. Thinks that as Miscount Nelson won
the Battle of Trafalgar aboard the Victory, an iron-clad can
never be of any real service in a sea-fight. Believes that the Cat
should be constantly administered to all ranks junior to that of a
Second Lieutenant. Would be prepared to take the chief command
of the Channel Fleet, at five minutes’ notice, on the condition being
granted that he should have the right of yard-arming any, or all
of the civilian Lords of the Admiralty in cases of necessity. Never
writes, and for many years has forgotten how to read.

Squire John Broadacres, until 1832 M.P. for the County of
Ciayshire. Politician and land-owner. Aged eighty-four. Con-
siders that the nation has never recovered from the abolition of Pro-
tection. Ascribes to the introduction of Free Trade the following
evils, Fenianism, Home Rule, Garotting, Wife-kicking, Gout, and
the Pope. Would hang in a body without trial the whole of the
Trade Hnionists. Regards Mr. Disraeli as a rank Radical, and
Earl Russell as the Representative of Advanced Republicanism.
Hates machinery and chemistry, and believes in old-fashioned
farming. Thinks that labourers’ cottages were incapable of im-
provement in 1825. Writes long letters to his great grandson
upon the subject of family etiquette, and reads with much diligence
the back numbers of the late Morning Herald.

Abernethy Pillbox, Esq., M.D. 8fc.,_ fyc. Famous Surgeon.
Aged ninety-one. Thinks that every disease should be treated
either with the lancet or the knife. Has no belief in anaesthetics,
or any such cowardly quackery. Believes that a patient should
be told the most painful facts in the bluntest possible language.
Claims the entire pauper population for the Hospital Dissecting
Room. Writes daily never-to-be-published letters to the Times,
and regards the lancet and the British Medical Journal as the curses
of the profession.

Garrick Shakespeare Dryden Johnson Growler, Esq. Well-
known Tragedian. Aged eighty-seven. Believes that no piece
worthy of production on the boards has been written since the
School for Scandal. Has never known a man who could play the
part of Romeo as it should be played under the age of fifty, with
the single exception of himself—he assumed the character for
the first time when he was only seven-and-forty. Thinks that a
line of blank verse should take, at the least, five minutes in delivery.
Has never heard of Mr. Henry Irving, but thinks he remembers
the name of a young beginner called Macready. Is quite sure
that the mirror held up to nature should be made of magni-
fying glass of extra power. To explain his meaning with greater
conciseness, he is quite prepared to play a round of his favourite
parts at either the Lane or the Garden. However, if he under
took this task (an extremely arduous one) he would, of course,
expect a sufficient consideration.