DOI issue:
March 13, 1875
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16940#0119
March 13, 1875.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Hi
i
Justice, claimed the protection of the House, declared he would
shake off calumnies “as the lion shakes off dew-drops from his
mane ”—and then suddenly changed the irrepressible guffaw that
greeted this Miltonic image into a hearty cheer by his well-planned
peroration:—
“ I knew and expected that I should have to face a great deal of prejudice,
hut I trust and believe that before many months have elapsed I shall show
Honourable Members that I am not deserving of that prejudice, and I shall
never do anything calculated to make a single Member ashamed of my com-
panionship.”
Then the House got into the mazes of the Army Exchanges Bill,
in which it wandered for the rest of the night in a delightful state
of exasperating contradiction on every point in connection with
the Bill, its causes and its consequences, the dangers of it, the
demand for it, its effects on the prospects of rich and poor men
in the Army, the efficiency of regiments, and the feelings of privates.
Punch can only admit helplessly that he
“Finds no clue, in wandering mazes lost.”
The Bill was read a Second Time by 282 to 186, after better speeches
from Mb. Goschen, Sib Henry Havelock, and Sib W. Habcoubt
against, than any made for, it. If Mr. Punch is asked his opinion,
he prefers referring questioners to this week’s Cartoon.
A WARNING.
“ The attempt to poison the Baroda Commissioner could hardly
be considered a piece of Phayre play; although Serjeant Bal-
lantine might argue that it was only a jest on the part of a noto-
rious joker (Guicowar).”
There!
This is a specimen, and not by any means an aggravated one, of
the sort of thing Punch has had to put up with, by the score, daily,
since the beginning of the Baroda business.
Can our readers wonder that we hereby give notice that any
idiots, after this warning, sending us a pun on the name of
Colonel Phayre, Sebgeant Ballantine, or the accused potentate,
whether by his name, Mtjlhar-Rao, his title, Guicowar, or his
dominion, Baroda, will be proceeded against with the utmost rigour
of the law.
We don’t know what that “ utmost rigour ” may be, but we feel
it ought to be very terrible indeed in the case of outrages like this.
Considering the hard measure lately meted out to offenders of the
Press, we cannot but think that such offenders against the Press as
the perpetrators of offences like the above would be heavily mulcted
by any intelligent jury.
Superfluous Institutions.
The writer of a recent article of the Daily News on French mad-
houses expresses astonishment that there are only three Government
Asylums in the Department of the Seine. And three too many we
should say. Would it not be better to transfer even these three,
as soon as possible to the Department of the Insane ?
MATTER EOR CONSIDERATION.
{A Dramatised Report—in part verbatim.)
Scene — A Government Office. To Pbesident op the Local
Government Boabd (Secretary and Chief Sanitary Inspector
in attendance) enter Deputation.
Introducer. Permit us, Sir, to call your attention to the dangerous
condition of the Regent’s Canal. It receives all the sewage of the
Zoological Gardens, and much of that of the neighbouring houses.
People committing suicide in this sewage die sooner, being poisoned,
than those who drown themselves in pure water. Dr. Bartlett
here, our analyst, has analysed the Regent’s Canal water, and finds it
worse than the Thames water at London Bridge.
President. I have paid the greatest attention to your statements,
and do not for a moment question the analysis of Dr. Bartlett.
The question is as to the power of the Local Government Board in
the matter.
Introducer. Matter most foul—matter in the wrong place.
President. Yery true. It quite answers to Palmerston’s definition
of dirt. Certainly, the Regent’s Canal is not the right place for
such matter. But “we have really nothing to do with the sewage
question, which is one rather for the Metropolitan Board of
Works.”
Member of Deputation. They appear to be so busy in making new
streets and removing ancient landmarks that they have no time to
give to the removal of nuisances.
President. Ah, nuisances ! True. As I was saying, we have
nothing to do with the sewage question. “In case of nuisance,
however, proving injurious to health, that is another question, and
may require consideration.”
Member. Sir, we are very glad to hear you say so.
President. Yes, Sir. “The local authorities of St. Pancras are
the primary authorities in the matter.”
Member. In the wrong place, please remember.
President. Ha, ha ! Yes, in the wrong place. Good again. “But
if they failed in their duty, then it might be that the Local Govern-
ment Board could interfere; but that question requires considera-
tion.'-’
Member. May we entreat you, Sir, to be so considerate as to give
it the earliest and most serious consideration you can ?
President. Sir, you may. “ It certainly does appear that the
Yestrv of St. Pancras could remedy the evils complained of. It is
their duty to do so. As to the petition which has been spoken of in
reference to the Pollution of Streams Bill, that is a separate matter.”
Member. In the right place, I hope, Sir, that matter.
President. Sir, I hope so too. “I will, however, consider the
whole matter, and communicate with you as to how far the Local
Government Board can interfere in the matter, the importance of
which must be admitted.”
Member. May we gather from that admission, Sir, that the matter
will not be allowed to stay where it is ? The offensive matter, we
mean, Sir, in the Regent’s Canal.
President. I understand. The matter, that is, the sewage in the
Regent’s Canal, the offensive matter, the noxious matter, the matter
which poisons the people who try to drown themselves, and you
justly fear will poison a great many more—the matter in question
requires, and shall, you may confidently assure yourselves, receive,
I do not hesitate to repeat, once for all, every consideration.
Member. And may we hope a little cleansing ? Awaiting which,
allow us, Sir, to thank you for the consideration with which you
have so courteously replied to our appeal for rescue at the hands
of Government from this pestilent matter.
President. Gentlemen, you do me honour. Your most obedient
servant to command in any matter that requires—consideration.
Good morning, Gentlemen.
\_Bowing the Deputation out. President, Secretary, and
Chief Inspector place their fingers to their noses, and
wink at each other.—Scene closes.
Law and Leather.
It is notorious that the wills of some of our most eminent lawyers,
of their own making, have been so ill-made as to necessitate litiga-
tion, and not a few of them to have to be set aside. And now,
of all great luminaries, Lord St. Leonards dies without leaving
any will at all behind him, at least any will that can be found.
The surviving relations of a deceased lawyer appear to be gene-
rally, in testamentary affairs, of all people left the worst off for
law. But is not the shoemaker’s wife proverbially always the
worst-shod woman in the parish ?
Sweet and Silvery Title for a City Love-Song.—“ Emma
Mine ! Emma Mine ! ”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Hi
i
Justice, claimed the protection of the House, declared he would
shake off calumnies “as the lion shakes off dew-drops from his
mane ”—and then suddenly changed the irrepressible guffaw that
greeted this Miltonic image into a hearty cheer by his well-planned
peroration:—
“ I knew and expected that I should have to face a great deal of prejudice,
hut I trust and believe that before many months have elapsed I shall show
Honourable Members that I am not deserving of that prejudice, and I shall
never do anything calculated to make a single Member ashamed of my com-
panionship.”
Then the House got into the mazes of the Army Exchanges Bill,
in which it wandered for the rest of the night in a delightful state
of exasperating contradiction on every point in connection with
the Bill, its causes and its consequences, the dangers of it, the
demand for it, its effects on the prospects of rich and poor men
in the Army, the efficiency of regiments, and the feelings of privates.
Punch can only admit helplessly that he
“Finds no clue, in wandering mazes lost.”
The Bill was read a Second Time by 282 to 186, after better speeches
from Mb. Goschen, Sib Henry Havelock, and Sib W. Habcoubt
against, than any made for, it. If Mr. Punch is asked his opinion,
he prefers referring questioners to this week’s Cartoon.
A WARNING.
“ The attempt to poison the Baroda Commissioner could hardly
be considered a piece of Phayre play; although Serjeant Bal-
lantine might argue that it was only a jest on the part of a noto-
rious joker (Guicowar).”
There!
This is a specimen, and not by any means an aggravated one, of
the sort of thing Punch has had to put up with, by the score, daily,
since the beginning of the Baroda business.
Can our readers wonder that we hereby give notice that any
idiots, after this warning, sending us a pun on the name of
Colonel Phayre, Sebgeant Ballantine, or the accused potentate,
whether by his name, Mtjlhar-Rao, his title, Guicowar, or his
dominion, Baroda, will be proceeded against with the utmost rigour
of the law.
We don’t know what that “ utmost rigour ” may be, but we feel
it ought to be very terrible indeed in the case of outrages like this.
Considering the hard measure lately meted out to offenders of the
Press, we cannot but think that such offenders against the Press as
the perpetrators of offences like the above would be heavily mulcted
by any intelligent jury.
Superfluous Institutions.
The writer of a recent article of the Daily News on French mad-
houses expresses astonishment that there are only three Government
Asylums in the Department of the Seine. And three too many we
should say. Would it not be better to transfer even these three,
as soon as possible to the Department of the Insane ?
MATTER EOR CONSIDERATION.
{A Dramatised Report—in part verbatim.)
Scene — A Government Office. To Pbesident op the Local
Government Boabd (Secretary and Chief Sanitary Inspector
in attendance) enter Deputation.
Introducer. Permit us, Sir, to call your attention to the dangerous
condition of the Regent’s Canal. It receives all the sewage of the
Zoological Gardens, and much of that of the neighbouring houses.
People committing suicide in this sewage die sooner, being poisoned,
than those who drown themselves in pure water. Dr. Bartlett
here, our analyst, has analysed the Regent’s Canal water, and finds it
worse than the Thames water at London Bridge.
President. I have paid the greatest attention to your statements,
and do not for a moment question the analysis of Dr. Bartlett.
The question is as to the power of the Local Government Board in
the matter.
Introducer. Matter most foul—matter in the wrong place.
President. Yery true. It quite answers to Palmerston’s definition
of dirt. Certainly, the Regent’s Canal is not the right place for
such matter. But “we have really nothing to do with the sewage
question, which is one rather for the Metropolitan Board of
Works.”
Member of Deputation. They appear to be so busy in making new
streets and removing ancient landmarks that they have no time to
give to the removal of nuisances.
President. Ah, nuisances ! True. As I was saying, we have
nothing to do with the sewage question. “In case of nuisance,
however, proving injurious to health, that is another question, and
may require consideration.”
Member. Sir, we are very glad to hear you say so.
President. Yes, Sir. “The local authorities of St. Pancras are
the primary authorities in the matter.”
Member. In the wrong place, please remember.
President. Ha, ha ! Yes, in the wrong place. Good again. “But
if they failed in their duty, then it might be that the Local Govern-
ment Board could interfere; but that question requires considera-
tion.'-’
Member. May we entreat you, Sir, to be so considerate as to give
it the earliest and most serious consideration you can ?
President. Sir, you may. “ It certainly does appear that the
Yestrv of St. Pancras could remedy the evils complained of. It is
their duty to do so. As to the petition which has been spoken of in
reference to the Pollution of Streams Bill, that is a separate matter.”
Member. In the right place, I hope, Sir, that matter.
President. Sir, I hope so too. “I will, however, consider the
whole matter, and communicate with you as to how far the Local
Government Board can interfere in the matter, the importance of
which must be admitted.”
Member. May we gather from that admission, Sir, that the matter
will not be allowed to stay where it is ? The offensive matter, we
mean, Sir, in the Regent’s Canal.
President. I understand. The matter, that is, the sewage in the
Regent’s Canal, the offensive matter, the noxious matter, the matter
which poisons the people who try to drown themselves, and you
justly fear will poison a great many more—the matter in question
requires, and shall, you may confidently assure yourselves, receive,
I do not hesitate to repeat, once for all, every consideration.
Member. And may we hope a little cleansing ? Awaiting which,
allow us, Sir, to thank you for the consideration with which you
have so courteously replied to our appeal for rescue at the hands
of Government from this pestilent matter.
President. Gentlemen, you do me honour. Your most obedient
servant to command in any matter that requires—consideration.
Good morning, Gentlemen.
\_Bowing the Deputation out. President, Secretary, and
Chief Inspector place their fingers to their noses, and
wink at each other.—Scene closes.
Law and Leather.
It is notorious that the wills of some of our most eminent lawyers,
of their own making, have been so ill-made as to necessitate litiga-
tion, and not a few of them to have to be set aside. And now,
of all great luminaries, Lord St. Leonards dies without leaving
any will at all behind him, at least any will that can be found.
The surviving relations of a deceased lawyer appear to be gene-
rally, in testamentary affairs, of all people left the worst off for
law. But is not the shoemaker’s wife proverbially always the
worst-shod woman in the parish ?
Sweet and Silvery Title for a City Love-Song.—“ Emma
Mine ! Emma Mine ! ”