Punch: Punch (76.1879)

U PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 25, 1879.

FAMILY PRIDE.

Street Arab. "They couldn't take my Father up like that—it takes
Six-P'licemen to Hun 'im in ! "

DIRECTORS' BALM OP GILEAD.

Great General North-Hast and Great Western Terminus, London Bridge,
Waterloo Road, Bishopsgate Street Without.

Circular No. 2,037.

The Directors of the Great Gr. N. E. and G. W. Railway Company having
given full and careful consideration, to the numerous complaints which have
reached them, through both public and private channels, of shortcomings in
the management of the Lines under their control, as well as the able repre-
sentations to the same effect of many eminently respectable deputations, feel it
their duty to acknowledge that these complaints and representations have very
considerable foundation in fact.

They are reluctantly compelled to admit, what it would be idle to deny, that
irregularity in the arrival of trains is the rule, and that this irregularity is
invariably on the wrong side.

That preventible accidents are frequent, owing largely to overhours and
short-handedness on their lines; to deficiency in brake-power and machinery,
and objectionable construction of carriage-steps and platforms ;

That station and carriage accommodation are in many respects insufficient;
and, lastly,

That fares once raised, are never, to the best of the Directors' knowledge,
brought down again.

The Directors feel further bound to admit, that season-ticket holders, in
particular, have good reason for dissatisfaction with the rise in the price of their
tickets ;

"While, as regards other grounds of complaint, too numerous to particularise,
they have no hesitation in allowing that passengers have not been treated with
the consideration they might not unreasonably think they had a right to expect
for their money.

They trust that these candid admissions will show how ready the Directors
are at all times to consider and investigate all reasonable complaints and well-
substantiated charges.

Under these circumstances they feel that there is but one course now open
to the Directors.

They hasten to take it.

Mere promises of amendment, it is felt by the Directors,
would be at once embarrassing and undignified, and
would only end in difficulty to the Directors and dis-
appointment to the public.

The Directors have come to the conclusion that the
case can be more satisfactorily met by an expression of
sympathy on their part. They, therefore, hereby beg
leave to express, their sincere sympathy with the public
under annoyances caused by circumstances over which
they, the Directors, like the public, have no control.

(Signed) Smoother, Secretary.

"WE SHOULD BE SEVEN."

(Adapted, with apologies to the shade of Wordsivorth.)

"The truth is (said the Lord Chief Justice) that this
Winter Assize has brought the whole of our proceedings into a
state of confusion.

"Mr. Serjeant Parry asked in what way the Court was
going to proceed—as to the order of business.

"The Lord Chief Justice.—Upon my word, I have not
myself the most distant idea.

" Mr. Waddy, Q.C.—May I ask whether there will be any
Nisi Prius sittings ?

"The Lord Chief Justice.—That, I may say, is perfectly
impossible. My brother Hawkins has to go to the Central
Criminal Court ou Monday, and has to leave for circuit on
Wednesday. There will then be only two Judges available—my
brother Pollock and myself—to sit in Court, as my brother
Field will be at Chambers (Mr. Justice Lush and the new
Judge, Sir Fitzjames Stephen, being occupied on the Criminal
Law Commission). Therefore, Nisi Prius sittings would be
impossible.

" Mr. Waddy said that this, even though it was only negative
information, was of some value in the present state of chaos.

"The Lord Chief Justice.—Meanwhile I find that the
arrears in the Courts are such as to require the constant sitting
of the Court in banc ; but there are only two Judges available,
and the Nisi Prius sittings must be suspended for six weeks
though there are 850 causes entered for trial."— Sittings in
Banc, Queen''s Bench Division.

-A legal Sage,

"Who '11 blaze up with a breath,
And thinks the Bench is sat upon,
And rides his griefs to death.
******

I met a Judge, of Judges pearl—

So everybody said—
His wig was thick with many a curl,

That clustered round his head.

He had a testy, reasty * air :

In silk robes he was clad;
His patience spare, and very spare?,

Its shortness made me sad.

" You and your brothers, here arrayed,

How many mote you be ?,"
"How many ? Seven, at least," he said,

And fiercely scowled at me.

" How seven ? Are two upon the shelf ? "

"Seven," said he, " there should be;
Here's Brother Pollock and myself,

And Brother Field at C,

And Brother Hawkins, Circuit-owed,

And Brothers Lush and Ste-
phen tink'ring at the Criminal Code,—

And that's the lot, you see! "

" You are two here, at Chambers one,

At Codifying two;
You sum up seven ? It can't be done,

That sum, not e'en by you."

Then did that testy Judge reply—

" Seven. Don't you talk to me;
With less than seven no Nisi Pri-

-us sittings shall we see."

" Then how will Courts and Causes fit P"

" Pray what is that to me ?
In chaos of arrears I sit,

That cleared at once should be."

* Stubborn. Used of a horse that backs against its tec?,
North Country Glossary.