Punch: Punch (76.1879)

January 25, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

35

"Nay, should have been—they may be seen"-

Tbat testy Judge replied—
" Behind the door—six sheets and more

Of cause-lists side by side!

" My brows before them oft I knit,

With many a pshaw and hem,
And often feel disposed to sit,

And scold in front of them!

"(And often when the sitting's up,

And the Court "set all square,
1 squeeze the bitter in my cup,

And sip it slowly there.

".There's brother Field in Chambers staid,

And better so, say I,
By wild attorneys' clerks though bayed,

That fight all ways but shy.

" Of Lush's work I should be fain,

And Stephen's—it seems play,
Making the Criminal Law again

As good as new, they say.

'^Hawkins on circuit's free to go,

And here let chaos slide ;
And brother Pollock's temper's slow,

He can arrears abide."

" How many are you, then ? " said I,

'' If their four hells are heaven
Compared to yours p " He made reply,

" You say five—i~say seven."

" You 're five, you said—with you for head—

But five—including Stephen."
'Twas throwing words away, for still

That testy Judge would have his will,
"Five, but we should be seven!"

Building Up and Keeping Down.

Aetee studying Professor Seeley's Life of Stein—the
corner-stone of the Prussian Constitutional edifice—the
great Statesman who regenerated Prussia after the First
Napoleon's attempt to crush out its national life under
bis heel; and then thinking over what Prince Bismarck
has done, first to consolidate, and now to control, Germany,
Punch is struck by one thought—that if Germany, in
her distress, is asking for bread, Prince Bismarck, at
least, is not the man to give her a " Stein."

better a word than a blow.

The German Press is very sore at the English com-
ments on the Bismarck Parliamentary Discipline Bill.
Better be sore under the sting of British comments than
under the lash of Bismarck's Discipline.

A SLIGHT MISTAKE.

" Well, Not.se, did you find your way all right to St. James's Hall ? "
"Yes, thank you, Sir."

"And how did you like the Christy Minstrels V

"Well, i was rather disappinted, Sir! There was one of them as
played on the ylolingshenner beautiful, while three others kep' on
fiddlin' as i thought they 'd never leave off j and then a gentleman
up and sang, and then a lady played on the plhanner. but none of
their Faces was blacked ! "

[ With Mr. Punch's apologies to Messrs. Joachim, Zerbini, Hies, Piatti, and others.

EXAMINATION PAPER EOR PARLIAMENTARY

CANDIDATES.

{In Preparation for the next General Election.)

1. What is the first preliminary to offering yourself as' a candi-
date for Parliament P

2. Having appointed an agent, define, as summarily as you can,
your duties to him, and his to you.

3. Describe the process of organising an " influential deputation"
of free and independent electors.

4. State briefly the manner of receiving such a "deputation,"
applicable to different styles of reception—(o) Modest, (6) Cocky,
(c) Serious, (d) Facetious, in answer to the request that you will allow
yourself to be brought forward as a Candidate for Parliamentary
honours?—(a) Liberal and Anti-Jingo, (b) High Jingo and Im-
perialist, (c) Neutral and Safe.

5. Draw up an Address to the electors in each of the above three
characters enumerated in last question. State (symbolically) the
proportions which in each of such addresses local should bear to Im-
perial questions. Dispose of British Policy at home and abroad in
two sentences, of four lines each—(a) From the Right Honourable
W. E. Gladstone's point of view, (6) from the Eight Honourable
Earl of Beaconsfleld's, (c) from your own.

6. What would you consider a reasonable charge per line, for the
insertion of such Address in the columns of the local journals ?

7. Give, in totals, the expenses of bill-posting per square mile of
hoarding ? How many dozen board-men, per mile of street, would
you consider sufficient for the proper dissemination of your political
opinions ?

8. How would you conciliate the following interests—(a) the
Licensed Victuallers, {b) the "Working Men," (c) the Retail Shop-
keepers, (d) the Home-Rulers, (e) the Nonconformists, (/) the
Church-TJnion, (g) the Women's-Rights-men and women?

9. Denounce in effective language for the hustings the Per-
missive Bill and the Civil Service Stores.

10. Describe in outline the duties and rights of a Committee.

11. In what proportion of public-houses to popidation are rooms
required for the proper performance of these duties, and the proper
enjoyment of these rights ?

12. Describe the various modes of canvassing. How would you
proceed with (a) a leading vestryman; (b) a strong-minded female ;
and (c) a baby in arms ?

13. Give in algebraic symbols the amount of pressure which will
render it incumbent on a candidate (a) to shake hands with a
chimney-sweep; {b) to partake of five o'clock tea in the back par-
lour of a leading undertaker.

14. In what proportion should you subscribe to the following local
institutions :—The Hospital, the Racecourse, the Regatta, the Town
Ball, the Artisans' Toast-and-Water-Mutual-Improvement Society,
and the Ladies' Cough-Lozenges-f or-the-Indigent-Deserving Fund ?