Punch: Punch (76.1879)

36 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 25, 1879.

15. How many rooms would you engage in the Party Hotel for
the.election, and what would you be prepared to pay for them ?

16. How would you treat an elector if he called upon you sud-
denly at your London Club ?

17. If returned, how many irrelevant questions would you under-
take to ask in the House, and. how many superfluous returns to move
for in the course of a Session ?

18. Express algebraically how disagreeable you are prepared to
make yourself to the Government or the Opposition as the case
may be.

19. And, last and most important of all—can you produce a
really satisfactory banker's balance, in proof of the soundness of
your opinions ?

THE CIVILEST KILKENNY CATS.

A Striking Correspondence.

Peabody Buildings, Block A 1.

December 1, 18—.

My Deae Sie,

his comes, asking your
pardon for troubling you
with a letter upon rather
an unpleasant subject; but
my duty to my wife, chil-
dren, and my thousand
mates, also in your em-
ployment, forces me to
break in upon your pri-
vacy.

I write to ask, on behalf
of myself and mates afore-
said, for a rise to £2 a week
all round.

Trusting that you and
your esteemed family are
m the enjoyment of per-
fect health, I remain
Yours most respectfully,
(Signed)

A. woekingman.

M. Ployee, Esq.

Swellington Park.
December 3, 18—.

My Good Feiend,
Theee was no oc-
casion to apologise to me.
I am always delighted to hear from the good fellows I am happy
enough to be able to employ. You do not do yourself justice, when
you call the subject of wages an "unpleasant" one.

In reply to your request, and that of your mates conveyed through
you, for a rise to £2 a week all round, I can only say that I sincerely
wish that you may get the money you seem to desire. At present,
however, I regret that I do not see my way to helping you in the
way you wish.

Hoping that your wife, your little ones, and all your mates, are
well and happy, I remain

Yours most truly,
Mr. Woekingman. {Signed) M. Ployee.

Peabody Buildings, Block A 1.
My Deae Sie, December 10th, 18—.

Having taken counsel with my wife, my children, and my
thousand mates late in your employment, I am glad to inform you
that we have come to the conclusion that it will be advisable to give
up work for a short time, until you see your way to give us a rise
to £2 a week all round.

Trusting that this will cause you no inconvenience, I remain, with
grateful regards and compliments to your esteemed family,

Yours most respectfully,
M. Ployee, Esq. (Signed) A. Woekingman.

Swellington Park,
My Good Feiend, December, 18th, 18—.

Many thanks for your very courteous letter. I write to
tell you that I have consulted with my friends in the same line of
business, and that we have decided to lock out not only you and
your thousand mates, but something like a quarter of a million of
your and their mates in the same way of business.

Trusting that this will cause you no inconvenience, and with many
kind wishes for all the members of your and your mates' home circles,

Believe me,

Me. "Woekingman. (Signed) M. Ployee.

The Workhouse,
My Dear Sie, Christmas Day, 18—.

I weite tortelkyou that circumstances over which'I have
no control have forced me to give up my old nicely-furnished rooms.
This letter is headed with my new address.
Still I cannot help wishing you a Merry Christmas.

Yours most respectfully,
M. Ployee, Esq. (Signed) A. Woekingman.

Back Parlour, 22 Araminta Villas, East.
My Good Feiend, January 1st, 18—.

Yon are very kind to think of me in these trying times. As
we have been obliged (for reasons of a pecuniary character) to give
up Swellington Park, and are in the confusion of moving to our new
residence, you must not expect a long letter. Yet let me say^a
Happy New Year to you and yours.

Yours most sincerely,
Me. Woekingman. (Signed) M. Ployee.

FIRE-WORKS AT WOKING.

The movement not long ago started to substitute " Cremation " for
interment appeared to have come to a standstill. But a " Cremation
Society " has been established, and is now actually in working order.
It is already in course of erecting, under the name of "Cremato-
rium," a regular " Bustum" at Woking. " Bustum " or "Cremato-
rium," which is the preferable term? Which will read the better
in advertisements and railway time-tables, "Woking Crematorium,"
or " Woking Bustum " ? The worst of " Bustum " is the disagree-
able sound suggestive of "busting up."

Whether destined, however, to be denominated " Crematorium " or
"Bustum," the Cremation Works at Woking are indignantly
denounced by the Vicar of that parish and by certain of his flock.
They appear to look upon Cremation as a burning shame, if not sin.
Strange to say, too, the London Necropolis Company has thought it
necessary to repudiate all art or part in the matter. The Secretary
declares, in the Times, that—

" The Necropolis Company in no degree favour such preparations as are
now being made in the vicinity of Woking for incinerating the dead. They
regard Cremation as the residents of the parish regard it—namely, with
abhorrence."

Naturally. In the sight of the Necropolis Company, and a business
point of view, one would think there could possibly grow no plant
more detestable than a Crematorium or a Bustum on Woking
Common; although, for the people in the neighbourhood, instead of
a poisonous plant, this would seem to be, on the contrary, distinctly
a hygienic one.

It seems superfluous of the Necropolis Company to disavow con-
nection with a Cremation Plant. But that plant happens to be
rearing its head on land which was formerly their own. Hence
the need to explain that—

"Itis true the land now in possession of the Cremation Society of London
originally belonged to the Company, but it was purchased from them in the
ordinary way, and they never once anticipated that by a second purchase it
would pass into the hands of the Cremation Society, to be used for a funeral
pyre. Had the Company had the faintest idea that the ground would be
conveyed to its present possessors, no inducement would have compelled
them to part with it."

But the world is more than wide enough at Woking for both the
Crematorium and the Necropolis. Persons looking forward to the
freedom of that subterranean City may be gratified by the assurance
that—

" The mode of interment now widely known as the Earth-to-Earth system,
strongly recommended some years since by Mr. Seymour Haden, in elo-
quent letters to the Times, is that which the London Necropolis Company
endeavour to carry out."

As to "Funeral Reform," in fact, the Company's views are
Liberal-Conservative. But they protest—

"The Company cannot countenance the disposal of the dead either by
burning or by subjection to the action of quick-lime."

No doubt quick-lime is as bad as Cremation, and both the one and
the other must be equally painful, at least when employed for the
decomposition of insensitive organic remains. Quick-lime is only
a sort of earth, a little more expeditious in its action than common
earth, even under the arrangements proposed by Mr. Seymotje
Haden. By the way, dear Mrs. Malapeop, confounding this
eminent Surgeon and excellent etcher, with the partisans of tire as
against earth, and giving him credit for something more in the
way of the Arts than he is quite entitled to, wishes to know when
the Sacred Harmonic Society are likely to perform Haden's Cre-
mation f

23>° To Correspondents.—The Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned unless accompanied by a

stamped and directed envelope. Copies should be kept.