Punch (90.1886)

114

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 6, 1886.

THE LAST NEW FAD. A REACTION FROM /ESTHETICS.

The,Professor. "Now, Ladies. Straight from the Shoulder, please!—and don't thy to Scratch—Vain't no good with
the Gloves on ! "

M. h Professeur. "Allons, Mademoiselle,—Vif la! Rompez—parade et riposte en quarte. Bon! Encore une fois la

feinte de seconde. hardi ! une, deusse, troisse ! fendez-vous bien,—parfait ! "

" PAS DE FASCINATION; "

OR, "WHICH IS IT TO DE?

"Which shall it "be? The fairMorleena's feet,

Nimble and neat,
Trip most enticingly in one direction.
The choice demands considerate circumspec-
tion,

And Madame Josephine,
Lithe, though a little lean,

Is a danseuse who's not to be derided.

Yet this new pirouettist who has glided,

Like a new planet, into people's ken,
Stirs every tongue and pen.

Her style is new, her steps are novel, very.
Toes

So swift as hers have scarce been seen since
Cerito's.

How they do twinkle! 'lis a most entrancing
Although a rather risque style of dancing.
Will he, the elderly yet alert Apollo,

Decide to follow
Her fascinating footing " all the way,"

As rival 'bus-touts say ?
Maturer Madame Josephine, who lately
Was thought a daring dasher, more sedately
Moves than of yore, less Nautchily in fact,
With pacings less exuberant, more exact.
She does not "take the floor," as once was
seen,

With the brisk confidence of a bright Colleen,
Quite ready for the liveliest Irish jig
That ever scandalised slow-footed Whig.
" The Kerry dancing," wild with Celtic joy,
Pathetically piped of by Molloy,

Seem less to lure her now, less stir to
pleasure,

Than native rustic measure
By "aught of oaten stop or pastoral quill,"
As Milton puts it, set to Jack and Jill

On English greens.
The second of the saltatory queens,
Morleena, seems "more Irish, and less nice,"

Less prejudiced, more plastic
In her selection for "the light fantastic."
The rival charmers pose and pirouette,
Wooing his favour who appears not yet
Definitively to have made his choice.

Which, which will win his voice ?

WHO'S TO FILL IT?

With a view to there being no doubt, in
future, as to the efficient discharge of his
duties by the New Commissioner of Police,
it is understood that the Authorities have
determined,

(1.) That the appointment shall be given
only to a distinguished General Officer, who
has held an important command in not less
than three Campaigns ;

(2.) That he will be expected to be well up
in the names of all the back-streets of the
Metropolis, and able to repeat off-hand the
printed list of fares _ from any given Cab-
stand within a six-mile radius from Charing
Cross ;

(3.) That he shall, even when off duty,
wear a full-dress uniform, consisting of a
policeman's tunic, life-guardsman's breast-

plate, silver laced cocked-hat, surmounted
with plume of ostrich-feathers, and carry
four loaded revolvers in his belt.

(4.) That he shall never, under any cir-
cumstances, appear in public except on
horseback.

(5.) That he shall be capable of assuming
any disguise at ten minutes' notice, and, if
called upon to do it, give colourable imita-
tions of all the popular Actors of the day,
and other well-known leading characters.

And, lastly, that in seasons of apprehended
tumult he shall place himself, en evidence, in
the middle of the crowd, at the head of a
full military band, accompanied by a couple
of Magistrates, reading the Riot Aet, and keep
the Home Secretary duly apprised of his move-
ments by telegraph every quarter of an hour.

Poor Canterbury Pilgrims "in a Wale."
—The Canterbury Board of Guardians, (so it
was reported) after a little discussion, have
determined, with a conscientious regard to pa-
rochial economy, on placingthe paupers in their
Union on half-rations of tobacco. Can this
statement be correct P If so, the Canter-
bury Board of Guardians must be regular
" screws "—of tobacco. A knotty hard Board
this at Canterbury, and one that ought to be
sat upon.

A propos of the Lodger-Franchise Bill,
Mrs. 11. calls Sir Julian Goldsmid a marvel-
lous Professor of Lodger-domain.