Punch (34.1858)

January 16, 1858.]

PUNCH, OH THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

29

COMIC COMMERCIAL INTELLIGENCE.

he trade reports are often
very witty, if brevity is the
soul of wit. Among some
recent commercial intelli-
gence from. America we read
that:—

" Ashes were quiet, with small
sales, at 6 dollars for both pots and
pearls."

When the female aristo-
cracy, and our other undo-
mesticated readers, are in-
formed that there is a sub-
. stance in common use in
m private families, especially
W those of which the washing
■_ is done at home, called Pearl-
- ash, and when Members of
^ Parliament, and unscientific
-_- people in general, are told
~ that there is also a sub-
7J stance, much employed in
manufactures and in medi-
_ cine, commonly known by the

_____ ___r-j. name of Potash, they will be

——-_ >/ '^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ena^led to perceive the main

^^^^gs^^g^j^^E- _ _~point of the above pithy an-

^S^Jljp^ -—^____«=:^= nouncement. Still, however,

they will not have appre-
hended the fulness of meaning comprehended in the monosyllabic, designations " pots"
and "pearls," until they shall have been further instructed that Pearlash is the sesquicar-

bonate of Potash; nor even then, perhaps, would they be enabled thoroughly to appreciate ! very great comfort and satisfaction to all their
the entire significance of those two little words, unless we were to venture on explanations '■ friends.

relative to " pots " and " pearls," amounting,
virtually, to that peculiar projection of pearls
which is proverbially injudicious.

The worst of brevity, as the poet says, is that
it tends to obscurity; a truth exemplified in the
succeeding sentence:—

" Cotton was dull and entirely nominal at 9f to Of for
middling Uplands, and 10£ for New Orleans."

Entirely nominal cotton one would take to
mean devil's dust—but that is not made till the
cott on gets to Manchester. The same may be
said of shoddy, and every other compound or
simple form of cotton stuff—and rubbish.

Here again is an example of wonderful con-
densation :—

Flour was rather firmer, though the receipts were

Observe how powerfully the abundance of the
flour-market is expressed in that one small con-
junction, "though."

True wit disdains a pun; and accordingly,
our commercial wag, in describing the state of
cereal produce, states that—

" Wheat was dull, and tending in favour of the buyer."

That is, wheat was disposed to be sold. A
punster would have said that wheat was flat.

Our pleasant friend concludes by adv ising us
that—

" Sugar and molasses were steady."

We are very glad to hear so good a character
of sugar and molasses, which cannot but afford

THE HAPPY MAN.

rence of duality; and in keeping up two Governments events have
A X I) IS OLD DOUBLE DEAD ? " clearly proved that we have kept up one too many. In short, however

serviceable the Company may have been, there are few who will deny
Now that what is termed the " Double Government" of India is that its room is vastly preferable,
about to expire, people begin asking, how it can have happened that it
ever has existed, and are wanting to know, what can have been the use
of it ? Having a character to keep up for omniscience, we are reluctant
to confess that we are ignorant of anything; but this is just one of
those questions which it is far easier to ask than answer, and we should
as soon try to account for ladies wearing Crinoline, or to explain phi-
losophically the precise cause which impels them to loiter near a
mistletoe, or a bonnet shop in Regent Street.

In expressing their astonishment that the duplex form of Govern-
ment should have been suffered to survive, economists would doubtless
draw attention to the fact, that the keeping up of two establishments

gain is Johnson's knocker muted,

Warning postman, milkman, tramp;
Once more hath he been saluted
By that dear old Sarey Gamp.
At his window chirp the sparrows,

Johnson happiest of Men!
With his quiver full of arrows,

to do the work of one must, of course, have involved a precisely double j | T^mllji 1]^^^ The tallest rising two foot ten.

outlay, and should on that account alone have been long ago abolished. ]£&$mflBPM 1

Not only lias there beer; " double, double, toil and trouble," but just, Y^*%mm At his Club now pensive dining,

twice as many salaries and pensions as there need have been. More- j / Johnson views his ways and means,

over, it might reasonably be urged, that the service of two masters is i , J %jlffi/ Home tranquillity resigning

proverbially impracticable, and this of course should have prevented I -A '^^mK Until Jane the Cherub weans,

the creation of twin Governments. The more cumbrous the machine, ; / «<*™HKnf ^ ^n ^ue *'™e ^e "knight chamber

the more difficult it is to keep in working order. Too many clerks are ! (j , '^<Mmi$sL I With his little charge he ,T1 pace ;

Eiretty sure to spoil the broth; and so far from making a division of
abour, their joint efforts only lead to a compound multiplication of it.
Of course by having two workshops where one would have sufficed, there
has been just double scope for circumlocutionary processes, and the

correspondence that has passed between the two establishments has
doubtless wasted enough foolscap to have papered the Great Globe,
and more than sufficient ink to have floated the Leviathan. We will
be bound that the red tape consumed yearly in transacting the business
of both Governments would have sufficed to put a girdle three times
round the earth, and then reach to the tail of the late expected Comet;
and doubtless as much sealing-wax has been spilt in Leadenhall Street
as would fill up the Red Sea, and raise in the Atlantic a pathway to
America.

Altogether, then, we think that the Government of India has gone
no better for its being on a duplex movement. Although we free
them from the charge of intentional duplicity, we cannot quite help
thinking that those who have contrived to keep the two concerns
afloat, have had the means to " come the double " over those they had
to deal with. Any doubts of this kind must, of course, tend to shake
one's faith in any Government, and the Indian administration has
doubtless been impaired by the fact of its possession of no singleness
of purpose. Our chief wonder is, indeed, how being cut in two, the
moribund absurdity should have so long existed; and it is a proof of
the vitality of nuisances that it has done so. Forgetting the old maxim
that " unity is strength," we have shown our weakness in the prefe-

A meerschaum maybe tipp'd with amber
Pointing from his quiet face.

Visions to his mind are rising,

Long Apothecary's bills ;
French and music—friends surprising,

Socks and boots and tiny frills.
Por relief of beings tender,

One horse now must serve for two :
Golf-stick—that he must surrender ;
Whitebait—certainly eschew.

Ye who jest at love's intrusions,

Listen gravely, if you can;
Mock not Johnson's_sweet illusions,

Wondrous are the joys of Man!
Better far to own a bright house,

Lit with twinkling lamps all o'er,
Than to dwell in lonely light-house,

With no soft glove-knocker'd door.

Hibernian Haymaking.—During the late frost, an Irish M.P.,
observing some confectioner's men at work, carting ice out of a pond,
observed that there is nothing like making hay when the sun shines.