Punch (34.1858)

170

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[April 24, 1858.

fBLESS US AND SAVE US I"

There -were a good many rich things said as well as eaten at the
great Easter Monday banquet at the Mansion House; but perhaps the
richest of remarks which were made on that occasion was that which
fell in these words from the lips of the Chief Magistrate himself :—

" There might be differences of opinion as to the form of our Government, but
for his own part, it had always been his prayer, aa it was now his pride, that when
he became the head of the City of London, he might have the honour of entertaining
the Earl of Derby as Prime Minister of England. (Cheers and a laugh.) He was
most tfjankful that his prayer had been answered, for he most sincerely believed
that the Conservatives would save the country."

Lord Derby's visits to the Mansion House, in the office coat of
Premier, have been so angelically few and far between, that an Alderman
must have the strongest faith in his vitality to expect to live to be
Lord Mayor on such occasion. We think if Sir R. Carden had
been a betting man, and had backed himself a few years since to do
what he had prayed to do, he might have easily commanded almos't any
odds against the ever happening of the "double event."

The Lord Mayor's creed that the Conservatives will save the
country is a belief that we cannot quite consent to pin our faith to ;
inasmuch as we have no clear comprehension what it means. Of what
are we in danger that Lord Derby is to save us from ? Is it a dark
liint at the chance of a French rupture with which the Lord Mayor
Garden thinks he may old-bogy-ly us. His Lordship surely cannot
mean to trump up that stale Gallic Cock and John Bull story. If the
Conservatives proved saving in an economic point of view, and saved
the country from all needless waste of money in its Government, we
should be as thankful as his Mayorship to see them keep in office.
But when told in this vague way that the Derbyanddisraelites will
" save the country," without at the same time its being said_ in what,
we are tempted to regard the saving as a myth; and without intending
the least shade of disrespect, to count these mythic saviours with
the legendary geese which are fabled to have worked the saving of a
Capitol.

A Kingly Prediction.

" Liberty (says King Ferdinand op Naples in one of his letters,)
is fatal to the Bourbons."

Now, Bom.ba is a Bourbon, and a Bourbon of the very worst Bourbon-
esque class ; and if Bomba does not take care, Liberty will one of these
days be fatal to him. It may be this very fear, that makes Bomba
keep Liberty out of his kingdom as much as possible.

motto eor the ministry.

" Sufferance is the badge of all our tribe." (To be quoted by the
Chancellor op the Exchequer).

I THE PATENT EAR PROTECTOR,

and anti organ-nuisance.

We have much pleasure in inviting the attention of those numerous
readers of ours, who labour under the intolerable irritation and dis-
traction occasioned by the Italian organ-grinders, to an instrument
which has been invented for the purpose of protection against the
annoyance inflicted by those tormentors. It consists of an arched
band or strip of wood about an inch broad, in form resembling tb«
letter fl inverted, having, just above either of its extremities, on eacli
side, a perforation, through which passes a wooden screw, headed at
its inner end with an ivory knob. The instrument is made to be worn
over the crown of the head; and the two screws correspond to tne
two ears, and their respective knobs to the external auditory opening
of each ear. The moment an organ-grinder begins to play, the appa-
ratus is clapped on, when the screws, being turned, close the external
meatus with any degree of tightness that may be desired, and effectually
exclude all sound whatever, " Keemo Kimo" "Bobbing Around," and
the " Hundredth Psalm " inclusive.

This instrument may_ also be recommended to the Paterfamilias
whose children are addicted to squalling, or whose wife is troubled
with an habitual cough, or is prone to anger, and obstreperous. To
any such gentleman it will prove an invaluable blessing, calculated, if
anything can, to make home happy.

Another remedy against organ-grinding has been communicated to
us by a friend. This is of the nature of an antidote. It lies in the
counter-demonstration made against the music in the street by a Skye
terrier in our friend's possession, who, as soon as the Italian commences
grinding, begins to howl. He thus drowns the worse discord with the
more tolerable noise, and overpowers the greater evil with the less;
but with an evil so much the less, that his master regards him as an
invaluable treasure, and would take no money for him, although he
| has lost his teeth, and much of his coat, and is infested with fleas,
| which cause him to scratch himself from morning to night.

MONUMENTAL NOMENCLATURE.

Sir W. Eraser, in the House of Commons, asked Lord John
Manners whether there was any objection to the bridge about to be
erected over the Thames next above Waterloo-bridge being called
Sebastopol-bridge. There is one—in addition to the objections which
Lord John mentioned. A siege or a battle is a horrible necessity
imposed upon us by our enemies. They oblige us to take the trouble
and accept the danger of destroying their strongholds and themselves :
a glorious work for our soldiers and sailors because it is dangerous,
and to ourselves because it is expensive. Battles and sieges are whole-
sale executions; but the personal risk to which the combatants are
exposed makes some difference between those on the wrong side and
brigands, and a vast difference between those on the right side and
hangmen. Glory to our heroes for their courage and self-sacrifice ;
glory to the tax-payer: glory for ever; but otherwise no glory! If
we wish to perpetuate the memory of our victories, which may be
desirable for the admonition of our enemies, let us give the names
which they are called by to our gaols. Had the time not gone by, and
had Newgate now to be rebuilt, it might be well enough, perhaps, to
change the name of Newgate to that of Sebastopol Prison.

SHALL THE HUDSONS HAVE A STATUE?

The name of Hudson is destined to live in British history. There
is George Hudson, once Railway King, and now " a dim, discrowned
monarch "—a Mammon mulcted of his money-bags—a Calf upset from
its pedestal, with the goid plating rudely torn off, and the worshippers
wanting. Then there is the once famous Hudson—the "hurried
Hudson" of his day—the Queen's messenger, who travelled to Rome
like a flash of lightning, and was back, with Sir Robert Peel at
his heels, ere one could say, "it lightens." And now turns up
another, and a still more impetuous Hudson—Sir James, our Mini-
ster at Turin—as dexterous in "making things pleasant" as the
ex-Railway King; as quick in getting over business as the Queen's
Messenger in getting over ground: so " hurried " a Hudson, indeed,
that he has not even time to read his despatches before signing them;
and whose words, if not his deeds, are written in the " Correspondence
on the case of the Cagliari," just published. If the memory of George
Hudson is for ever linked with that of the steam-engine, that of
James is not less closely connected with the name of its inventor—
Watt.

brandy in a bad way.

Commercial intelligence from Paris states that " Brandies give no
sign of life." If that is the case, Brandy appears to be m danger ot
losing the title of Eau de Vie.