Punch (34.1858)

240

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[J use 12, 185a

Round 5. Ben bad got his second wind, while the Bottleholder came
up with bellows to mend. Ben rushed in with one of his nght-
lianded " shooters," as soon as the men were in position, and hit the
.Bottleholder clean off his legs. (Terrific excitement among Ben s
backers the Knowsley Nailer conspicuous by his vehement cheering.
Cries of " It's your own mill, Ben !" " Go in, and finish hvm ! ")

Round 6. The Bottleholder. weak, but still borne up by his in-
domitable pluck. A one-two from Ben was cleverly stopped; and
i he Bottleholder countered with some effect; but his hitting, though
neat and well aimed as usual, lacked its old damaging effect, Age is
evidently telling even on his excellent constitution. Ben went m as
if determined to fiuish the affair, and a heavy rally, in which the
Bottleholder suffered severely, and finally went down heavily, wound
up the round.

Round 7. The Bottleholder weak. Ben vicious and bent on punish-
ment, which he administered freely, hitting the Bottleholder where
he liked, and driving him all round the ring. In the close, however, the

Bottleholder displayed unexpected strength, catching Bew yemad iht
neck, and dropping on him with his right with excellent effect, latke
close both down.

Round 8. On time being called, the Bottleholdeh vralied to-lib-
ground, though evidently groggy. Ben was not much better, bm
still the stronger of the two, as he showed by the style in. ■wMeta >ie
walked into his man, in despite of the Bottleholder's scientific
stopping, and at last boring him to the ropes, finished him "wiiia a
" slogger" in the bread-basket; on which, after a brief ecoasoltsfcxa!,
the Bottleholder's seconds threw up the sponge for their nan
(whose pluck had excited general admiration), thus leaving Bes the
winner of this extraordinary combat. The conqueror was. severely
punished, and indeed showed as many marks almost as his gi^kr>i
antagonist. Both Ben and the Bottleholder were carried to their
carriages, and, in answer to numerous inquiries, all lib* three
heroes of the day were said—" to be going on as well as eeald be
expected."

ONE, TWO, THREE—THREE LITTLE THIMBLES—AND ONE SMALL PEA.

AERIAL DRAINAGE.

^What an embellishment of our streets would be a row of classical columns on either side
of every one of them! We can't make a statue; but we can make a column by copying
exactly the Tuscan, Doric, Ionic, Corinthian or Composite original. The columns might rise
a little above the chimneys of the houses ; and to save material, they might be built hollow.
Thus we should have rows of hollow columns in the immediate neighbourhood of the
sewers. How easy it would be to establish a communication between the former and the
latter ! The consequence would be, that the poisonous gases contained in the sewers would
rise and be diffused into the air high over our heads instead of reeking up under our noses,
and getting down our throats, and producing therein a horrible inflammation called diphtheria
—as set forth in the kst Quarterly Return of the Registrar-General.

This diphtheria is_ t plague of French extraction; that is to say, it originally sprang from
French filth underlying the splendour and magnificence of French architecture. It is, in fact,
a very bad putrid sore throat, putrid in its origin, putrid in its effects. The word diphtheria
comes from the Greek, although the disease comes from France, the doctors of which country
called it diphtherite, a word which, in medical phraseology, signifies inflammation of the
diphthera, and is nonsense. Diphthera means a membrane ; and Diphtheria is so called
because it is characterised by a peculiar membranous secretion. The French physicians,
therefore, made a slight mistake in christening their little nosological stranger. Its correct
appellation may be a matter of small consequence, and delicate persons, indeed may be
disposed to say : " Don't name it! "

How to get rid of it, is the question; and this object will be most effectually obtained by
having pipes to convey the noxious gases out of the sewers, either up through the centre of
elegant and graceful columns, or that of plain and simple, but somewhat loftier lamp-posts.
1 he lamp-posts womd probably be preferable in the eyes of the rate-payers, in whose language
they would serve to kill two birds with one stone, though instead of serving to kill they

would serve to protect life. They wm&Jd cos-
tain one pipe conveying the gas proper to the
burner, and another emitting the pestiferoas vsA
abominable gases towards the cloads. Together
with these aeriform and fragrant fluids would
ascend the essence of diphtheria, alosg witk
that of cholera, typhus, and a few ot)>eT oad
principles of which we might as weB div*st ihe
air which we breathe, unless we are ik&irreas. of
ceasing to breathe before our time.

THE LOYE OF THE TURTLE.
% <£ita $oetru

Ah ! Know ye what is Woman's Lotp,

That spurns command—that scoriis advice?
It, like the martyr's, looks above.

And burns to yield a sacrifice.
The passion of her gentle breast

Seeks but in blessing to be blest 5.
The one great longing of her heart

Is only rapture to impart,
What words that mystery shall reveal I

If a faint image feebly can,
It is as though, could turtles fee),

The Turtle loved the Alderman.
And sighed to constitute the sonp
Whereon he might as vulture swoops
And pined to be cut up for him,
And in his plate to lie, or swimk
Sufficiently repaid, to be
His calipash and calipee.

BEGINNING AT THE WRONG END.

The Tuileries are to be oroame^tesl witk s
new head-piece in the shape of an addiiional
roof. Is not this beginning at the wjosg m£ ;j
We thinkLouis Napoleon would have dispiajed
more of his usual foresight in turning j&» bites -
tion to the foundation. You see, the old Palaee,
with its slanting forehead, like a e?d£iay has
been so terribly shaken in its time witbsoeh a
series of changes and revolutions, thai we do not
think it stands very safely, even undei Hspresent
clever master. It has been very totter? for the
last two or three years. Therefore, ia my opi-
nion, it will be much wiser to streaglien the
foundation a bit. The best expedient fox en-
suring its safety would be to lay down a good
sound plan for the Freedom of the Press. Will
Louis Napoleon, clever architect) as hss is of
his own fortunes, have the pluck to throw
before the people such a plan ? Our word, his
throne in the Palace would starsd the
stronger for it.

Epicurean Philosophy.— Make Bay while
the sun shines. That is to say, take advantage
of the season, so long as- it lasts, to e&t plenty
of sparrowgrass.