Punch: Punch (76.1879)

March 29, 1879.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

133

MONODY ON THE DECEASED "MERMAID."

G

one from her close tank's infection,
Passed from chilness to dissection,
Under Science's inspection—
Poor Manatee!

From Trinidad's broad, tepid waters,
To the Aquarium's cramping quarters,
Last-horn of cetacean martyrs—

Poor Manatee!

Uglier thing could hardly meet your
Gaze, alike, in form and feature ;
Lumpish, heavy, lumbering creature:
Poor Manatee!

Leaden were her eyes and tiny,
Dull and dead instead of shiny ;
Slug-like sluggard of the briny :

Poor Manatee!

Hair she 'd none, in glass to comb her
Like old Ocean's fish-tailed roamer ;
Mermaid was a strange misnomer!

Poor Manatee!

But bad looks, by those that own 'em,
Can't be helped, though they bemoan 'em ;
Nil de mortuis nisi bonum :

Poor Manatee!

PHARISEES OUT-PHARISEED.

Hebe ie about as bad a piece of local news as
any which has lately appeared in the papers :—

" Sunday Observance. — An adjourned debate in
the Town Council of Leicester on the Sunday opening
of the Free Public Library was resumed yesterday, when
the motion for Sunday opening was defeated by twenty-
eight votes against twenty.''

To call the Public Library which the Sabbatarian
majority in the Leicester Town Council insist on
keeping closed on Sundays " free " is irony. The
ordinary public-houses in Leicester are free to be
open during part of the Sunday, but the Public
Library is not free at all. Even the bond fide
traveller in the field of knowledge is forbidden
to quench his thirst at that Public-house. Those
Leicester Sabbatarians, in regard to their Sabbath,
on which they prohibit meat and drink for the
mind, reverse a certain authoritative declaration
respecting the original Dies non. In their estima-
tion, however, apparently the Sunday was not
made for Man, but Man for the Sunday.

A Distinction. —When, and wherever, the
United States troops halted in the American Civil
"War, we are told, they threw up entrenchments.
Our troops throw them over.

NOTHING LIKE UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER.

People are constantly complaining to Punch of the "airs" of
servants in these days. The following genuine letter has been sent
him as a choice example of the sort of thing " Missuses " have now
to put up with :—

"Madam, "March 16.

" In answer to your letter which I received this morning, I cannot find
out any thing in your letter I Object to, neither do I feel doubtfull but what
I might give Satisfaction. My wages is £16, all found, including beer. I
want to know, Madam, how many sits to late dinner, and what is the third
girl, as I should like to feel I could settle after coming so far. Do you have
a laid lunch, and all lunch together ? Is the House large—as taking House
and Parlourwork together, it makes a difference. My Height is pretty fair.
I shall wait answer to this. Then I will give you the address for my
references. If there is anything beside you would like to state to me, I shall
be much Obliged to you to do so.

" I remain, your Humble Servant.

" P.S.—If I take your situation, I shall expect my expenses paid."

" The audacious hussy ! " nineteen Missusses in twenty will after
reading this letter burst out.

But is it more than a business-like attempt on the part of one
party to a contract to ascertain its conditions, clearly and exactly,
before concluding the bargain ? For Punch's part, he—being a
" Master," and not a " Missus "—would be inclined to augur very
favourably of the writer's clear-headedness ; would, in fact, call her
decidedly a "business-like woman," though her letter, no doubt,
reads rather '' cool''—not to put too fine a point on it—to the Lady
to whom it is addressed. But the sooner Ladies who want servants
make up their minds to lay aside the old-fashioned feudal notion
that they are a superior order of beings to those who undertake
domestic duties in their establishments, and are content to treat
with them de pouvoir en pouvoir, the better. "To this com-
plexion," as Hamlet says, "they must come." Punch can't hope
to " make them laugh at that," unless it be on the " grin, and bear
it" principle. But let them ask themselves if it isn't the fact—
pleasant or not.

(Punch would like to know, how a Mistress as capable in her
upper or drawing-room sphere, as the writer in her lower or kitchen
range, would answer this letter ?)

Only Natural.

"It was proposed to send a regiment of Irish Guards, officered by Home-
Rule Members, to Zululand. If it went there, it might fight on the wrong
side."—Mr. Parnell at Glasgow.

Seee, Pabnell 's up to snuff, if he choose,
And his Home-Rule boys ne'er will prove laggards ;

But what would be the odds 'twixt Zulus
And out-and-out rdal Irish blackguards ?

Common Form oe an Aetistic Copyright Act.—Painting a
replica of your own picture.

THE RORKE'S DRIFT ROLL-CALL.

" An Officer " writes to Punch—

"In your Cartoon, of March 22, you, as worthy head of the Army, thank
Lieutenants Chard and Bromhead for their heroic defence of Rorke's Drift.
In the background are seen some men of the 24th Regiment, and scattered
about are quantities of Commissariat Supplies. Cannot you find some corner
for a memorial to the only officer who was killed that night while gallantly
doing his duty, Assistant-Commissary Byrne ? Should you ignore the only
officer ' severely wounded,' to whom all were indebted for his advice and skill
in turning his supplies of flour and biscuits into parapets—Assistant-Com-
missary Dalton r Or the young officer who gained the admiration of all by
erecting the last defence under a heavy fire, Assistant-Commissary Dunne ?
Or Surgeon Reynolds, who only laid on one side his rifle to attend to the
wounded ?"

Punch only wishes his Cartoon was as large as his gratitude,
in which case he would certainly have found room not only for
these gallant officers—combatant or non-combatant, who assisted
in the defence of Rorke's Drift—but for every man who piled a
biscuit-box, fisted a mealie-bag-, levelled a rifle, or plied a bayonet
on that memorable night. But pages have their limits, though
gratitude has none, and so Punch and his artist have been fain to
lump under the names and presentments of the most prominent
leaders of that noble defence all the officers and men who contributed
to it, in their several ranks and capacities. He rejoices that " An
Officer's" letter, in mentioning many of these names, secures a
record of them in his immortal pages.

A BACKER FOR BLACKIE.

In these anti-slavery days all are bound to hail Blackie as a man
and a brother. The Professor, most strenuous of "poor scholars"
with the begging-box (that time-honoured article of the scholar's
equipment) has raised £300 a-year to remove the opprobrium of
Scotland—with its four Universities and never a Professor of the
Celtic family of speech; the tongue which, if Erse erudition and
enthusiasm may be trusted, Adam spoke in Paradise, and which
has now been mysteriously relegated to what some will consider the
other earthly extreme—the Scottish, Irish, and "Welsh Highlands
Man, and Brittany. Even taken together, these rugged regions
can hardly be considered a fair equivalent for the Garden of Eden,
with its apple and its pair.

The Professor now asks the Treasury to supplement the annual £300,
raised by his earnest and energetic appeals, with another hun-
dred, to complete a decent stuffing and lining for a Celtic Chair in
Edinburgh. jSTot even the most enthusiastic and modest of Celtic
scholars can be expected to sit comfortably on less than £400 a-year.

It is a reasonable request, and should and will, we hope, be
granted. Lord Beaconseield is bound to feel for Blackie. Both
are the prophets and poets of a decried and down-trodden race, and
Blackie's Celtic proteges have quite as much a right to their
Professor as Beaconseield's Semitic ones.

The Khedive's Little Game.—Spoiling the Egyptians.

VOL. LXXYI.

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