Punch: Punch (32.1857)

SS PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 28, 1857.

THE LORD CHANCELLOR IN THE DARK.

— wwWW^yy^ N the House of Lords

the other evening,
%^ Lord Brougham be-
gan to brush up the
|iyp Lord Chancellor a
gpP bit as to how the Sta-
ggg- tutes were progressing
■-j towards that consoli-
f==lg dation so devoutly to
^==M be wished; and in
jjj§[| reply, Lord Cran-
F=^ worth stated, that
iggg dining the recess cer-
jppg tain bills had been pre-
BBj1 pared, which would
Ullg consolidate the Sta-
8I§1I ^ute -kaw affecting cri-
s55^: minals, and that—

s " It was his wish to pro-

- oeed with t hem at an early

iss; period of the session, but

i - he would not go further

~- until he saw his way

:__ clearly."

;:Sk=^^^^^^£*^^^^^^^ ~~T^MklJI^^E Giving the Lord

S£^l=w%i?P^^S^I -/._ IgSSjf m Chancellor all ho-

'ffv^rl^K^^^j^^^^5 111111 "^55 nour for his wish, we

^^^^^^=_^ I^^L/lPw Jffil=*l-- ■=% fear there is small

^^gg^^j-_^'r-^^3\., -jT^^^wja^^^^A^^^^^^^t^^^.,, likelihood that we

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^/^=~^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^>^ shall see it, realised,

m^^^^^^^^^^^~^^^"T^^^^¥=^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^:. sn -i0,13 bnposes
r%£&?=--~. ^^gstffe^p^elBsfel the condition which

his last words seem

to indicate. If his progress with the bills oe made dependent on his ableness to " see
his way clearly," we think the "early period" will prove a mere period of speech, and
the words " at the Greek Calends " would come nearer to the truth. We say this without
meaning to depreciate too much his lordship's powers of vision, but it can be no news to

any one to hear that they have somewhat suf-
fered from advancement, both of time and place.
The fogs of Chancery, we know, are such as
must impair the strongest mental eyesight; and
are a sufficient cause why those who grope their
way in their proceedings through the Courts
should make such tardy progress. At the same
time, when we find so bright a luminary of the
law as the Lord Chancellor, who ought by
rights to shine the foremost bght of the profes-
sion, acknowledging thus candidly that he is in
the dark, we can but think that to prevent his
getting in bad odour, it would be but right to
give him an extinguisher.

SINGULAR PHENOMENON.

Sir Christopher Tawny (a great favourite
in the North) has some wonderful old Port
Wine, which he says he laid down at the time of
the birth of his eldest daughter. The wine is,
undoubtedly remarkably fine, but the most
wonderful thing about it is that, whereas the
wine is thirty-two years old, the young lady,
who is still unmarried, is only just entering her
three-and-twentieth year! Sir Christopher
says that his daughters so far differ in body and
temper from his wine, that the longer he keeps
them the younger he finds they grow!

Orators Dumfounded.

The move of the Government in bringing in
the Budget so early in the Session has had all
the effect of an Early Closing Movement on
the mouths in opposition, and has even shut up
MH. Disraeli himself, by forestalling all the
questions he had prepared himself to ask.

SOME MORE CHAPTERS IN THE HISTORY OF

JOHN BULL.

Row John Bull was humbugged after all.

Well, my brace of Scotchmen went up to the farm, and like shrewd
hard-working men of business, as they were, at once set about the
inquiry Pam had charged them with. At first the keepers tried their
grand airs on the pair—were snappish, and saucy, and humorous, and
mighty short in their answers, with "marry, come ups," and "you
ask me no questions, and I '11 tell you no lies," and " don't you wish
you may get it," and so forth. And, truly, if the two old fellows had
not been as tough as nails, and as patient as a brace of Jobs, they
might have lost temper a thousand times, and most likely flung up
their task in disgust.

Then the rogues, finding their sauciness without avad, tried flattery,
and mighty civil they were, I promise you, with their tongues in their
cheeks all the while. But this plan succeeded no better than the other.
The two old fellows stuck to their work, regardless alike of big words
and bluster, or soft sawder and flummery. They were up and about
early and late. They saw and questioned everybody; looked into
everything ; had up the poor old fiddler under examination for days ;
overhauled all the contents of the store-rooms, where they found a
precious mess, I can assure you; took an account of all that John had
sent up for the use of the watchers; in short, made a thorough good
job of what they were sent to do, as Pam had bade them, " without
fear or favour." And having completed their task, they set off home,
to report to their employer.

Meanwhfle, during the time spent on their mquiry and report, the
affairs of Nick had fallen into a very bad way. The old rogue's rag-a-
muffins—stout fellows as they were—were thrashed again and again,
till at last they were beaten out of the old stone house they lived in,
and the roof was fairly burnt over their heads. Old Nick had died
some time before this happened of sheer heart-break, it was thought,
for a terrible drubbing John Bull's watchers had given his black-
guards against odds of six to one, and his son, Alick, a decent lad
enough (considering who was his father), had come into what the old
man had left behind. The lad was ready enough to renounce his
father's tricks, and to promise anything for a quiet life. So on con-
dition of his marching his blackguards off the ground, and keeping out
of arm's-length of the Turkey-pen, and giving sureties for good beha-
viour, John agreed to let him go scot-free, to break up his own
establishment of watchers and keepers, and to allow bye-gones to be
bye-gones.

Many of his friends thought John was a little too easy with his
enemy. But that was always his way, as all readers of his history
know. He never won a law-suit, but he gave away half the damages
he received, and in most cases, to the man he had been at law with.
Mighty glad, I promise you, were all the family at the manor-house to
see the poor fellows from the moor-farm safe home again. John
Bull ordered half-a-dozen oxen to be roasted whole, to feast 'em :—a
row of butts of October were set abroach on the lawn : there was
jumping in sacks and grinning through horse-collars, fireworks at
night, and a dance and a supper in the servants'-hall - and who but the
watchers and keepers!

Some of the latter, indeed, who had come home before this, had
given themselves mighty great airs among the servants, on the
strength of their doughty deeds against Nick and his blackguards.
As usual 'twas the emptiest puppies that talked loudest and made the
bravest figure. The best men held their tongues. But when it came
to finding places for the lads that had come home, I am afraid it
must be owned John's upper servants did not act fairly by their
master. At least, it happened somehow or other that if ever there was
a good berth to be filled in the stables or in the saddle-room, harness-
room, or gun-room, it was sure to be given away to one of those
very lounging, swaggering, dandified Jemmy Jessamies, or Lazy
Lawrences who had so neglected their business up at the moor-farm,
and thereby been the death of so many a lusty honest poor fellow of
the watchers.

These bouncing, big-mouthed gentry told their own tales, of course ;
and Pam, the steward, and Poxy,—a whiskey-drinking, good dinner-
loving, unscrupulous old reprobate, who had charge of the gun-room,—
either believed, or pretended to believe, every cock and bull story they
told. Anyone who ventured to hint at what Stag's inquiry had brought
to light about these very fellows, or to suggest that 'twould be well to
wait for the Scotchmen's report before giving places to these men,
was pooh-poohed, and put down, as a factious, discontented, mischief-
making spirit.

But when at last the two old Scotchmen brought out their report, I
promise you there was a fine commotion in the stables and gun-room.
Here were the very men whom the Scotchmen exposed as the
authors of all the sufferings of John's lads, now pocketing his best
wages, and wearing his smartest liveries, and eating and (kinking of
the best in his servant's hall!

Now, some simple folks might have expected—considering how savage
John had been only a year before with the conduct of these very fellows,
—that he needed but have been told how they had been smuggled
into berths on the manor, to have at once made examples of the