Punch: Punch (32.1857)

march 28, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

123

THE PRINCESS'S SPECTACLE.

he following paragraphs, ac-
cidentally omitted at the
end of the notices of
Richard II, which were
supplied to some of our
contemporaries, have been
sent to us for insertion :—

" And as completeness in
every department is an
essential, in Mr. Kean's
opinion, to all success, he
has paid the utmost atten-
tion to the mode in which
the bills of the theatre are
printed. The paper is, we
believe, entirely fly-leaves
from old folio editions of
the History of England, and
the ink is from a receipt
discovered in a 'chapel'
(whence the printing-office
is so called) in Westminster
Abbey. There is not a
misprint throughout, the
small capitals are most
judiciously inserted, while
the infusion of italics leaves
nothing to be desired. An
ordinary printer's lad was
not employed to carry the proof bills to and from the theatre, but a blue-
coat boy, in his picturesque mediaeval costume, was retained for that
purpose, with the kind permission of the Governor of Christ's Hospital.
We must also add that the boxkeepers have been carefully drilled, and
that they open and close the doors with the most preternatural quietness,
which adds to the imposingly historical effect of the performance. The
character of the refreshments provided for consumption during the entr'
acte, has also been studiously attended to, and the bottles of imperial
pop, elegantly labelled " hippocrass," in old English letters, form quite
a feature in the entertainment. The cloak-room has been furnished with
new pegs from Messes. Jackson and Graham's, and the slip of mat-
ting down the principal staircase has been supplied from another
celebrated establishment. Let us add that in Me. Kean's sedulous
care for the comfort of his auditory, all the policemen selected for
duty are members of the Church of England, while the estimable and
accomplished Hnkman is a distinguished Anabaptist. In short,
nothing has been omitted which it is possible to mention towards
promoting the exulting enthusiasm of a frantic audience."

[Any f urther puff can be admitted only as an advertisement, or as
a Letter from a " Lover of Art?'

CHINESE ELECTION SONG.

Air—" Come let us all a Haying go."

Come let us all a yeh-ing go,
And vote for Cobden, Dis, and Co.

High and low,

Let us go!
Come, let us all a YEH-ing go,
And so procure Pam's overthrow.

Then Sir John Bowsing
Shall peccavi sing:

And Setmotjr be

Recalled from sea:
Our fleet retreat; though Punch say Nay.
John Bell shall do koutou to Yeh !

A Losing Article.

Paterfamilias calculates that, during the course of his long
existence, he must have lent, or missed, or lost, or had borrowed or
stolen, not less than 500 umbrellas ! Experience has taught him now,
having charged rather dearly for her 500 lessons never to buy, as long
as he lives, another umbrella ! He classifies umbrellas under the head
of those articles of which no one ever knows the profit, much less the
return !

Watches that Want Repairing—Sir Robert Peel should not
be so hard on Sir Chaeles Napier—as a Peeler, it is his duty to
protect an Old Charley, who is compelled to give way to him.

DESTRUCTION OP LITE IN CHINA.

A Chinese baker, prophetically named Allem, poisoned the bread
served out to the foreigners at Hong-Kong. Ratsbane was kneaded
in the morning roll, and the cruel Governor Bowring, very much to
his own astonishment, discovered that he really had bowels. However,
though there was great consternation, much suffering, death did not
ensue. All who had eaten of the bread, though much enfeebled,
recovered. We have said that—no death ensued.

_ And now mark the ruthless spirit of revenge operating in the coun-
cils of a British Government! Of a Christian people! Allem, the
baker, with three accomplices, were seized, and though it is very pro-
bable that each of the poor men had a wife, or wives; a family, or
families—for every Chinaman has—nevertheless the four men were
condemned to death and shot! The poor creatures, altogether igno-
rant of our laws, irresponsible, as we contend by their very ingenuous-
ness, to a British tribunal, are taken out and shot: we will not at
present use stronger language, but will simply say—shot!

Can we expect that, as a people, any future blessings will fall upon
the Royal Marines ; a respectable force enough in their way, but when
converted into agents of death, and their victims, the simple Chinese—
the descendants of generations who used gunpowder when our Druidi-
cal forefathers could only obtain light by the attrition of dried sticks
—when perverted, we will say, into ministers of vengeance,—made a
blot, and not a credit to us as a nation ?

However, it is very refreshing to learn, that there are some com-
assionate spirits who lament the fate of the fallen. A subscription
as, therefore, been entered into to erect a fitting monument at Hong-
Kong to the unfortunate Allem and his hapless companions. A
suitable inscription has been promised by a distinguished bishop in the
very oiliest English.

It is expected that the Chinese Members of both Houses of Parlia-
ment will appear in short mourning. We know it may be cavilled,
that Allem and his companions intended to commit wholesale
murder. But to this we make answer, ought not all men to be judged
according to their lights ? Was it given to these poor men to separate
the subtleties of a Gladstone, or to read the leaders of the Morning
Herald ?

THE ALDERMAN'S OWN BOOK.

A Book has been largely advertised of late, under the interesting
title of Corpulency, professing to give directions for the self-cure
of that deformity, by means of a peculiar system of diet. We pre-
sume that the peculiarity of this dietetic system consists in affording
satisfaction to the cravings, and at the same time effecting a diminu-
tion of the protuberance, of the stomach. The method of reducing
corpulence by eating and drinking very much less than the appetite
desires, has long been known to almost everybod}r, but, on account of
its unpleasantness is practised by hardly anybody. That proposed in the
book m question must have the recommendation of rendering self-cure
practicable without self-denial. Probably the volume sells largely; but
not much over the counter. Its sale, doubtless, takes place chiefly by
post, the price being transmitted and received in postage stamps.
What fat man—not to say what stout lady—would like to walk into a
bookseller's shop, and ask for a treatise on corpulency P The object
of the inquiry would be obvious ! The shopman would be so sure to
swallow a laugh, if not to smother it by clapping his hand on his
mouth ! The only manner of purchasing the book, in person, with any
degree of face, would be for the customer fairly to disarm ridicule by
tapping his stomach and simply saying, " Moore's book; " since the
author is a Mr. A. W. Moore, and the gesture would be sufficient to
indicate which Mr. Moore was meant, and what work by a Mr.
Moore was wanted. It would quite preclude any such mistake as
that of handing Lalla Rookh to the plethoric party, or presenting him
with the Irish Melodies. To pretend to make that mistake, however,
could the pretence be supported with sufficient gravity, would be a
very politic artifice on the part of the bibliopole who might be desirous
of seeing his flattered customer again.

The Cabinet and the Caddy.

It has been said that Lord Palmerston wanted to pick a quarrel
with China. But if, as must be admitted, the noble discount knows
better than to quarrel -with his bread-and-butter, is it likely that he
would be disposed to quarrel with his tea ?

parliamentary plants.

The Maynooth Grant is brought forward invariably every twelve-
month. We hope, as we love fair play, that Mr. Hardy will not be
re-elected, or else we shall be having the New Beer Bill exhibited also,
regularly once a year, as a " Hardy Annual."