Punch (32.1857)

May 9, 1857.]

183

PALMERSTON, " BIRDS, BEASTS, AND FISHES."

at<liamentary Reform —
prophesies the Quarterly
—" will probably task
those remarkable in-
stincts of self-preserva-
tion in which Lord
Palmerston has always
shown himself to excel,
not mankind only, but
even birds, beasts, and
fishes."

The force of compli-
ment can no further go.
How vain is it to hope
to catch and subdue a
Minister who, as Jona-
than has it, licks all
creation ! Palmerston
is not alone Palmerston
the Irishman; but Pal-
merston the bird, Pal-
merston the beast, Pal-
merston the fish! Put
Palmerston in another
Noah's Ark, and he would be Prime Minister of the whole menagerie.
Por consider Palmerston the bird; the lapwing. How he decoys his
pursuers from the nest; how he trails along the ground; how he leads
far and far away the curiosity that would destroy his expectations.
Think how Palmerston the cuckoo "sucks little birds' eggs to make
his voice sweet;" adapting to his own preservation the best hopes
and dearest property of others ! Contemplate Palmerston, the beast
—the fox Palmerston—think of Mm in foreign henroosts; now all
but run down, with the whole country at his heels; and now, stolen
away, and curled up snugly in a red box, with not a hair turned.
Consider Palmerston the fish, the torpedo eel. Lay a little finger
on him, and take a shock for your pains. Think of Palmerston,
the official cuttle-fish. Move for " copies of correspondence," and
straightway all around shall be so darkened with official ink that the
fish itself shall not be discoverable head from tail.

Is not this, taking the Quarterly's word for the matter, a most por-
tentous Minister. A Premier who is merely a man might be managed;
but how to deal with a Palmerston who is not only a Palmerston,
but a bird, a beast, and a fish ?

EBENEZER AND THE ESTABLISHMENT.

The subjoined rather curious paragraph occurs in a letter on the
subject of "Church Pates," addressed by one A. T. apparently a
Dissenter, to the Times:—

" Dissenters object to pay Church-rates on two grounds—first, because the pro-
ceeds of them are devoted to the support of a religious system which, in their
opinion, is not in harmony with the word of God ; and, secondly, because the
method of collecting them is compulsory, and noc voluntary. The plan of your
Homerton correspondent meets the former of these objections, but leaves entirely
untouched the latter, which is by far the most serious objection of the two."

Will not A. T., on consideration, be inclined to amend the last
sentence of the foregoing paragraph by substituting " stronger " for
"most serious " ? Surely Dissenters consider the scriptural objection
to the payment of church-rates more serious than the political and
personal one—though the latter may be, and probably often is, very
much the stronger. However, the strongest objection to church-rates
is perhaps that felt by honest members of the Established Church, who
are, or ought to be, ashamed to be beholden for the maintenance of
their places of worship to people of other persuasions.

Funeral Rights.

A Real Undertaker having been returned for Greenwich, Mr.
Newtdegate, as the only member heretofore known by that title, is
about to petition for compensation. Mr. Punch sees no objection to
two undertakers, considering how many black jobs are done in the
House, and he would be decidedly glad to see a great many more
Mutes.__

iST life has never been compared to this before !

Life is a Picnic, which would be all the nrore agreeable, if we could
only agree beforehand as to the share each of us was to take to the
entertainment. As it is, for the want of a better understanding, a
degree of insipid sameness often arises when, upon stock being taken
of the company, it is found out that every one present has brought a
calf's head!

THE POOR PATRONISING THE RICH.

A Pipes and Beer meeting of the Society of the Poor for the Im-
provement of the Rich was held last evening at the Society's Rooms.
Want of space prevents us from reporting the speeches, but their
substance is embodied in the subjoined resolutions of the meeting,
which were handed to us for publication :—

" Resolved—That this ere Meetin, as reperisentinthe Porer classes,
is dooly Sensibel of the Kindnes and Considration of the Hire Orders
in iriterestin theirselves the Way they Do about our wellfare, and seein
as Won good Turn deservs Anuther is Desirus to reciprocicate the
Hobbbgacion.

" Resolved—That accordinly this ere Meetin feels its Self lowdly
cauld Upon to ixpress its Art-Pelt Sorrer hat the Wice and Himmo-
rality now so onappily pervalent Amung the Shuperior Clarses, and
Pledges Hitself to use its Best egsertions for the Corection and
Remuvial hof the Same.

" Resolved—That to Wene the Ritch from their Gamblin Betin and
Oss Racin, and dror them from their Aunts of Dicipation, instead of
Witch to Eorster in their minds a Taste for rashanall Ameusment, to
Himpres on them as is Intrusted with the Manidgmentof Afairs banks
and Radways in pertickler the Ad wantages of Honisty, and the Rewin
consekent upon Misconduit aUso the Misimployment of Time of the
Pemail part of the ritcher Popolation in the Destructive sistim of Late
Ours and Dansin away tdl Pour and Pive in the morning with the
Nesesity of Punctual payment of the Employed, their dredful Extrava-
gance^ the Foly and souperstishion of Sperrit Rappin and all sich
deloosions the same as beleavin in Whichcraft, dewellopin amungst
Them a love of Industry and those Talents which is been wouchsafed
to their Keepin is the Principal Objecks of this ere Society.

" Resolved—That this Year Society afectionatly intreats Their
ritcher Bretheren to Receave Their exortations in the Sperrit they
are Ment and not to Kick them Whose soul Haim in Ouse to Ouse
Wisitation is the Good of the Hinmafes Down Stares for Importu-
nance or border them to be Turn'd Hout by ther Pampered Menials
and guv in Chardge to the Poleece.

"Resolved.—That Hall Efferts of the Lore Clarses to Elp the ire
wdl be inefectial Without they endeavours to Elp Their Selves their
Cordial cohoperation is theirfore inwited in this Good and Blesid vurk
particklar by libberal Subscripsons witch may be forraded Hither in
chex or Cash post Orfis borders or Postidge stampes to the Treasrer
of this hear Sosiety.

" H. Walker,

" Buggids Buildins, May, 1857." " Honory Secrary."

STRANGE MYSTERIES IN THIS WORLD.

Julia (an Islington Belle). Wed, do you know, jrou do astonish me!
On my word I took him to be a gentleman—for I'm sure you never
meet him, not early in the morning even, but he has a pair of the most
beautiful white kid gloves on!

Amelia (her facetious friend). Why, you little simpleton, that fact is
easdy explained. The fellow is a glove-cleaner ! ! ! They 're not his
gloves, but his customers'. Out of the thousands that are left with
him, it would be hard indeed if he couldn't select a good pair ! Why,
Julia, your Beau, dear, is only another kind of nurse—a man nurse, I
declare, who walks out with other people's kids to give them an
airing!

What art thou, that Buddest ?

A Learned controversy is waging on the question whether the
Buddhist Nirvana, or summum bonum, means a " blowing-out" or an
" absorption." An estimable and accomplished gourmand, (dating
from the Ship at Greenwich,) informs us that in Ms opinion the sum-
mum bonum is a judicious union of both, and also that there are more
Buddhists in London than Bishops imagine.

The Ruling Passion.

As a trap to catch some golden sunbeams of success in England, the
Russians speak of the " advantages " their scheme of radways offers as
a " guaranteed investment." Now we have great reluctance to express
ourselves offensively, but we must say, that we think this throwing of
the hatchet makes us somewhat doubtful if they really can have
buried it.

Morbid Philanthropy of Advertising! — Don't Beat your
Carpets!