Punch (32.1857)

222 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Mat 30, 1857.

Wednesday. The Commons got through some uninteresting business,
but some petitions were presented highly interesting to the parties
concerned, namely, Election Petitions. The time for presenting them
has expired, and there are nearly Sixty. So it is probable that Mr.
Dod will have to issue a supplement to his admiraole Parliamentary
Companion.

Thursday. The Lords being all at the evening service appointed for
Ascension Day by the Book of Common Prayer, of course could not
assemble for secular purposes.

The Commons, though they gathered, did so to hear a sermon from
the Reverend Mr. Spooner upon Maynooth. His own friends did
not muster strongly, there being_ actually only Newdegate and one
other gentleman on the Opposition benches during the oration, but
his enemies came in greater force, and, on division, in lieu of the
triumph once epically recorded by Mr. Punch, the valiant Spooner
was defeated by 125 to 91, and, what was worse, nobody would reply
to him. Mr. Punch would like to calm Mr. Spooner's mind in
reference to his terrors about the Catholics, if that honourable gentle-
man cannot see that while Punch exists any triumph for Popery
is impossible. Punch is worth more than a hundred of Exeter Halls
to Protestantism. When Cardinal Wiseman and his accomplices
have, with great labour and pains, spun a cobweb for the entrapping of
the lieges, Mr. Punch smiles, and pokes his stick through it, and the
Cardinal is obliged to take refuge in anonymous pamphleteering,
instead of boldly printing his name like Mr!Punch. But it seems that
Mr. Spooner is afraid lest the Irish priests, having been taught
treason at Maynooth, should practise it. Bless Mr. Spooner's soul,
suppose an Irish priest conceived the idea of becoming a traitor, nay,
had convinced his whiskified conscience that he ought to be one, a
vision would come across him of Mr. Justice Keogh, or some other
Catholic judge, who, if the worthy father carried his idea into effect,
would, without the faintest reverence for the teaching of Maynooth,
consign him to the cord or the convict-ship. Now, if the priest had
really been properly instructed in Jesuitry, he would know that "self-
defence against a cruel judge is not only a right but a duty," and
consequently, that he is bound to keep his treason to himself, " provided
only that he is a traitor in Intention." Dear Mr. Spooner, what
danger need Queen Victoria apprehend from the disciples of
Escobar, with judges on the bench, and Mr. Punch in Eleet Street ?

Sir Richard Bethell introduced his Bill for dealing with Fraudu-
lent Trustees, and, moreover, as Mr. Punch expected, announced that
he would prosecute the Directors of the British Bank, who, it may be
presumed, have obtained their passports. Sir Richard was anxious
to impress on the House that he had not come to this determination
in consequence of any newspaper dictation. Of course not, but Ap

SINGERS IN THE SAWDUST.

LL well bred persons
are aware it is con-
sidered vulgar to
express surprise,
but _ however we
may_ jeopardise our
fashionable reputa-
tion, we must really
own to feeling some
astonishment on
hearing that an
opera had been per-
formed on horse-
back. Having seen
Macbeth liippodra-
matised at Astley's,
and having read how
Richard II. has been
mounted (iu the
episode procession
scene) at the Prin-
cess's, we have
grown somewhat
. accustomed to find

ohakspeare m the sawdust; but we must confess we were con-
siderably startled to learn that Verdi had been put into the saddle.
It took us quite two minutes to recover respiration when we
heard II Trovatore had been done at Astley's, and that as it was
" supported by the whole strength of the stud," there was a strong
hope of its having a good run. Even yet we confess we scarcely can
imagine a prima donna upon horseback, and, as it certainly would seem
to us, taking an airing while giving us her airs. Nor can we fancy
how the tender tenor can possibly pursue the even tenour of his way,
when he thus is brought to such a jog-trot existence; and we cannot
think, if he be shaky in his seat, how he can contrive to sing at all
with firmness. Even an Astleyian steed will caper now and then, and
every such prance must cause a tremolo concerted movement of the
voice together with the body of the rider: so that in the execution of
a rondo round the Circus, there would probably be many more snakes
introduced than the most florid of composers ever dreamed of.

If the experiment succeed (and we may at least congratulate the
management upon its acting on the maxim, Fiat experimentwn in cor-
Ithell had read Ap Punch, though, who pledges his health in the Pore rerdl>> ot course we soon shall find it ha& been followed, and
fnll™„ <r\M nf rrUw (He. drink, ) eveiT circus-master of the horse will become for the time a smgmg

following glass of cwrw. (He drinks.)

Friday. Lord Panmure stated that he was nearly ready with a
complete system of education for the officers of the Army. What a
delightful change is in prospect. Imagine the day when, going per
rail from London to Woolwich, with a lot of young officers, Mr. Punch,
instead of being merely amused with biographies of rat terriers,
speculations whether Jones will get his step, suggestions of remedies
for being blessed seedy, comparisons between the ancles of dancers,
eulogies on Mr. Paul Bedford, and recommendations to read Pell's
Life about the Slashing Butterman, Mr. Punch shall be instructed
with parall Is between Eabius and Sir Charles Napier, descriptions
of the siege of Rhodes, essays on castrametation, discussions on
military engineering, citations from the Duke's Despatches, and
analyses of Mr. William Russell's lectures !

The Commons, after attending to the Princess Royal in the
manner already stated (Mr. Roebuck and the Wiscount objecting,
but giving way, and the vote being unanimous) took more Navy
Estimates, and passed the Transportation Bill. Lord Palmerston
announced that the House would not sit on the day on which our
" Isthmian Games " were celebrated, meaning, as it was necessary to
explain to divers railway members, officers, and others, the Derby Day.

MEAT AND DRINK.

Swept, in his immortal Tale of a Tab, represents Peter as trying to
persuade his brothers, Martin and Jack, that a cut off a loaf was a
slice of mutton, and not only that, but also a glass of wine. The fol-
lowing advertisement, which has lately appeared, may be imagined to
have emanated from Peter:—

j^/JOUTON, an excellent Dessert Claret, 36s. per doz.

This advertisement may suggest a riddle, and occasion some wag to
ask, what that is which may be drunk at dessert and eaten at dinner ?
In imbibing Mouton wine, the archaeologist will be reminded of a good
old English beverage. Whilst he is, as it were, drinking Sheep, he will
remember that his ancestors were accustomed to quaff Lambswool.

smgmg

master also. Perhaps Don Giovanni wfll tread next in the hoof prints
of // Trovatore (and we would walk a mile ourselves to see the
Leporello of Lablache a-straddle !). La Sonnambtda might also be
"equestrianly illustrated;" and the walk over the water-wheel an-
nounced as a "daring feat of equitation." Of all Operas, however,
the Beggars' is most suited to be set on horseback ; and we are sure
Maclieath would be quite certain of a hit, by continually tumbling off
two bare-backed steeds, and singing—

Oh, how happy could i be on either,

Were t'other fleet courser away :
But when trying to ride both together,

On neither a moment i stay !

Of course where a ballet or a ball-scene occurs, as, for instance, in
Roberto or Gustavus, there might be introduced a set of equestrian
quadrilles, or perhaps a polka by performing ponies : and by way of a
finale, some hurdles might be brought, over which the vocalists might
jump to a conclusion.

Literature in America.

" In America," said Mr. Justice Halliburton at the Literary
Eund banquet, "the author flattered the public, and the public flattered
the author, and there was no honesty between them." We should
rather say for our English selves—" in America, the author is robbed
by the public, and whatever honesty may remain is wholly and indi-
visibly on the author's side." Eor flattery, read moral felony, and the
sentence is, we think, greatly improved.

Humboldt Honoured!

Baron Humboldt, majestic in years and wisdom, has at length
achieved the very summit of all earthly greatness. Prince Napoleon,
before leaving Berlin, in the name of the Emperor op the Erencu,
conferred on the author of Kosmos, the decoration of—a Grand Officer
of the Legion of Honour. It is said that the Emperor op Hayti has
commissioned the ebony Baron Jean Simon, his Ambassador at the
English Court, to confer upon Sir Roderick Murchison the Most
Noble Order of the Black Beetle.