DOI Heft:
June 6, 1857
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16619#0232
224
June 6, 1857.
the Wiscount seconded him, that the Princess Royal's income should and I conquered India, he had his Apelles, but do you pretend to be
cease as soon as she became Queen of Prussia. The feeling of the one? Hang and burn your insolence.
Pauper Lunatic Asylums, m which it appears that all the horrors of J Napier, in answer to a proposal to make him a Peer of the Realm.
which we read with a shudder as having been permitted, m other £C A/r T w.,, .... , ,
years, in England, are in rampant existence. Scotland is too drunken I . My Lord,-^ ithout inquiring whether terror rather than appre-
a country not to have much lunacy in it, but is so religious a country cl^on liai Ponced your offer to make me a peer, I beg to say that
that it ought to see that the unhappy victims of whiskey and Calvinism J, I accept a beggarly Barony, I perfectly comprehend the desire
are duly cared for exists on the part of the Court and the Government to muzzle me
ThP W nf thV Armv Estimates were taken, and the Commons 1 ,with a coronet, and I acknowledge the compliment. 1 only consent to
The rest of the Armv Estimates were taken, and the Commons mu d kroner, ana i aexnoweage tne compliment, i only consent
llnw^ the ^arrmle nf the Lords in sei.aratin- for the Whitsuntide ™ a mf.re ,Baron &\ a £me «f ^e wherj Wellington was an Earl
the distinct understanding that it any slavish sycophant or foul-mouthed
bully receives similar honour with myself, I am at once created a
Duke. Also, I will not be made at the same time with that respectable
fool, Robinson.
" Your obedient Servant, G. Napier, Governor-General.'"
followed the example of the Lords m separating for the Whitsuntide
recess.
THE NAPIER LETTER-WRITER.
modelled on the epistolary productions of that distinguished
family of martyrs.
A Napier, in answer to a petition for a lock of his hair.
" My dear Matilda-Jane,—It is much too grey, thanks to the
j brutal ingratitude of a nation and its rulers. I would rather send jou
A Napier, in answer to a tradesman's circular requesting patronage. some hair out of the tail of my bonny old horse, though he may be
" gIK —Take back your blatant £rey T°o, f°r y°u would hardly believe it, but a horse which had carried
manifesto. Whether its con- M£ f°r tw0 years was refused free quarters in the parks and stables at
tents state truth or falsehood, Windsor Castle for the rest of his life. Man and horse, we are alike
you insult an ill-paid man by trampled on, pr should be if they dared do it. However, here's my
invit in" him to make purchases, bair, ai)d set it in thick gold, for fear it should stand on end some day,
and therefore you may go to and break the locket, on hearing you read in some paper that the
the father of lies. jackass and idiot, Lord D--, has received the Garter. A rope
" A "NTapt-ft?" would be better, in which he would dangle nicely, to frighten the birds
a iNAPiER, . from my early peas.
Bombardier-General. J 1 (t ««. .■ , , tj at n „ ; n„„„~„i»
Affectionately, H. JNapier, Lonsul-General.
A Napier, in answer to an . ,T . . ,T
Invitation to Dinner. A Napier, m answer to a Newspaper Editor.
" Dear Brown — You have ' ^IE'—Blow and confound your atrocious and supercilious audacity.
asked me to dinner three times Wuy> you iie> man- xt was 011 tne a0tl1 °f ^P"1' not 1 lle lst of Mal»
whereas! have asked you but as you alsgustnigly state, that I first wore black bieeches, and with
twice This assumption of su sucl1 a Preposterous blunder at the outset of your beastly article, what
nerinritv is either deeradine reliauce can be placed on the rest? Drink your ink, blackguard, and
Fgnorance or beSly efco^l ^ * over
and either alternative compels Yours, obediently, I. Napier, Advocate-General.
me to say, that I will see you
hanged first. Your anticipatory
excuse that I should, by going,
meet Jones, makes matters
worse. Why should I meet
that, ineffable humgufnn and
treacherous parasite ?
" Yours, B. Napier,
" Quartermaster-General."
A Napier, in answer to an offer of an Opera Box.
"Dear Madam,—I cannot suppose that you meant to annoy me,
by proposing that I should have a box on a night when a new opera is
given tor the first time. To your husband, of course, 1 attribute the
insult of sending me on Thursday, on the chance of the production
being good or bad, reserving t Saturday box for yourselves, should
the work be worth hearing, i am no vile body on which experiments
may be tried, and I beg to return the card, which looks as creased and
dirty as if you had tried half a dozen persons before you thought of
" Yours, truly, C. Napier, Paymaster-General"
A Napier, in answer to a request for an Autograph.
C'D. Napier, Adjutant-General, desires his valet, Matthew
Trembles, to say that the impertinent demand for D. Napier's auto-
fraph can only have emanated from some abject tool of Government,
esirous to forge a despatch in the name of D. Napier, and whom he,
tneieiore tnus Dames. ( an(J other eminent persons too sensible to attend, and among them
A Napier, in answer to an entreaty for his vote and interest in an from " the Lord Mayor who relumed the ticket." Bravo Lord
Orphan As yumElection. , Mayor ! Fancy the impudence of the Alliance fanatics mmvimg he
t£Q T1 , - , , , , • Lord Mayor himself to assist at their tomfoolery! Did they imagme
biR,—1 know nothing of you or the brat that you patronise, and ; tjjat ^ey were g0ing j-0 persuade the civic monarch, at the Mansion-
therefore refuse; but I foresee that you will make my doing so the ; House dinners, to send round the Loving Cup filled with ginger-pop,
groundwork of a lying statement that I am hostile to children, whereas 1 an(j to ^&n^ nothing better than toast and water for the toast, and for
I adore them. I am accustomed to slanders, and you may do your every 0thei toast of the evening?
worst, and go to Pandemonium. j
" Yours, E. Napier, Inspector-General"
The Future Queen of Prussia.
A NAriER, in answer to an application to be permitted to paint his \ Mr_ Bowyer proposed that, on the event of the Princess Royal
Picture. becoming Queen of Prussia, her annuity paid by England should
" Sin,—I won't. My place is under canvas, not on it, and those cease. Was not this an attempt by anticipation, to rob the Crown of
who have chosen to forget me in the one position, shall not be re- Prussia of its very richest jewel; for what other jewel could be found
minded of me in the second. Besides, you are impudent. Alexander in that somewhat seedy diadem worth £8,000 a-year P
WISDOM OE THE LORD MAYOR.
In the report of the ridiculous meeting held the other evening by
the United Kingdom ^ Alliance, in Exeter Hall, to welcome the med-
dlesome Mr. Dow—who wishes to befool Britons into putting them-
selves under the restraint of his Liquor Law—we find that the Rev.
Dawson Burns read letters of apology from the Bishop of London
June 6, 1857.
the Wiscount seconded him, that the Princess Royal's income should and I conquered India, he had his Apelles, but do you pretend to be
cease as soon as she became Queen of Prussia. The feeling of the one? Hang and burn your insolence.
Pauper Lunatic Asylums, m which it appears that all the horrors of J Napier, in answer to a proposal to make him a Peer of the Realm.
which we read with a shudder as having been permitted, m other £C A/r T w.,, .... , ,
years, in England, are in rampant existence. Scotland is too drunken I . My Lord,-^ ithout inquiring whether terror rather than appre-
a country not to have much lunacy in it, but is so religious a country cl^on liai Ponced your offer to make me a peer, I beg to say that
that it ought to see that the unhappy victims of whiskey and Calvinism J, I accept a beggarly Barony, I perfectly comprehend the desire
are duly cared for exists on the part of the Court and the Government to muzzle me
ThP W nf thV Armv Estimates were taken, and the Commons 1 ,with a coronet, and I acknowledge the compliment. 1 only consent to
The rest of the Armv Estimates were taken, and the Commons mu d kroner, ana i aexnoweage tne compliment, i only consent
llnw^ the ^arrmle nf the Lords in sei.aratin- for the Whitsuntide ™ a mf.re ,Baron &\ a £me «f ^e wherj Wellington was an Earl
the distinct understanding that it any slavish sycophant or foul-mouthed
bully receives similar honour with myself, I am at once created a
Duke. Also, I will not be made at the same time with that respectable
fool, Robinson.
" Your obedient Servant, G. Napier, Governor-General.'"
followed the example of the Lords m separating for the Whitsuntide
recess.
THE NAPIER LETTER-WRITER.
modelled on the epistolary productions of that distinguished
family of martyrs.
A Napier, in answer to a petition for a lock of his hair.
" My dear Matilda-Jane,—It is much too grey, thanks to the
j brutal ingratitude of a nation and its rulers. I would rather send jou
A Napier, in answer to a tradesman's circular requesting patronage. some hair out of the tail of my bonny old horse, though he may be
" gIK —Take back your blatant £rey T°o, f°r y°u would hardly believe it, but a horse which had carried
manifesto. Whether its con- M£ f°r tw0 years was refused free quarters in the parks and stables at
tents state truth or falsehood, Windsor Castle for the rest of his life. Man and horse, we are alike
you insult an ill-paid man by trampled on, pr should be if they dared do it. However, here's my
invit in" him to make purchases, bair, ai)d set it in thick gold, for fear it should stand on end some day,
and therefore you may go to and break the locket, on hearing you read in some paper that the
the father of lies. jackass and idiot, Lord D--, has received the Garter. A rope
" A "NTapt-ft?" would be better, in which he would dangle nicely, to frighten the birds
a iNAPiER, . from my early peas.
Bombardier-General. J 1 (t ««. .■ , , tj at n „ ; n„„„~„i»
Affectionately, H. JNapier, Lonsul-General.
A Napier, in answer to an . ,T . . ,T
Invitation to Dinner. A Napier, m answer to a Newspaper Editor.
" Dear Brown — You have ' ^IE'—Blow and confound your atrocious and supercilious audacity.
asked me to dinner three times Wuy> you iie> man- xt was 011 tne a0tl1 °f ^P"1' not 1 lle lst of Mal»
whereas! have asked you but as you alsgustnigly state, that I first wore black bieeches, and with
twice This assumption of su sucl1 a Preposterous blunder at the outset of your beastly article, what
nerinritv is either deeradine reliauce can be placed on the rest? Drink your ink, blackguard, and
Fgnorance or beSly efco^l ^ * over
and either alternative compels Yours, obediently, I. Napier, Advocate-General.
me to say, that I will see you
hanged first. Your anticipatory
excuse that I should, by going,
meet Jones, makes matters
worse. Why should I meet
that, ineffable humgufnn and
treacherous parasite ?
" Yours, B. Napier,
" Quartermaster-General."
A Napier, in answer to an offer of an Opera Box.
"Dear Madam,—I cannot suppose that you meant to annoy me,
by proposing that I should have a box on a night when a new opera is
given tor the first time. To your husband, of course, 1 attribute the
insult of sending me on Thursday, on the chance of the production
being good or bad, reserving t Saturday box for yourselves, should
the work be worth hearing, i am no vile body on which experiments
may be tried, and I beg to return the card, which looks as creased and
dirty as if you had tried half a dozen persons before you thought of
" Yours, truly, C. Napier, Paymaster-General"
A Napier, in answer to a request for an Autograph.
C'D. Napier, Adjutant-General, desires his valet, Matthew
Trembles, to say that the impertinent demand for D. Napier's auto-
fraph can only have emanated from some abject tool of Government,
esirous to forge a despatch in the name of D. Napier, and whom he,
tneieiore tnus Dames. ( an(J other eminent persons too sensible to attend, and among them
A Napier, in answer to an entreaty for his vote and interest in an from " the Lord Mayor who relumed the ticket." Bravo Lord
Orphan As yumElection. , Mayor ! Fancy the impudence of the Alliance fanatics mmvimg he
t£Q T1 , - , , , , • Lord Mayor himself to assist at their tomfoolery! Did they imagme
biR,—1 know nothing of you or the brat that you patronise, and ; tjjat ^ey were g0ing j-0 persuade the civic monarch, at the Mansion-
therefore refuse; but I foresee that you will make my doing so the ; House dinners, to send round the Loving Cup filled with ginger-pop,
groundwork of a lying statement that I am hostile to children, whereas 1 an(j to ^&n^ nothing better than toast and water for the toast, and for
I adore them. I am accustomed to slanders, and you may do your every 0thei toast of the evening?
worst, and go to Pandemonium. j
" Yours, E. Napier, Inspector-General"
The Future Queen of Prussia.
A NAriER, in answer to an application to be permitted to paint his \ Mr_ Bowyer proposed that, on the event of the Princess Royal
Picture. becoming Queen of Prussia, her annuity paid by England should
" Sin,—I won't. My place is under canvas, not on it, and those cease. Was not this an attempt by anticipation, to rob the Crown of
who have chosen to forget me in the one position, shall not be re- Prussia of its very richest jewel; for what other jewel could be found
minded of me in the second. Besides, you are impudent. Alexander in that somewhat seedy diadem worth £8,000 a-year P
WISDOM OE THE LORD MAYOR.
In the report of the ridiculous meeting held the other evening by
the United Kingdom ^ Alliance, in Exeter Hall, to welcome the med-
dlesome Mr. Dow—who wishes to befool Britons into putting them-
selves under the restraint of his Liquor Law—we find that the Rev.
Dawson Burns read letters of apology from the Bishop of London