DOI Heft:
January 30, 1858
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16621#0055
January 30, 1858.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
47
CRITICISM MADE PLEASANT.
E have not the least scruple in printing
the following correspondence, inas-
much as it is of the class which people
always show and often publish, namely,
" confidential."
To Mr. Punch,
Dear Sir,—It would be idle to
A TALE OP CHEAP TROUSERS.
A Tale, if you please, gents, I '11 venture to tell
Of a case which at Worship Street lately befell,
Where a poor half-starved creature, named Emily Druce,
Was dragged by a knight of the thimble and goose.
A tailor whose name is of world-wide renown,
Who keeps a Clothes-Mart at the East-end of Town,
Gave cloth, that some Trousers thereof might be made,
offer any compliments to your talented To one Barnett Harris, concerned in the trade,
pen, which has, as it deserves, a world-1 .
ide reputation. Permit me therefore j ^or making them, Harris demanded one bob.
w
to show, at once, how I appreciate its j However he only did part of the job,
ability and its power. And handed the rest ol it over to Mears,
" I am, as you are probably aware,j A- lower subordinate man of the shears,
an actor about to make my debut in mk -.«-«,,,„ i, ■ r, -n l ^
London. I well know the value of. Z°}^t * ^ fY% 81xpen?e tiie \r0?ers to do'
approbation from a first-class journal, j gui Mears in Ins turn got a deputy too,
„ „..,, . , rv* , i j fm' Who received lor performing the task m his stead,
« Will you do me the honour to accept the encosed P jvate box for Threepence-halfpenny sterling, twist, needles, and'thread,
my opening night, and as a gentleman ol your distinction ought | * a> 5 >
not to walk to the theatre, will you also accept the enclosed cheque Thig was Emily Dkttce, witn a smau C^M to feed .
(£25) for cab-hire ? Her husband had bolted and left her in need.
" 1 shall look with great interest to the number ot your paper which 'Gainst hunger whose conscience for long will hold out ?
will appear after my performance.
" I have the honour to be, dear Sir,
" Your obliged Servant,
" January 20." "Bogus Bellow."
The Trousers, when finished, she put up the spout.
The secret behold of the slopseller's trade !
You see how those very cheap Trousers are made ;
By grinding the workpeople down to the dust,
Henceforward you'll pause ere you buy them, we trust.
" To B. Bellow, Esq.
" Sir,—I have received an audacious and offensive letter purporting Now who was the tailor, and where did he dwell,
to be from ycu, and tendering me the bribe of £25 to puff you as an Who ordered the Trousers ?—you '11 ask me to tell,
actor. Supposing you to be the writer of this letter, I have simply to If his mart you would find, to the Minories go :
inform you that your utter ignorance of the character of the British Of course what his name is you'll swear that you know,
critic is your only excuse for your impudent effrontery, and I am, Sir,
" lour obedient Servant,
" January 21." " Virtuous Punch."
" To V. Punch, Esq.
" My Dear Sir,—I am deeply grieved and shocked that my care-
Jessness in writing, and inadequate expression of my meaning should
have elicited from you the severe letter which I have just received.
" Believe me, Sir, nothing could be further from my meaning than
to presume to imagine that such a sum of money as I ventured to offer,
or any other sum, could for a moment sway you in pronouncing judg-
ment upon my humble efforts. I hope that I am better aware of the
dignity and honour of the critical calling. I simply meant to offer you
-an inadequate token of my high esteem and regard.
" Pray forgive me, and in proof that you do so, pray retain the trifling
•cheque, and that I may not seem to try to place you under the sem-
blance of an obligation, will you, at an idle half-hour, dash off an
article, no matter how brief, upon the drama and its prospects, which
shall be inserted in a local paper, the Editor of which is good enough
to agree with me upon subjects of the kind.
"1 am sure that you will bear no malice, and will pardon the indis-
creet way in which I approached a British critic.
" I am, dear Sir, yours most devotedly,
" January 21." "Bogus Bellow."
To B. Bellow, Esq.
_ "Dear Sir,—That is quite another story, and I enclose you a few
lines on the subject you wish treated.
" Yours faithfully,
" January 22." " Virtuous Punch."
And so far you 're right, but there stop, or you '11 make
A conjecture which may be a perfect mistake ;
There are many more Hebrews of that name than one :
'Twas Moses—but not, it seems, Moses and Son.
" A WOMAN'S THOUGHTS ABOUT WOMEN."
A Clever book has been published under the above title, but we
do not see what necessity there was to publish such a book at all. A
gentleman only has to attend a tea-table, and he is sure, before the first
cup of Bohea has gone round, to hear what a "Woman's Thoughts"
are " about Women." Generally speaking, the " Thoughts " expressed
are not of the friendliest nature; for Woman, as judged by her own
sex, is by no means the beautiful, divine creature, that poets delight in
imagining her. However, the book we have honoured by mentioning,
is perfectly free from scandal and ill-nature, and is so sensible in most
of its observations, and at the same time so gentle in its reproofs, that,
really a man might have written it. There isn't a squeeze of satire in
it, and so old maids, who rush to its pages in the hopes of finding
something spiteful, will be grievously disappointed. The Work ought
to be on every lady's tea-tray.
THE COURTS ABOVE AND BELOW.
When Orpheus visited the shades below,
And played the fiddle in the realms of woe,
The stone of Sisyihus, half-way up hill,
Bested awhile; Ixion's wheel was still.
Then Tantalus his thirst no longer felt,
The Euries even were constrained to melt,
Pluto forgot the roast he had to rule,
It is only necessary to add that the article may or may not have
appeared in the local paper, and that Mr.Punch will be deeply shocked if And, for a'season, Phlegethon was coo]
« series of favourable notices of Mr. Bogus which may appear in these In modern phrase, Old Nick, and aU his crew,
columns should be in any way maliciously connected with his little Eorbore their occupation to pursue,
negotiation with Mr. B. So when our Princess, whom good luck betide,
Became the heir of Hohenzollern's bride,
Did Chancery proceedings intermit,
Delicate Precaution. Queen's Bench and Common Pleas refuse to sit,
nv*i,„ ■ f.i -n iw jr i j ii Exchequer's Court its business also stay:
difltw %TS ° f ie ^-ya ^ 6idTg' P^cards wereposted along the And all the lawyers took a holiday,
dirlerent corridors ot Buckingham Palace, informing the distinguished J
foreign guests, in three different languages, that—" Smoking would ---------
not be allowed until after the ceremony." gQ it Wag Rude
Lord Palmerston was the other day repeating the saying which
gained him so much approbation in the sewerage-debate, namely, that
" Dirt- was only matter in the wrong place." The Lord Priyy Seal
said that it was the rudest speech he had ever heard.
a seasonable court revel.
That a Drawing Boom should be held on the 30th instant is proper
enough. High jinks are peculiarly suitable to a fast day.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
47
CRITICISM MADE PLEASANT.
E have not the least scruple in printing
the following correspondence, inas-
much as it is of the class which people
always show and often publish, namely,
" confidential."
To Mr. Punch,
Dear Sir,—It would be idle to
A TALE OP CHEAP TROUSERS.
A Tale, if you please, gents, I '11 venture to tell
Of a case which at Worship Street lately befell,
Where a poor half-starved creature, named Emily Druce,
Was dragged by a knight of the thimble and goose.
A tailor whose name is of world-wide renown,
Who keeps a Clothes-Mart at the East-end of Town,
Gave cloth, that some Trousers thereof might be made,
offer any compliments to your talented To one Barnett Harris, concerned in the trade,
pen, which has, as it deserves, a world-1 .
ide reputation. Permit me therefore j ^or making them, Harris demanded one bob.
w
to show, at once, how I appreciate its j However he only did part of the job,
ability and its power. And handed the rest ol it over to Mears,
" I am, as you are probably aware,j A- lower subordinate man of the shears,
an actor about to make my debut in mk -.«-«,,,„ i, ■ r, -n l ^
London. I well know the value of. Z°}^t * ^ fY% 81xpen?e tiie \r0?ers to do'
approbation from a first-class journal, j gui Mears in Ins turn got a deputy too,
„ „..,, . , rv* , i j fm' Who received lor performing the task m his stead,
« Will you do me the honour to accept the encosed P jvate box for Threepence-halfpenny sterling, twist, needles, and'thread,
my opening night, and as a gentleman ol your distinction ought | * a> 5 >
not to walk to the theatre, will you also accept the enclosed cheque Thig was Emily Dkttce, witn a smau C^M to feed .
(£25) for cab-hire ? Her husband had bolted and left her in need.
" 1 shall look with great interest to the number ot your paper which 'Gainst hunger whose conscience for long will hold out ?
will appear after my performance.
" I have the honour to be, dear Sir,
" Your obliged Servant,
" January 20." "Bogus Bellow."
The Trousers, when finished, she put up the spout.
The secret behold of the slopseller's trade !
You see how those very cheap Trousers are made ;
By grinding the workpeople down to the dust,
Henceforward you'll pause ere you buy them, we trust.
" To B. Bellow, Esq.
" Sir,—I have received an audacious and offensive letter purporting Now who was the tailor, and where did he dwell,
to be from ycu, and tendering me the bribe of £25 to puff you as an Who ordered the Trousers ?—you '11 ask me to tell,
actor. Supposing you to be the writer of this letter, I have simply to If his mart you would find, to the Minories go :
inform you that your utter ignorance of the character of the British Of course what his name is you'll swear that you know,
critic is your only excuse for your impudent effrontery, and I am, Sir,
" lour obedient Servant,
" January 21." " Virtuous Punch."
" To V. Punch, Esq.
" My Dear Sir,—I am deeply grieved and shocked that my care-
Jessness in writing, and inadequate expression of my meaning should
have elicited from you the severe letter which I have just received.
" Believe me, Sir, nothing could be further from my meaning than
to presume to imagine that such a sum of money as I ventured to offer,
or any other sum, could for a moment sway you in pronouncing judg-
ment upon my humble efforts. I hope that I am better aware of the
dignity and honour of the critical calling. I simply meant to offer you
-an inadequate token of my high esteem and regard.
" Pray forgive me, and in proof that you do so, pray retain the trifling
•cheque, and that I may not seem to try to place you under the sem-
blance of an obligation, will you, at an idle half-hour, dash off an
article, no matter how brief, upon the drama and its prospects, which
shall be inserted in a local paper, the Editor of which is good enough
to agree with me upon subjects of the kind.
"1 am sure that you will bear no malice, and will pardon the indis-
creet way in which I approached a British critic.
" I am, dear Sir, yours most devotedly,
" January 21." "Bogus Bellow."
To B. Bellow, Esq.
_ "Dear Sir,—That is quite another story, and I enclose you a few
lines on the subject you wish treated.
" Yours faithfully,
" January 22." " Virtuous Punch."
And so far you 're right, but there stop, or you '11 make
A conjecture which may be a perfect mistake ;
There are many more Hebrews of that name than one :
'Twas Moses—but not, it seems, Moses and Son.
" A WOMAN'S THOUGHTS ABOUT WOMEN."
A Clever book has been published under the above title, but we
do not see what necessity there was to publish such a book at all. A
gentleman only has to attend a tea-table, and he is sure, before the first
cup of Bohea has gone round, to hear what a "Woman's Thoughts"
are " about Women." Generally speaking, the " Thoughts " expressed
are not of the friendliest nature; for Woman, as judged by her own
sex, is by no means the beautiful, divine creature, that poets delight in
imagining her. However, the book we have honoured by mentioning,
is perfectly free from scandal and ill-nature, and is so sensible in most
of its observations, and at the same time so gentle in its reproofs, that,
really a man might have written it. There isn't a squeeze of satire in
it, and so old maids, who rush to its pages in the hopes of finding
something spiteful, will be grievously disappointed. The Work ought
to be on every lady's tea-tray.
THE COURTS ABOVE AND BELOW.
When Orpheus visited the shades below,
And played the fiddle in the realms of woe,
The stone of Sisyihus, half-way up hill,
Bested awhile; Ixion's wheel was still.
Then Tantalus his thirst no longer felt,
The Euries even were constrained to melt,
Pluto forgot the roast he had to rule,
It is only necessary to add that the article may or may not have
appeared in the local paper, and that Mr.Punch will be deeply shocked if And, for a'season, Phlegethon was coo]
« series of favourable notices of Mr. Bogus which may appear in these In modern phrase, Old Nick, and aU his crew,
columns should be in any way maliciously connected with his little Eorbore their occupation to pursue,
negotiation with Mr. B. So when our Princess, whom good luck betide,
Became the heir of Hohenzollern's bride,
Did Chancery proceedings intermit,
Delicate Precaution. Queen's Bench and Common Pleas refuse to sit,
nv*i,„ ■ f.i -n iw jr i j ii Exchequer's Court its business also stay:
difltw %TS ° f ie ^-ya ^ 6idTg' P^cards wereposted along the And all the lawyers took a holiday,
dirlerent corridors ot Buckingham Palace, informing the distinguished J
foreign guests, in three different languages, that—" Smoking would ---------
not be allowed until after the ceremony." gQ it Wag Rude
Lord Palmerston was the other day repeating the saying which
gained him so much approbation in the sewerage-debate, namely, that
" Dirt- was only matter in the wrong place." The Lord Priyy Seal
said that it was the rudest speech he had ever heard.
a seasonable court revel.
That a Drawing Boom should be held on the 30th instant is proper
enough. High jinks are peculiarly suitable to a fast day.