Punch (34.1858)

68 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [f*™™" 13, 185S.

WEDDING FAVOURS.

T will be no news to the
intelligent reader (and who-
ever reads Punch becomes
intelligent of course by the
mere fact of his doing so)
to hear that on the mar-
riage of the Princess
Royal the favours which
were worn were omni-na-
tionally numerous. We are
no policeman, nor is our
office a police-office; but
" from information we re-
ceived " some weeks before
the ceremony, we guessed
it, would take upwards of
six billion balls of cotton
to make the bridal favours
which had even then been
ordered ; and we hazarded
a bet with a young lady we
were flirting with, that the
needles which would be
made use of in the sewing
would, if forged into a
column of the thickness of
the Nelson one, quite over-
top St. Paul's with the
Monument above it. To
those who know how know-
ingly we always make a
book, it is needless.to relate
that we have won our wager, which it is as needless to remark has not been paid us. Prom
statistics we have gathered, we have amply verified the guesses we had made, and are enabled
too to state, without much fear of contradiction, that the number of button-holes adorned
upon the wedding-day was more than the fastest of steam-calculating machines could have
reckoned in a week, although working night and day at it; and that the white ribbon which
was thus consumed would have reached in double fold from London to Berlin, and left
enough to spare to be festooned in lover's knots around three-fourths of the Leviathan.

But besides the countless favours which were worn upon the wedding-day, there were
myriads of favours done, or if not done, intended, which m some degree, it strikes us, were
owing to its influence. _ People all were in such splendidly good spirits, and the bumps of
their benevolence so jollily developed, that to ask a friend a favour seemed that day to be
conferring one. Of the thousand and one millions which have come within our knowledge,
our space will only suffer a selection of the following:—

Plain Mr. Williams, the M.P. for Lambeth, received the favour of a call from three of
his Constituents, to congratulate the undishonourable gentleman on his fortunate escape
from sitting in the Cabinet with Lord Privy Seal Clanricarde, to which the title he rejected
might have possibly exposed him.

A " Happy Man," who had been writing to the Times of the ease with which he'd
married andexisted some three months upon three hundred pounds a-year, received the
favour of a visit from nine hungry country cousins, who had " run up," as they all told him,
"to see the grand folks, and thought they'd just look in and take a bit of dinner with him."
\_N.B. By way of caution to intending frugal marriers.—The cousins having all of them come
up with country appetites of more than two horse power, the "Happy Man" is forced to
give up puddings for a fortnight, in order to make up for the beefsteaks they demolished.]

Count de Morny did the Editors of Seven of the threatened but not yet extinct Prench
Papers the favour of explaining, that their life had been spared on condition of their only
publishing stale news, and not alluding to events of more political importance than a speech
by Mr, Spooner on a Currency debate, or the gathering at Christmas of a Gigantic Early
Gooseberry.

Mr. Moshesii, as a favour, let a gent of his acquaintance have a box at the Opeia for the
night of the State visits. In the hurry of business, Mr. Moshesh mistook somehow the
right side for the left, and the favoured individual discovered he was placed, at five and
twenty guineas, just above the Royal Party, in a box which had unluckily turned out to be
the wrong box.

Invalided Colonel Straw, the Bold Outlaw of Basinghall Street, was kind enough to
favour some few dozen of his creditors with a photograph, to show them how jolly well he's
looking, thanks to change of air and Continental diet.

An extremely bilious writer for the Saturday Review had some idea of favouring an unen-
lightened universe with an exposition of his views upon things and men in general, and our
national progression towards the dogs in particular ; and had primed himself with several
fine old classical quotations, with a view of showing off his College education; when a sudden
determination of wisdom to the head induced him to do the greater favour to the universe
of giving himself a holiday in honour of the wedding, and not writing a line of the article
he thought of.

Mr. Spurgeon called together a choice flock of his believers, and was good enough to do
them the favour to explain, that his objection to promiscuous or male-cum-female dancing,
applied only to its practice in the lower social circles; and would not deter him from
saltation at the next Princess's wedding, in case be be invited to the nuptial State festivities.

The amateur dramatic writer, Mr. Snoozeley, having been invited to a party on the
wedding night, had intended to favour the assembled company with a reading from his melo-

drama, The Doomed One of Damascus: a clumsy
pickpocket however did them much the greater
favour, by abstracting the M.S. from Mr.
Snoozeley's paletot, as he was walking to the
house by way of the iUuminations.

Mr. Cox favoured some of the most staunch
of his supporters with a statement of his late
attendances in Parliament, as contrasted with
those of Lord Wat Tyler Palmerston -y
proving most completely, to his own satisfaction,
that in virtue of his being much more often at
his post, he clearly is the better man to be en-
trusted with the Premiership.

Old Mr.Moneybags, the millionnaire of Chink
Street, had the favour of a call from a score of
poor relations, who thought that the occasion of
the Princess Roy'al's marriage was a chance
for an appeal for something to get jolly on.

Mr. Hooker haying notified that on the 25th
he would favour his creditors with a statement
of his prospects, became so nervous as the time
for meeting them approached, that he was forced
to try the favour of adjournment for a day or
two, and has since, it is believed, quitted Eng-
land for the diggings.

Lord Spoonington, the ex-attache' to Lord
Muddel, was favoured by a visit from sixteen
of his relations, in congratulation of- his chance
of being K.C.B.'d, now that its concession to
the gallant Colonel Phipps has shown, the title
will be granted to only those who merit it.

The Emperor of the Erench had some
idea of asking if Lord Palmerston would be
so good as just to favour him by sending every
foreigner in England packing out of it; and by
allowing the Parisian police to keep up branch
establishments in all parts ot Great Britain, with
power to use their search warrants and send
their spies on secret service into any public
house or private they suspected. On second
thoughts, however, the Emperor determined to
consult Mr. Punch before asking for this favour,
and Mr. Punch politely stating that he wished
most sincerely that his Majesty might get it,
his Majesty allowed his better sense to get the
better of him.

Mr. Motjthek., having leave to give the
health of the young couple, kindly favoured his
hearers with a speech of twenty minutes, which
stopped no less than nine of the nicest of flirta-
tions, and made eleven hungry gentlemen, who
were waiting for their supper, declare that they
would write to the Times the next morning.

The favour Mr. Smudgeon asked a bosom
friend to do for him was to make himself a model
for a picture of Caractacus. But the bosom
friend, on finding he'd to sit in semi-nudity and
handcuffs, put in a plea of rheumatism as being
a sufficient ground for his refusal of the favour.

Mr. Hardtjp took advantage of the day, being
a holiday, to pen a very eloquent appeal to his
wife's cousin, only nineteen times removed, to
beg that " in remembrance of their intimate
relationship, he would do them both the favour
to accept the enclosed." (The_ enclosed being a
draught upon a ten shilling bill stamp, Mr. H.
having borrowed the half sovereign on purpose.)

Erank Easygo, the briefless but expectant
Chancellor, received the favour of til Ccill from
the Mamma of his intended, to inquire what his
intentions were to his wife's mother, supposing
that she gave her consent to the match; and to
further ascertain if, in making out his estimate
of housekeeping expenses, he had left sufficient
margin for the possible event of her billeting
herself and lap-dog on his larder.

The greatest favour Mr. Punch did the world
upon the wedding-day, was to go to press as
usual with the Number of good things where-
with every week Merry England is made merry.
As spokesman for the nation, Mr. Punch_ had
been most happy in expressing its well-wishes
for the Royal happy couple ; and his opinion on
the favour thus conferred upon his country, he
modestly confesses, cannot but be favourable.