Punch (34.1858)

February 13, 185?.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

69

NEW POLICE DIVISIONS.

I WOULD NOT USE SO HARSH
A WORD.

(Mr Commissioner Fane's suggestion to Sir Charles
Rushout. In re Henry and Cheslyn Hall.)

I Would not use so harsh a word,
I would not say, He stole;

N imperial decree has just ap-
peared in Paris for the crea-
tion of five great military
commands, whose duties are
to extend over the preservation

°f Purdf> .and the annihilation I LfTt ^"such language here be heard ;

of liberty,in theBntuh Emp.re. | Display more self-control.

One division will be the entire An urchia be said to steal

area of Leicester Square and A pocket-handkerchief;

the surrounding neighbourhood No liesitation need we feel

of disaffection A moral sam- In caUi Mm a thief>
tary cordon is to be established

round Mr. Wyld's Globe. All A. man may steal a horse, a sheep,

the cafes, where patriotic songs ^» ox, an ass, a pig ;

are poured out at so much a Ave hold so base a fellow cheap —

tasse, are to be closed, and any e call a prig a prig,

one wearing a long beard will Ot stealing gold-dust we may talk,

instantly fall under La Loi des \ Or such an one, may say,

Suspects, and be rased to the
ground accordingly. The other
military divisions will be, it is
said, the quartiers de Soho, of
Birmingham, Guernsey, and
Jersey. There is, also, a short
supplementary decree reserv-
ing to the Imperial Govern-
ment the privilege of appoint-

Stole Port St. Peters,"who did walk.
With certain trunks away.

The servant you may felon call
Who bolted with your plate ;
Your lawyer, when he sunk your all,

Bid but appropriate.
He stole ! —keep phrases so severe

For rogues of lower range,
Such as the boy you sent for beer,

e.

ing the different officers of the 1 Wko pocketed your chan

House ot Commons, and ot

naming the servants to the Conveyancers, if they the trust
Beform Club, and other places, Ot your estate betray,

•where seditious opinions maybe uttered. These officers and servants will be mouchards By no means steal it—only just
and espions who have distinguished themselves under the Napoleon regime. Telegraphs y |iat the wise call convey,

are to communicate between the five districts and the Ministry of Police in Paris. Each Solicitors, your cash who use,

commander selected wiil be a most determined Buonapartist Marshal of strong Anglo- nr ii nts' t'10USa bereft

pliobian sentiments. French police-courts, with French magistrates, will also be amongst Ot all your substance, don't, acci
the new order of things, so that cases brought under their notice may be tried on the spot, Ot shameful common theft,

and punishment inflicted without any irritating loss of time. These arrangements, we As Conquerors who operate
are informed, are only waiting for the ratification of Loud Palmerston. We fancy they Upon a mighty scale

are likely to wait.

RED-HOT BIGOTRY AND COOL IMPUDENCE.

So lawyers, when they speculate

With clients' funds and fail,
Widows and orphans dispossess ;

But say not that they rob ;
You could affirm no more nor less

Our Ultramontane contemporary, the Tablet, has for some time drawn in its horns, Of any vulgar snob,

and kept its tail between its legs. Last week, however, in an article mildly deprecating _ , , . ., ,

the impolicy which Nana Sahib's journal, the Nation, has evinced by howling its hatred llespect the daring magnitude,

for England and sympathy with the Sepoys too loudly, the organ of priestly tyranny in Ireland ~ -^ue vastness ol their crime ; ^

-made a considerable exhibition of the cloven foot. For the following is an extract from u%fme not'11 exPres.sions ruce,

the article in question; and has not the Tablet put its foot into it ?— tt- , e goners so sublime

,. ., Jt . ,,, High as the eagle, Bapme s bird,

"If, indeed, the English cou'd be drowned in the sea for twenty-four hours, or if a strong delusion could be Acnirprl that Inftv unnl •

made to seize upon them like that which has so lately seized the Caffres, so that they would first destroy their , _ ^"P"cU UUdl lOil,\ 6>Olll ,

own property and food, and then die of hunger, we could understand the feelings that would make EQen rejoice, j 1 would not Use SO harsh a WOld,
tven as the Israelites rejoiced when Pharaoh and the Egyptians perished in the waters." I would not Say, He Stole.

Subsequently, in the same article, occurs the following passage. It really does, it is the____

Tablet's own text, and not the comment thereon of Mr. Punch:—

"But at any rate we have the pleasure of knowing that we have written nothing which has served the tidttitc tt » vn rfDmAT -p-r? * ttt,v
enemies of Ireland and Catholicity." LM I I>il ' ' ' • '

Has the Tablet on its staff some Jesuit whose sense of humour has got the better of his
hypocrisy, and compelled him to grin, manifestly, at the thought of his own villany ? The
sentiment of the above quotation is perhaps unparalleled, unless by the devout thankfulness
for his humility expressed by Richard the Third.

We, to be sure, ought to be devoutly thankful that there exist such admonitory organs as
the Tablet and the Univers. Battle-snakes are great evils, but they would be greater were
it not for their rattles.

Biters Bit.

" Mr. Punch, Sir,—Give us a comer in your walleable colums will yer, to say a word of
warnin to them as it may consarn. I won't say wy—but I've reason to believe that some
gents is in the abbit of keeping hall the bad silver they takes to pay cabbies wot overcharges
'em the difference between what they asks and the legle fare. Nothin' more shabby I can't
conceive ; and there ain't no other remedy as I nose of than for coves as tries it on upon a
fare to look sharp and take care they don't, as the sayin is, get a ' roland for a holliver.'

" Sir, your most obedient,

" Spotted Dog, Feb. 1S5S." " Here You Are."

The Berlin Charivari contains the following
humorous remarks on English beauty:—

" Each nation thinks itself the handsomest in the world.
We paint the devil black ; the b'acks will have him whi'e.
Miss Pastrano delights in her beard, aud every English-
man thinks his red-haired, crooked-nosed, rabbit-toothed,
goggle-eyed, loose-legged calfiess IhUcinea, the very per-
fection of human beauty."

Not quite that. Not so perfect as the raven-
haired, Grecian-nosed, white-and-sound-toothed,
sloe-eyed, neat-legged young Teutonic lady, with
such pretty little feet and ankles at the ends
of her legs. Of course the Prussian Charivari's
notion of an English girl is a bit of fun; com-
plimentary irony: and we are sure our fair
countrywomen will feel highly honoured by the
mock-depreciation of our cousin German.

Extraordinary Oversight.—We are sorry to say, that our Scotch contemporaries have
not paid Prince Frederick William the compliment which we expected for him at their
hands. Not one of them, that we know, has published the assertion that the Prince
numbers a Scotchman amongst his ancestors.

Wiseman's Great Boast—After all, Cardi-
nal Wiseman's great boast is:—" Civis Romanus
sum," which, translated literally, means, " I
am a Boman citizen ; " or, in other words, " a
Subject of the Pope."