DOI issue:
January 2, 1858
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16621#0017
January 2, 1858.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
MY FLORA.
a fashionable pastoral.
i,,, ell me, Gentles, have
you seen
My Flora pass this
way ?
That you may know
the Miss I mean,
Her briefly I '11 por-
tray.
No bonnet on her
head,
But on her neck she
wears:
An oyster-shell 'tis
said
In size with it com-
pares.
Its shape no eye can
brook,
Its use is doubtful
too;
It but imparts a
barefaced look,
And brings much
cheek to view.
Her dress may please
the Swell
For its swoln exu-
berance :
She looks a Monster Belle
In such Big Ben expanse.
Those air-tubes filled with gas
Might lift her to the moon ;
The small boys mark it as they pass,
And screech out: " Ah Bal-loon !'
LITERARY INTELLIGENCE.
Through the courtesy of a Clairvoyant, we are enabled to announce,
that among the novelties of literature which are in active preparation
and will shortly be forthcoming, a work will be produced of so
singular a character that we expect it will be J ooked upon as perfectly
unique. The book will be entitled Rides and Reveries in a Chelsea
Omnibus, and the suspicion of plagiary which the name conveys will in
some degree be realised in the body of tke work. We are not at
liberty, as yet, to divulge more of the contents than what we actually
know; but, so far as guesswork enatfes us to judge, the style is
strongly marked by that elaborate ccn^seness in which the author of
Proverbial Verbosity is so exuberantly irnitful: and there are abundant
imitations of those "tedious brief" sentences, and ponderously worded
levities for which the style Tupperian is so sufficiently notorious.
It is, however, not so much for its intrinsic literary merit, as for the
manner of its composition, that the work is to be viewed as such a
singular production. Its title to uniqueness rests upon the fact that
the book has been composed, and actually written, in the intervals of
stoppage between Chelsea and the Bank of the slowly-moving vehicle
from which its title is derived. The author, in his preface, states that,
being of Scotch parentage, and a business man to boot, he has naturally
learned to look at time us money, and on economic principles is averse
to ever wasting it. Having ascertained that in his journeys to the
City he was sustaining, on an average, a daily loss of full three hours
sixteen minutes and a quarter, it seems he was not easy in his mind
until he'd hit upon a plan of turning this waste time to a profitable
account. By a lucky thought at length it occurred to him to copy
that great legal luminary, who is reported to have written a six quarto-
volume treatise in the various "half minutes" his wife took to put her
bonnet on; which small odds and ends of time he would otherwise have
been compelled irretrievably to waste. Taking a leaf out of this
remarkable production (by the way, will Notes and Queries tell us
where and when the book was published? our Judy utterly refuses to
believe in its existence), the writer of the Reveries has wisely turned
his omnibus delays to literary uses, and has completed what, in bulk at
least, may be fairly viewed as a companion work. Instead of idly
wasting time in comminating the Conductor, he has sensibly employed
it in jotting down a sentence; and when getting out of temper at the
stoppages en route, by composing a few paragraphs he has composed
A parasol she bears himself. Some notion may be formed of the average delay he has
For ornament, not use: experienced per diem, when we state that, notwithstanding he affirms
For comfort gloves she wears that he is rather slow in thinking, his three months' Reveries extend to
Too tight, and sleeves too loose. i upwards of six hundred closely-printed pages ; and in an Appendix to
Behind her hangs a hood j hls work he gives a tabulated statement of the points at which his 'bus
Just level with her chin, : invariably stops, whether hailed or not, and the average length of time
An Indian Squaw might find it good j which is taken up at each. As a proof that he has made himself
To put a baby in. acquainted with the subject, he states, that such are the delays he is
continually exposed to, he would even back himself in less than three
days' constant riding to read entirely through a " leader" in the
Saturday Review.
Somewhat doubting his ability to do this latter wonder, we give
unqualified approval to his performance of the literary feat he
has succeeded in accomplishing, and we doubt not, when the work
is submitted to the public, our opinion will as usual be accepted as
correct. We trust it is superfluous to offer a suggestion that the
Directors of the Company to which the omnibus belongs should have a
presentation copy of the book. It is to their system of slow travelling,
combined with surety of delay, that we must hold ourselves indebted
for the composition of the work, and while their omnibuses take such
time upon the road, all thinking men must view them, not as personal
conveyances, but merely vehicles for thought.
Of her hair she shows the roots,
Sham flowers the rest conceal;
And she's crippled by her boots
With the military heel:
Streets off you hear them stalk
Whene'er she ventures out;
And she seems to waddle more than walk
Her hoops so sway about.
Her figure may be good,
But that no eye can tell;
A mere lay-figure would
Show off her dress as well.
She may have ankles neat,
But they're concealed by skirt,
Which chiefly serves ^ iiide her feet,
And gather up the dirt.
Then, Gentles, have you seen
My Flora this way come ?
She cannot have unnoticed been,
She takes up too much room !
The Last Moments of Leadenhall Street.
Old Oriental Man. I've just been looking at the clock of the East
adia Company.
His Oriental Toady. Well, and what did you see, pray ?
Old Oriental. This solemn fact, Sir,—Its Hours are Numbered !
HISTORICAL CHRONOLOGY.
Compiled by M. P. Cox.
a.d. 1—1857. Wars of the Roses waged between these dates, and
ended by the defeat of the Russians at the Battle of the Boyne and
the Ratification at Rouen of the Peace of Amiens.
a.d. 925. Accession of the Good Queen Mary upon the decollation
of King James the First.
a.d. 1001. Final Defeat of the Roundheads at the Battle of Aus-
terlitz.
a.d. 1196. Drowning of the Duke of Clarence by his butler,
Malmsey.
a.d. 1588. Restoration of King Charles the Third after the
Defeat of Joan of Arc at the Battle of Marengo.
a.d. 1777. Discovery of America by Sir Walter Raleigh, in
company with Admiral Drake and Captain T. P. Cooke,
cure for corpulence. a.d. 1799. Spanish Armada towed into Ramsgate Harbour, by Lord
Bribe a London postman to allow you to act as his substitute. A Alexander Columbus, after the Battle of CiiHoden.
few weeks of the early rising and exercise necessitated by this employ- a.d. 1800. Death of Frederick the Great at Botany Bay, after
lent, will reduce your figure to the proportions of an Apollo.
his removals from St. Elba and the Castle of Otranto.
1—2
MY FLORA.
a fashionable pastoral.
i,,, ell me, Gentles, have
you seen
My Flora pass this
way ?
That you may know
the Miss I mean,
Her briefly I '11 por-
tray.
No bonnet on her
head,
But on her neck she
wears:
An oyster-shell 'tis
said
In size with it com-
pares.
Its shape no eye can
brook,
Its use is doubtful
too;
It but imparts a
barefaced look,
And brings much
cheek to view.
Her dress may please
the Swell
For its swoln exu-
berance :
She looks a Monster Belle
In such Big Ben expanse.
Those air-tubes filled with gas
Might lift her to the moon ;
The small boys mark it as they pass,
And screech out: " Ah Bal-loon !'
LITERARY INTELLIGENCE.
Through the courtesy of a Clairvoyant, we are enabled to announce,
that among the novelties of literature which are in active preparation
and will shortly be forthcoming, a work will be produced of so
singular a character that we expect it will be J ooked upon as perfectly
unique. The book will be entitled Rides and Reveries in a Chelsea
Omnibus, and the suspicion of plagiary which the name conveys will in
some degree be realised in the body of tke work. We are not at
liberty, as yet, to divulge more of the contents than what we actually
know; but, so far as guesswork enatfes us to judge, the style is
strongly marked by that elaborate ccn^seness in which the author of
Proverbial Verbosity is so exuberantly irnitful: and there are abundant
imitations of those "tedious brief" sentences, and ponderously worded
levities for which the style Tupperian is so sufficiently notorious.
It is, however, not so much for its intrinsic literary merit, as for the
manner of its composition, that the work is to be viewed as such a
singular production. Its title to uniqueness rests upon the fact that
the book has been composed, and actually written, in the intervals of
stoppage between Chelsea and the Bank of the slowly-moving vehicle
from which its title is derived. The author, in his preface, states that,
being of Scotch parentage, and a business man to boot, he has naturally
learned to look at time us money, and on economic principles is averse
to ever wasting it. Having ascertained that in his journeys to the
City he was sustaining, on an average, a daily loss of full three hours
sixteen minutes and a quarter, it seems he was not easy in his mind
until he'd hit upon a plan of turning this waste time to a profitable
account. By a lucky thought at length it occurred to him to copy
that great legal luminary, who is reported to have written a six quarto-
volume treatise in the various "half minutes" his wife took to put her
bonnet on; which small odds and ends of time he would otherwise have
been compelled irretrievably to waste. Taking a leaf out of this
remarkable production (by the way, will Notes and Queries tell us
where and when the book was published? our Judy utterly refuses to
believe in its existence), the writer of the Reveries has wisely turned
his omnibus delays to literary uses, and has completed what, in bulk at
least, may be fairly viewed as a companion work. Instead of idly
wasting time in comminating the Conductor, he has sensibly employed
it in jotting down a sentence; and when getting out of temper at the
stoppages en route, by composing a few paragraphs he has composed
A parasol she bears himself. Some notion may be formed of the average delay he has
For ornament, not use: experienced per diem, when we state that, notwithstanding he affirms
For comfort gloves she wears that he is rather slow in thinking, his three months' Reveries extend to
Too tight, and sleeves too loose. i upwards of six hundred closely-printed pages ; and in an Appendix to
Behind her hangs a hood j hls work he gives a tabulated statement of the points at which his 'bus
Just level with her chin, : invariably stops, whether hailed or not, and the average length of time
An Indian Squaw might find it good j which is taken up at each. As a proof that he has made himself
To put a baby in. acquainted with the subject, he states, that such are the delays he is
continually exposed to, he would even back himself in less than three
days' constant riding to read entirely through a " leader" in the
Saturday Review.
Somewhat doubting his ability to do this latter wonder, we give
unqualified approval to his performance of the literary feat he
has succeeded in accomplishing, and we doubt not, when the work
is submitted to the public, our opinion will as usual be accepted as
correct. We trust it is superfluous to offer a suggestion that the
Directors of the Company to which the omnibus belongs should have a
presentation copy of the book. It is to their system of slow travelling,
combined with surety of delay, that we must hold ourselves indebted
for the composition of the work, and while their omnibuses take such
time upon the road, all thinking men must view them, not as personal
conveyances, but merely vehicles for thought.
Of her hair she shows the roots,
Sham flowers the rest conceal;
And she's crippled by her boots
With the military heel:
Streets off you hear them stalk
Whene'er she ventures out;
And she seems to waddle more than walk
Her hoops so sway about.
Her figure may be good,
But that no eye can tell;
A mere lay-figure would
Show off her dress as well.
She may have ankles neat,
But they're concealed by skirt,
Which chiefly serves ^ iiide her feet,
And gather up the dirt.
Then, Gentles, have you seen
My Flora this way come ?
She cannot have unnoticed been,
She takes up too much room !
The Last Moments of Leadenhall Street.
Old Oriental Man. I've just been looking at the clock of the East
adia Company.
His Oriental Toady. Well, and what did you see, pray ?
Old Oriental. This solemn fact, Sir,—Its Hours are Numbered !
HISTORICAL CHRONOLOGY.
Compiled by M. P. Cox.
a.d. 1—1857. Wars of the Roses waged between these dates, and
ended by the defeat of the Russians at the Battle of the Boyne and
the Ratification at Rouen of the Peace of Amiens.
a.d. 925. Accession of the Good Queen Mary upon the decollation
of King James the First.
a.d. 1001. Final Defeat of the Roundheads at the Battle of Aus-
terlitz.
a.d. 1196. Drowning of the Duke of Clarence by his butler,
Malmsey.
a.d. 1588. Restoration of King Charles the Third after the
Defeat of Joan of Arc at the Battle of Marengo.
a.d. 1777. Discovery of America by Sir Walter Raleigh, in
company with Admiral Drake and Captain T. P. Cooke,
cure for corpulence. a.d. 1799. Spanish Armada towed into Ramsgate Harbour, by Lord
Bribe a London postman to allow you to act as his substitute. A Alexander Columbus, after the Battle of CiiHoden.
few weeks of the early rising and exercise necessitated by this employ- a.d. 1800. Death of Frederick the Great at Botany Bay, after
lent, will reduce your figure to the proportions of an Apollo.
his removals from St. Elba and the Castle of Otranto.
1—2