DOI issue:
February 2, 1861
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16867#0054
46
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[February 2, 1861.
WE DON'T BELIEVE A WORD OE IT.
It seems that the housekeepers at several of the Govern-
ment- offices have the privilege of selling beer to the clerks;
and it is also said (for it does not come within our know-
ledge either to endorse or repudiate the scandal), that the
clerks are not above availing themselves of the said pri-
vilege rather frequently during the course of the day. A
disappointed old gentleman, who has been in the habit for
the last six months of waiting on business at most of
the Government offices, and by this time is rather tired!
of his fruitless occupation, says that this habit of periodical
drinking may account for the conduct of most of the young
clerks being so extremely overbeering. It only proves
what savage things the absence of a little common civility
and attention will sometimes expose gentlemen of educa-
tion to be accused of, on the part of those whose vindic-
tiveness is all the more deeply embittered by their igno-
rance, though we must say, that an ignorant person is-
somewhat apt to be a little vindictive after he has been
kept waiting uselessly for half an hour. However, gentle-
men clerks of the Government offices, we ask you whether
this charge, which seems to take its bitterness from the
beer that is said to be dispensed, be true or not ? Hot
true, of course! We fully expected as much from gentle-
men of your recognised abilities and notoriously high
standing; and, to exonerate ourselves from any participa-
tion in the above wicked scandal can only say that we
shall be most happy to give up the name and address of
the elderly gentleman who has furnished us with the above
information to any one, who, from the altitude of a-Govern-
ment stool, applies for the same.
WANTED A SPONSOR,
Lord P. “ What again, Mrs. Russell? Really-
One of the Service.
Who says that our Officers are not scllolhrs ? A real
Swell, the other day, actually quoted the words Bum ilia
messorum, and actually translated them, too,—“I always
have indigestion after dining at mess ! ”
The First Rule on PlEcord.—The Rule that Nep-
tune (then sitting in Banco) gave to Britannia to rule the
waves. The Rule has been made absolute ever since.
THE REALITY OE CLOUD-LAND.
“ Dear Mr. Punch,
“ Some time ago you made some observations on the deformed
skulls lately found at Wroxeter, representing them as probably being
the skulls of ogres, like Cokmoran, and Blunderbore, and the other
monsters exterminated by Jack the Giant Killer.
“ You wili be grieved to hear that those remarks of yours have
incurred the severe condemnation of a local genius, a Mr. Peacock, who
on account of them, has denounced you in a Guide Book to ‘The Won-
derful City of TJriconium,’ as a ‘flippant and ignorant writer,’ who
has made ‘ a gratuitous attack upon what is serious and scientific,’ and
that ‘in language equally absurd and indelicate.’ You maybe alive
after all his invective, but, if you read it, you will be very ill for some
time. The effect, Mr. Punch, of the squall of Peacock will be a
squeak for you.
“ Never mind. You have a mind which is conscious of being always
in the right. Allow me to call your attention t,o a fact which strongly
corroborates the view propounded by you that nursery romance, so
called, is real history. I allude to the coloured rain which fell at
Sienna, on the 28th of December last, and whereon M. Giovanni
Campani has just published a letter, addressed to the celebrated Pro-
fessor Matteucci. An account of the phenomenon is given in the
Times. On the day and at the place above-named, three distinct
showers of red rain fell; the first of them lasting two hours. Again
on the 31st of December, and once more on the 1st of January, it
rained a species of red ink. You are, no doubt, aware that the same
thing has often occurred before. The nature of the red stuff in the
rain varies. At Blankenburg, in 1819, it is stated to have been chloride
of cobalt. In this instance the water has been ascertained by Pro-
fessors Gabrielli and Campani to contain no cobalt at all. It must,
however, be a chemical solution of something, for it deposits no
sediment, which it would do if the redness consisted of animalcules
or fungi.
“ Now, Sir, you know likewise that there are such things as meteoric
atones, and also that frogs and fish are credibly related to have fallen
out of the air. Whirlwinds and waterspouts have been supposed to
explain the showers of fish aud frogs; but whirlwinds will not explain
the fall of stones and red rain, any more than they would explain a rain
of cats and dogs, which we believe to be possible—do we not ?
“ I need not point out to you—though I may to my readers—the
strong corroboration that the descent of so many different things from
the sky affords to the popular legend of Jack and the Bean-Stalk. I
dare say it will turn out that the red matter in the rain which fell at
Sienna is, I was going to say, the blood of a giant shed by some modern
climber of an aerial bean-stalk which may still be growing in some
part of the world. But no. The red particles of the giant’s blood
would have subsided. Allow me to advise Campani and Gabrielli to
test the doubtful fluid for alcohol. It is, perhaps, some of the giant’s
genuine claret, which he may have spilt himself, or which has escaped
from his bottle, the champion perhaps having knocked it over.
“ This is a suggestion calculated to make a Peacock flutter, and
ferociously cock up the plumes of his fantail. Let your friend Peacock
rather put it in his pipe and smoke it.
“ I am, dear Punch, a whole hog Spiritualist, and your constant
reader, “ Pides ”
“ P.S. Talk ot Table Rapping! I believe we shall have tables and
chairs, ay, and coalscuttles, and fire-irons, and all manner of domestic
furniture, utensils, goods, and chattels, tumbling down upon us one of
these days. I fully expect that there will ere long occur a raiu of
unknown coin, which must convince the most sceptical. ^ When we do
have a golden shower, I only hope it will fall in my way.”
The Chinese Campaigner.
(To his Ladye Love.)
I give thee all, I can no more,
Though poor the offering be;
My heart and loot is all the store
That I can give to thee.
Teetotal Chemistry.—Great absorbents are small reflectors.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[February 2, 1861.
WE DON'T BELIEVE A WORD OE IT.
It seems that the housekeepers at several of the Govern-
ment- offices have the privilege of selling beer to the clerks;
and it is also said (for it does not come within our know-
ledge either to endorse or repudiate the scandal), that the
clerks are not above availing themselves of the said pri-
vilege rather frequently during the course of the day. A
disappointed old gentleman, who has been in the habit for
the last six months of waiting on business at most of
the Government offices, and by this time is rather tired!
of his fruitless occupation, says that this habit of periodical
drinking may account for the conduct of most of the young
clerks being so extremely overbeering. It only proves
what savage things the absence of a little common civility
and attention will sometimes expose gentlemen of educa-
tion to be accused of, on the part of those whose vindic-
tiveness is all the more deeply embittered by their igno-
rance, though we must say, that an ignorant person is-
somewhat apt to be a little vindictive after he has been
kept waiting uselessly for half an hour. However, gentle-
men clerks of the Government offices, we ask you whether
this charge, which seems to take its bitterness from the
beer that is said to be dispensed, be true or not ? Hot
true, of course! We fully expected as much from gentle-
men of your recognised abilities and notoriously high
standing; and, to exonerate ourselves from any participa-
tion in the above wicked scandal can only say that we
shall be most happy to give up the name and address of
the elderly gentleman who has furnished us with the above
information to any one, who, from the altitude of a-Govern-
ment stool, applies for the same.
WANTED A SPONSOR,
Lord P. “ What again, Mrs. Russell? Really-
One of the Service.
Who says that our Officers are not scllolhrs ? A real
Swell, the other day, actually quoted the words Bum ilia
messorum, and actually translated them, too,—“I always
have indigestion after dining at mess ! ”
The First Rule on PlEcord.—The Rule that Nep-
tune (then sitting in Banco) gave to Britannia to rule the
waves. The Rule has been made absolute ever since.
THE REALITY OE CLOUD-LAND.
“ Dear Mr. Punch,
“ Some time ago you made some observations on the deformed
skulls lately found at Wroxeter, representing them as probably being
the skulls of ogres, like Cokmoran, and Blunderbore, and the other
monsters exterminated by Jack the Giant Killer.
“ You wili be grieved to hear that those remarks of yours have
incurred the severe condemnation of a local genius, a Mr. Peacock, who
on account of them, has denounced you in a Guide Book to ‘The Won-
derful City of TJriconium,’ as a ‘flippant and ignorant writer,’ who
has made ‘ a gratuitous attack upon what is serious and scientific,’ and
that ‘in language equally absurd and indelicate.’ You maybe alive
after all his invective, but, if you read it, you will be very ill for some
time. The effect, Mr. Punch, of the squall of Peacock will be a
squeak for you.
“ Never mind. You have a mind which is conscious of being always
in the right. Allow me to call your attention t,o a fact which strongly
corroborates the view propounded by you that nursery romance, so
called, is real history. I allude to the coloured rain which fell at
Sienna, on the 28th of December last, and whereon M. Giovanni
Campani has just published a letter, addressed to the celebrated Pro-
fessor Matteucci. An account of the phenomenon is given in the
Times. On the day and at the place above-named, three distinct
showers of red rain fell; the first of them lasting two hours. Again
on the 31st of December, and once more on the 1st of January, it
rained a species of red ink. You are, no doubt, aware that the same
thing has often occurred before. The nature of the red stuff in the
rain varies. At Blankenburg, in 1819, it is stated to have been chloride
of cobalt. In this instance the water has been ascertained by Pro-
fessors Gabrielli and Campani to contain no cobalt at all. It must,
however, be a chemical solution of something, for it deposits no
sediment, which it would do if the redness consisted of animalcules
or fungi.
“ Now, Sir, you know likewise that there are such things as meteoric
atones, and also that frogs and fish are credibly related to have fallen
out of the air. Whirlwinds and waterspouts have been supposed to
explain the showers of fish aud frogs; but whirlwinds will not explain
the fall of stones and red rain, any more than they would explain a rain
of cats and dogs, which we believe to be possible—do we not ?
“ I need not point out to you—though I may to my readers—the
strong corroboration that the descent of so many different things from
the sky affords to the popular legend of Jack and the Bean-Stalk. I
dare say it will turn out that the red matter in the rain which fell at
Sienna is, I was going to say, the blood of a giant shed by some modern
climber of an aerial bean-stalk which may still be growing in some
part of the world. But no. The red particles of the giant’s blood
would have subsided. Allow me to advise Campani and Gabrielli to
test the doubtful fluid for alcohol. It is, perhaps, some of the giant’s
genuine claret, which he may have spilt himself, or which has escaped
from his bottle, the champion perhaps having knocked it over.
“ This is a suggestion calculated to make a Peacock flutter, and
ferociously cock up the plumes of his fantail. Let your friend Peacock
rather put it in his pipe and smoke it.
“ I am, dear Punch, a whole hog Spiritualist, and your constant
reader, “ Pides ”
“ P.S. Talk ot Table Rapping! I believe we shall have tables and
chairs, ay, and coalscuttles, and fire-irons, and all manner of domestic
furniture, utensils, goods, and chattels, tumbling down upon us one of
these days. I fully expect that there will ere long occur a raiu of
unknown coin, which must convince the most sceptical. ^ When we do
have a golden shower, I only hope it will fall in my way.”
The Chinese Campaigner.
(To his Ladye Love.)
I give thee all, I can no more,
Though poor the offering be;
My heart and loot is all the store
That I can give to thee.
Teetotal Chemistry.—Great absorbents are small reflectors.