DOI Heft:
March 9, 1861
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16867#0105
March 9. 1861.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
97
A CONSUMMATION DEVOUTLY TO
BE WISHED.”
Abolition of Church-Rates !
I wish we could get it—
But Church rating’s a habit,
And who can upset it ?
There’s Broad-Church rates narrow,
High-Cliurch rates Low brother—
The Guardian and Record,
Are rating each other.
There’s Exeter Hall
Hates Turks, Papists and Jews ;
Convocation is rating
Th’ Essays and Reviews.
The Church rates the Chapel,
The Chapel the Church—•
Till seekers for Truth
Get perplexed in the search.
And meas’ring the value
Of things by their rarity,
Cry “ less of Church rating.
And more of Church charity.”
NEW LEATHERS, TOO!
Jones (very particular man). “ H’m ! This comes of bringing down a Bottle of Hunting
Varnish for a Friend!”
Sir W. Goodenough Hayter, M.P.
The Right Man in the Right Place.
Apropos of the “ Patronage Secretary,” ob-
served a scrupulous M.P. to Bernal Osborne,
“ I can’t understand how you contrive to fill up
the place. One would think everybody would be
either too good, or too bad for it.”
“ Exactly,” said Bernal. “ That’s precisely
the reason Hatter was the one man for the
work. He was “goodenough.”
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.
February 25, Monday. The Census of the Lords states that there
were seven of them present when John Lord Campbell took his seat,
but Mr. Punch’s threat has terrified the Peers, for at one time ihere
were sixty-seven This is better, but where were the others ? Lord
Stratford de Redcliffe entered into the Syrian question, on which
he wanted information, but Lord Wodeuouse declined to give him
any, on the ground that a Conference on the question was being held
in Paris. He was, however, happy to say that the Turkish Govern-
ment had been very energetic in punishing the Druses, though the
Christians had shown themselves a little unworthy of the protection
they had received, for as soon as the presence of troops had made them
safe, they had massacred 136 persons, of whom 25 were women and
86 children. But the lay Christians were milk-and-water people, com-
pared to the priesthood, the bishops having demanded the execution of
4,500 out of 11,000 Druses, and upon being requested to revise their
little butcher’s bill, had sent in a new claim for 1,200 lives. Lord
Wodehouse urged, therefore, that it was difficult to meet the views
of Oriental Christianity.
The Commons worked away at the Bankruptcy Bill, and some very
sensible things were said by various people. The Attorney-General
strongly condemned the conduct of rascals who give unlimited credit
to young men, and lead them into extravagance and profligacy, because
one day they will come into property, and he explained that he had no
idea of doing anything for such creditors. The merciful principle that
when a man has given up all that he has to his cieditors, he shall be
free for a fresh start in life, unmolested by old claims, was strongly
insisted on. The Committee had knocked off nearly 200 clauses before
rising. The Bill for bestowing the forfeited seats was read a Second
Time, Mr. Baxter claiming a Member for the Scottish Universities,
Mr. Bentinck protesting against there being any more Metropolitan
Members, who were an Inconvenience to the House, Mr. Peacock
proposing that the new Members should be elected by the working
classes, Mr. Blackburn ridiculing Chelsea and Kensington as places
where they grew only cauliflowers and asparagus, and various other Mem-
bers contradicting and abusing one another. The carrying the Second
Reading did not commit the House to the appropriation of the seats.
Tuesday. The Bishop of Oxford moved the Second Readings of two
Bills, designed for the protection of female purity among the humbler
classes; but both Bills were pooh-poohed out of the House by the
Lord Chancellor, Keeper of the Queen’s conscience, and by Lord
Granville, President of the Council.
Mr. Tom Duncombe gave notice, that when the Census shall have
been taken, he shall move the House upon the question of Reform.
Had not the Numerators better be told to append to the Census papers
this question for the Head of the Family—“What is the opinion of
yourself, Mrs Caput, Araminta, Julia, Charles, Tommy, and Baby
upon the British Constitution ? ” Sir C. Wood being asked, when the
Delhi and Lucknow prize-money would be distributed, replied, “As
soon as the Rolls have been sent from India.” A very proper answer,
as many of the poor soldiers are really in want of bread.
Cavalry and Artillery officers object to feed their horses, or rather
want to saddle the country with the expense of feeding their chargers.
The swell officers in the House of course severally intimated in the
most throaty manner that it was a cust inf— something shatr.e to make
fellahs pay—a—a—eight-pence ha’peny a day for their horses; but Mr.
Frederick Peel was unconvinced by throatiness, and reminded the
gallant parties that they had been good enough to accept their com-
missions and pay upon the understanding that this deduction was to
be made, and Mr. Bernal Osborne made some good fun at the
expense of the poor Cavalry officers who wanted “relief” out of the
money of the tax-pajers. The House eliminated the horsey proposition
by 213 to 56.
Mr. Hodgkin son brought in a Bill for preventing Frivolous De-
fences to Actions for recovery of small debts. The Solicitor-Gene-
ral promised to see whether the measure were harmless. It seems
rather foolish, for it proposes that a debtor shall not defend until he
has made an affidavit, that he has a good defence. A man who will
make a fraudulent defence will generally make a false affidavit, and
besides, if he happens to have any conscience, his attorney will remove
his scruples by assuring him that the affidavit is mere matter of lorm,
and indeed, more reasonably, by asking him how he knows whether a
defence is or is not good in law. Why, judges defend the plea of
“ Not Guilty,” on the ground that an ignorant criminal does not know
whether he is properly charged. The measure seems to Mr. Punch
as calculated to increase attorney’s costs, and when he hears of a Bill
of that kind he involuntarily bursts out into exquisite song, with words
that Madame Yestris as Don Giovanni used to deliver so brilliantly
some years ago. Mr. Punch remembers the words, because in those
days singers sang words, instead of making noises in imitation of
musical instruments :—-
“ I saw by the wigs that so greaselully curled,
All down their lank cheeks, that-they wanted a Fee,
And I said, if I had but a pound in the world,
Those demons of lawyers would take it from me.”
Yol. 40.
4
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
97
A CONSUMMATION DEVOUTLY TO
BE WISHED.”
Abolition of Church-Rates !
I wish we could get it—
But Church rating’s a habit,
And who can upset it ?
There’s Broad-Church rates narrow,
High-Cliurch rates Low brother—
The Guardian and Record,
Are rating each other.
There’s Exeter Hall
Hates Turks, Papists and Jews ;
Convocation is rating
Th’ Essays and Reviews.
The Church rates the Chapel,
The Chapel the Church—•
Till seekers for Truth
Get perplexed in the search.
And meas’ring the value
Of things by their rarity,
Cry “ less of Church rating.
And more of Church charity.”
NEW LEATHERS, TOO!
Jones (very particular man). “ H’m ! This comes of bringing down a Bottle of Hunting
Varnish for a Friend!”
Sir W. Goodenough Hayter, M.P.
The Right Man in the Right Place.
Apropos of the “ Patronage Secretary,” ob-
served a scrupulous M.P. to Bernal Osborne,
“ I can’t understand how you contrive to fill up
the place. One would think everybody would be
either too good, or too bad for it.”
“ Exactly,” said Bernal. “ That’s precisely
the reason Hatter was the one man for the
work. He was “goodenough.”
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.
February 25, Monday. The Census of the Lords states that there
were seven of them present when John Lord Campbell took his seat,
but Mr. Punch’s threat has terrified the Peers, for at one time ihere
were sixty-seven This is better, but where were the others ? Lord
Stratford de Redcliffe entered into the Syrian question, on which
he wanted information, but Lord Wodeuouse declined to give him
any, on the ground that a Conference on the question was being held
in Paris. He was, however, happy to say that the Turkish Govern-
ment had been very energetic in punishing the Druses, though the
Christians had shown themselves a little unworthy of the protection
they had received, for as soon as the presence of troops had made them
safe, they had massacred 136 persons, of whom 25 were women and
86 children. But the lay Christians were milk-and-water people, com-
pared to the priesthood, the bishops having demanded the execution of
4,500 out of 11,000 Druses, and upon being requested to revise their
little butcher’s bill, had sent in a new claim for 1,200 lives. Lord
Wodehouse urged, therefore, that it was difficult to meet the views
of Oriental Christianity.
The Commons worked away at the Bankruptcy Bill, and some very
sensible things were said by various people. The Attorney-General
strongly condemned the conduct of rascals who give unlimited credit
to young men, and lead them into extravagance and profligacy, because
one day they will come into property, and he explained that he had no
idea of doing anything for such creditors. The merciful principle that
when a man has given up all that he has to his cieditors, he shall be
free for a fresh start in life, unmolested by old claims, was strongly
insisted on. The Committee had knocked off nearly 200 clauses before
rising. The Bill for bestowing the forfeited seats was read a Second
Time, Mr. Baxter claiming a Member for the Scottish Universities,
Mr. Bentinck protesting against there being any more Metropolitan
Members, who were an Inconvenience to the House, Mr. Peacock
proposing that the new Members should be elected by the working
classes, Mr. Blackburn ridiculing Chelsea and Kensington as places
where they grew only cauliflowers and asparagus, and various other Mem-
bers contradicting and abusing one another. The carrying the Second
Reading did not commit the House to the appropriation of the seats.
Tuesday. The Bishop of Oxford moved the Second Readings of two
Bills, designed for the protection of female purity among the humbler
classes; but both Bills were pooh-poohed out of the House by the
Lord Chancellor, Keeper of the Queen’s conscience, and by Lord
Granville, President of the Council.
Mr. Tom Duncombe gave notice, that when the Census shall have
been taken, he shall move the House upon the question of Reform.
Had not the Numerators better be told to append to the Census papers
this question for the Head of the Family—“What is the opinion of
yourself, Mrs Caput, Araminta, Julia, Charles, Tommy, and Baby
upon the British Constitution ? ” Sir C. Wood being asked, when the
Delhi and Lucknow prize-money would be distributed, replied, “As
soon as the Rolls have been sent from India.” A very proper answer,
as many of the poor soldiers are really in want of bread.
Cavalry and Artillery officers object to feed their horses, or rather
want to saddle the country with the expense of feeding their chargers.
The swell officers in the House of course severally intimated in the
most throaty manner that it was a cust inf— something shatr.e to make
fellahs pay—a—a—eight-pence ha’peny a day for their horses; but Mr.
Frederick Peel was unconvinced by throatiness, and reminded the
gallant parties that they had been good enough to accept their com-
missions and pay upon the understanding that this deduction was to
be made, and Mr. Bernal Osborne made some good fun at the
expense of the poor Cavalry officers who wanted “relief” out of the
money of the tax-pajers. The House eliminated the horsey proposition
by 213 to 56.
Mr. Hodgkin son brought in a Bill for preventing Frivolous De-
fences to Actions for recovery of small debts. The Solicitor-Gene-
ral promised to see whether the measure were harmless. It seems
rather foolish, for it proposes that a debtor shall not defend until he
has made an affidavit, that he has a good defence. A man who will
make a fraudulent defence will generally make a false affidavit, and
besides, if he happens to have any conscience, his attorney will remove
his scruples by assuring him that the affidavit is mere matter of lorm,
and indeed, more reasonably, by asking him how he knows whether a
defence is or is not good in law. Why, judges defend the plea of
“ Not Guilty,” on the ground that an ignorant criminal does not know
whether he is properly charged. The measure seems to Mr. Punch
as calculated to increase attorney’s costs, and when he hears of a Bill
of that kind he involuntarily bursts out into exquisite song, with words
that Madame Yestris as Don Giovanni used to deliver so brilliantly
some years ago. Mr. Punch remembers the words, because in those
days singers sang words, instead of making noises in imitation of
musical instruments :—-
“ I saw by the wigs that so greaselully curled,
All down their lank cheeks, that-they wanted a Fee,
And I said, if I had but a pound in the world,
Those demons of lawyers would take it from me.”
Yol. 40.
4