DOI issue:
June 8, 1861
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16867#0237
Jove 8, 1861.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
229
Customer. “ That's rather dear, is n't it ?”
Foreman. *l Our customary charge, Sir, for hordinary hadults; hut as you are a
kundersized gent, we'll say 4 : 15.’
PONTIFF AND PRINCE.
The Pope can never go astray
In morals or in faith, they say;
Ilis word as Gospel men may take
’Pis always right, and no mistake.
By grace divine from error, sure
As eggs are eggs, is he secure;
His Bulls, from blunders wholly free,
Bespeak Infallibility.
Ear clearer than the lynx, he sees
Right through the cloudiest mysteries;
And all conceptions of his pate
Are, in so far, immaculate.
But though he is so wondrous wise
In all that Reason can’t comprise.
His Holiness is grossly dense
And purblind as to Common Sense.
Grant that he could pronounce a Saint
Originally free from taint,
And can as certainly decide
This soul or that beatified :
However, he could not predict
That Lamopiciere ’d be licked,
And faithful blood be shed in vain
His earthly kingdom to maintain.
The wearer of the Triple Hat,
In dogma safe, should stick to that;
lu State affairs too near a fool,
Should abdicate his mundane rule.
By all means let him, if he please.
Retain the Apostolic keys,
Only the Royal power forego
To lock up sinners here below.
Oh ! would he but contented be
W it h spiritual sovereignty.
In peace he would possess his own,
El or want Zouaves to guard his throne.
Come, Pitrs, do the proper thing,
Stand forth all Bishop ; sink the King.
Send your Prench janizaries home :
And yield to Caisar Caesar’s Rome.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Monday, May 27. This has been rather a peculiar week, and one
which will be remembered in Parliament, though the Outsiders either
undervalued or misunderstood the Little Game that was played. As
it has turned out, Ministers have not turned out, nor has there been
an announcement that Parliament must turn out, but both events were
on the cards. And the matter was in this wise.
The Conservatives in the Commons are exceedingly strong, numeri-
cally speaking (of course Mr. Punch does not mean intellectually) at
this moment; so strong, that a very small addition of numbers would
enable them to put Pam in a hole. Well, Lord Derby does not want
to take office, for the simple reason that by the time his men got warm
in their places, they would all have to move out again. But, on the
©ther hand, power is very pleasant, and it is agreeable to Lord Derby
and Mr. Disraeli to be able to say to the Government, “You may
stay in so long as you are good boys and do as we bid you, but remem-
ber that you are in only by our sufferance.” And an opportunity has
occurred for putting this lesson in lively colours before the Constable
and his men. There was an Irish grievance. It is called the Galway
Contract. Certain Irish folks solemnly undertook, for valuable consi-
deration, to do certain things in the way of mail-packeting. Of course,
they did not do them : and as, after a great many months, it becomes
clearer and clearer that the contract will be fulfilled in Irish fashion
only, which is Anyhow, and not as per bond, the Government repu-
diates the bargain. This specimen of brutal Saxon tyranny and
oppression has roused the Hibernian mind, especially the mind that
lives in the bodies that dwell near the district likely to he benefited by
the contract, and there was a Demonstration. Divers Irish Members
had the screw put upon them by various interests, and it became
necessary for them to please the populace by punishing the Premier
Now our friends the Conservative leaders beheld tins, and 1 bought
that it would be a Neat Thing in Politics to get a good party division
at the moment when the Irish soul was inflamed against Pam. So it
was decided to give new battle on the Budget. Not that the Budget
had anything in the world to do with the Galway Contract, but because
the votes of the persecuted Irish Members (for, to do the majority of
them justice, they are, as Captain Esmonds spiritedly said, “ gentle-
men,” and detest mob and priestly suasion) might be got into the
Lobby against Government.
So the battle was set, and on this Monday night exactly a dozen
speeches were delivered on the Paper-Duty question. Mr. Newdegate
had a lit,tie battery of his own, which he tired off in the early part of
the night; but his Conservative friends had other fish to fry, and left
him to be bombarded by an overwhelming force. He and Spooner,
however, stood to their guns, and were smashed up in a heap by 34 to
195. But when the blood-stained ruins of the Newdegatian Sebastopol
were cleared away, Mr. Ker Seymer came out with a resolution,
flatly negativing the proposition of the Chancellor or the X. to
abolish the Paper-Duty. As Mr. Punch hath said, twelve addresses
were delivered, which were ail about Paper, but which meant Galway.
At the end of the evening the Conservatives thought they were ail
right, and wanted to divide; but the Constable was too wide awake to
allow that, and the debate was adjourned till Thursday.
Eve of the Derby. The House sat till nearly nine, but who could give
attention to political business at such a crisis ? Dundee still first
favourite, because Mr. Punch's Prophecy had not appeared.
Derby Day. Mr. Punch's Prophecy appeared, and he stated that
Kettledrum would win. The result of the Race was, of course,—
Kettledrum.1
Dundee .3
Diophantus.8
Aurelian.4
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
229
Customer. “ That's rather dear, is n't it ?”
Foreman. *l Our customary charge, Sir, for hordinary hadults; hut as you are a
kundersized gent, we'll say 4 : 15.’
PONTIFF AND PRINCE.
The Pope can never go astray
In morals or in faith, they say;
Ilis word as Gospel men may take
’Pis always right, and no mistake.
By grace divine from error, sure
As eggs are eggs, is he secure;
His Bulls, from blunders wholly free,
Bespeak Infallibility.
Ear clearer than the lynx, he sees
Right through the cloudiest mysteries;
And all conceptions of his pate
Are, in so far, immaculate.
But though he is so wondrous wise
In all that Reason can’t comprise.
His Holiness is grossly dense
And purblind as to Common Sense.
Grant that he could pronounce a Saint
Originally free from taint,
And can as certainly decide
This soul or that beatified :
However, he could not predict
That Lamopiciere ’d be licked,
And faithful blood be shed in vain
His earthly kingdom to maintain.
The wearer of the Triple Hat,
In dogma safe, should stick to that;
lu State affairs too near a fool,
Should abdicate his mundane rule.
By all means let him, if he please.
Retain the Apostolic keys,
Only the Royal power forego
To lock up sinners here below.
Oh ! would he but contented be
W it h spiritual sovereignty.
In peace he would possess his own,
El or want Zouaves to guard his throne.
Come, Pitrs, do the proper thing,
Stand forth all Bishop ; sink the King.
Send your Prench janizaries home :
And yield to Caisar Caesar’s Rome.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Monday, May 27. This has been rather a peculiar week, and one
which will be remembered in Parliament, though the Outsiders either
undervalued or misunderstood the Little Game that was played. As
it has turned out, Ministers have not turned out, nor has there been
an announcement that Parliament must turn out, but both events were
on the cards. And the matter was in this wise.
The Conservatives in the Commons are exceedingly strong, numeri-
cally speaking (of course Mr. Punch does not mean intellectually) at
this moment; so strong, that a very small addition of numbers would
enable them to put Pam in a hole. Well, Lord Derby does not want
to take office, for the simple reason that by the time his men got warm
in their places, they would all have to move out again. But, on the
©ther hand, power is very pleasant, and it is agreeable to Lord Derby
and Mr. Disraeli to be able to say to the Government, “You may
stay in so long as you are good boys and do as we bid you, but remem-
ber that you are in only by our sufferance.” And an opportunity has
occurred for putting this lesson in lively colours before the Constable
and his men. There was an Irish grievance. It is called the Galway
Contract. Certain Irish folks solemnly undertook, for valuable consi-
deration, to do certain things in the way of mail-packeting. Of course,
they did not do them : and as, after a great many months, it becomes
clearer and clearer that the contract will be fulfilled in Irish fashion
only, which is Anyhow, and not as per bond, the Government repu-
diates the bargain. This specimen of brutal Saxon tyranny and
oppression has roused the Hibernian mind, especially the mind that
lives in the bodies that dwell near the district likely to he benefited by
the contract, and there was a Demonstration. Divers Irish Members
had the screw put upon them by various interests, and it became
necessary for them to please the populace by punishing the Premier
Now our friends the Conservative leaders beheld tins, and 1 bought
that it would be a Neat Thing in Politics to get a good party division
at the moment when the Irish soul was inflamed against Pam. So it
was decided to give new battle on the Budget. Not that the Budget
had anything in the world to do with the Galway Contract, but because
the votes of the persecuted Irish Members (for, to do the majority of
them justice, they are, as Captain Esmonds spiritedly said, “ gentle-
men,” and detest mob and priestly suasion) might be got into the
Lobby against Government.
So the battle was set, and on this Monday night exactly a dozen
speeches were delivered on the Paper-Duty question. Mr. Newdegate
had a lit,tie battery of his own, which he tired off in the early part of
the night; but his Conservative friends had other fish to fry, and left
him to be bombarded by an overwhelming force. He and Spooner,
however, stood to their guns, and were smashed up in a heap by 34 to
195. But when the blood-stained ruins of the Newdegatian Sebastopol
were cleared away, Mr. Ker Seymer came out with a resolution,
flatly negativing the proposition of the Chancellor or the X. to
abolish the Paper-Duty. As Mr. Punch hath said, twelve addresses
were delivered, which were ail about Paper, but which meant Galway.
At the end of the evening the Conservatives thought they were ail
right, and wanted to divide; but the Constable was too wide awake to
allow that, and the debate was adjourned till Thursday.
Eve of the Derby. The House sat till nearly nine, but who could give
attention to political business at such a crisis ? Dundee still first
favourite, because Mr. Punch's Prophecy had not appeared.
Derby Day. Mr. Punch's Prophecy appeared, and he stated that
Kettledrum would win. The result of the Race was, of course,—
Kettledrum.1
Dundee .3
Diophantus.8
Aurelian.4